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Please help dd cutting her face and arms open in school

(31 Posts)
Agnesboo Mon 15-Jul-13 15:24:45

I have namechanged and this may be long but I don't want to drip feed.

My dd is 13 she has always hated school. We home educated for a year due to bullying but she didn't like it and went to secondary school about a month late in y7.

She has dyspraxia and is now seeing CAHMS and we are waiting for a diagnosis of either ADD or autism.

For the last 18 months school life has been hell. She began hanging around with a group of girls who all dared each other to do stupid and dangerous things, I am in no way saying my dd was innocent, she took part as much as the others and I have talked to her and took away her stuff when necessary.

I have been called in to school numerous times and had over 12 meetings this year alone. She has been slicing her arms open in front of friends as dares while she was meant to be in lessons. She has also sat in the classroom and done it. She has bought pencil sharpeners from the school shop and broke them to expose the blade. She and another girl walked out of class the other day and the teacher told them to separate when he came back they had both sliced their faces numerous times leaving scarring. The teachers did not contact me they just sent her home at home time aware that she had these cuts.
They have also ran around school with sharpener blades.

I myself have got the police involved and asked them to talk to dd. school did not seem happy about this I also got them involved when she was badly beaten up in a corridor.

She is a different child at home a normal everyday teenager but when she attends school she becomes he'll to live with verbally and physically abusive to me and her siblings.

When she sliced her face I didn't send her back because I spoke to a teacher who said they couldn't keep her safe but now I am classed as keeping her absent because I don't know what else to do, they have admitted dd won't be safe but won't help me. I keep her safe I even started walking her to and from school to try and keep her from meeting up with the girls on the way in but school seem to reward their bad behaviour by allowing them to sit on reception or go on the computers instead of lessons if they walk out of class.

Staff have also told me many confidential things about other pupils and contacted a pupils mum in front of me about an incident which struck me as wrong.

I have today rung ofsted after getting nowhere with the education dept and told them everything and they are involving a safeguarding officer, I really don't want to get anyone in trouble I'm just at the end of my rope but I'm worried now.

Before you flame me i totally understand my dds behaviour has been outrageous and unfair on the school and other pupils but I try to keep her safe and tell her she's not on the right path and school reward her by offering her days out and extra treats.
My ds also attends the school and is doing very well and is well behaved he never gets offered any incentives or treats it just seems unfair.

None of the cutting has ever happened at home either school have told me its a problem to do with dd totally disliking school but they just seem for me to deal with it and I don't know what to do anymore.

Agnesboo Fri 19-Jul-13 21:22:53


Confuseddd Fri 19-Jul-13 21:39:40

Hi Agnesboo. Poor you, what a worry.

It sounds as though she is being controlled/ bullied at school. This is seriously out of control behaviour and suggests like previous posters have said, that she is very unhappy at school. I would take her out of school personally, and speak to the admissions dept at local authority about another school place or alternative provision. Some children do very well in a smaller group in a more nurturing group.

The worst that can happen to you if you keep her out of school is a small fine and a possible court hearing, and given the circumstances, nobody would rule against you.

If she is being badly beaten up in a corridor, why would you even dream of sending her in? It may be that the school has failed on some counts, but one must be realistic and face that teachers cannot be all seeing, and that she may be caught up in an intensely unhealthy dynamic with some other children, and needs to be moved, pronto.

Sorry you and your daughter are going through this.

Agnesboo Fri 19-Jul-13 22:50:30

Thank you confuseddd. I have taken her out just scared of social services now sad.

Agnesboo Sat 20-Jul-13 09:25:35

Can anyone advise about social services?

schoolnurse Sat 20-Jul-13 11:35:57

SS have a legal duty of care therefore they must fully investigate any child brought to their attention.
They can IME be very helpful many are sensible caring and conscientious but this government obsession with cut backs means that many SS are desperately under resourced and under staffed and at the same time increasing pressure is being put on them to protect children who are at high risk and to get as many children currently in the care system out into families so their jobs are huge and execedingly stressful so they have sadly less time than they would I'm sure like for children who are not in these categories.

cory Sat 20-Jul-13 13:30:46

You must stop this feeling that you are being punished because SS want to check if your dc need further support. It is not about you or your parenting!

If your GP rang and said he wanted see your child after he had read the results of her blood test and felt she might need more antiobiotics, that wouldn't be a comment on your parenting, would it?

SS want to see your dc to find out if they are in need of support.

We have had SS involvement in the past re dd's physical disability/attendance/anxiety issues. In the end they decided to pass us onto other agencies who were better placed to meet our needs, but I never found them anything other than helpful and understanding. A welcoming and cooperative spirit helps them to see where you are coming from and what they can do for you.

And fwiw, when dd had been self-harming and attempted suicide, we did get some therapy sessions for her younger brother: it was felt that he needed support in coping with a situation that was clearly bound to affect him. It has helped him.

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