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Parents eve, year 7. DD very bright but arsing about.

(33 Posts)
sandyballs Thu 25-Apr-13 21:49:16

Feel depressed but this wasn't unexpected. I've been told this evening by 6 teachers that DD is very bright and capable of great grades at gcse but her behaviour lets her down. She is easily distracted and has got in with a crowd she wants to impress by doing the bare minimum and mucking about in class.

The only good feedback was from maths and science which are the only subjects they are streamed in so she is with a completely different set of kids. She's doing very well in these two subjects.

I feel we've let her down slightly by not even considering the local grammars when looking at secondary schools. I feel she would have been amongst kids who perhaps would buckle down more and it would have suited her needs better. IF she had got in, who knows.

Got to add that I realise its down to her as well, not blaming the other kids. We've talked to her endlessly about this, and I'm hoping the facts he sat and heard all these teachers say how disappointed they were will sink in.

Would love to hear how others dealt with this

adoptmama Sun 19-May-13 07:11:11

sorry, once last thing - be aware it is sometimes common for teens/pre teens to adopt personas as they work out 'who they are'. Your DDs twin relationship could be part of this - she has adopted, or found herself labelled as 'the bad twin' and is now possibly living up to it. Twin relationships are common and she would not be the first to have a bumpy road because of it. I have also worked with twins where one is a model pupil and the other was adhd, so being twins does not mean they will both have a problem. The embarassment and annoyance of being compared to a sibling is much, much worse when being compared to a twin. I hope they are in separate classes at school; the danger is in an attempt to show her own identity she will be the polar opposite of her twin. If you can get her assessed by an educational psychologist you should discuss with them the complexities of twin relationships and whether this is a factor for her too.

Sonnet Sun 19-May-13 07:37:54

Hi sandyballs. I don't have any advice. I too have a dd that 'challenges' me and I am often stuck with what to do next. I would be interested to see how this works out. Pls keep posting

marriedinwhiteagain Sun 19-May-13 08:00:29

Yes, I do have more than one child. Both behave at school because they know that is expecteed both by us and by the school.

The only place I know of where your dd's behaviour is tolerated is at state secondaries.

Where does she go? That's for you to sort out but if families like yours were ppushed upp against a wall they would start setting boundaries for their children because your child is your responsibility. Not mine. Not the school's. Not the other children. Not the states's. Yours. Some things I would be doing:

Paediatric counselling
Meeting with school
Limits on phone, tv, laptop or removed completely.
Homework diary and rigorous monitoring
No trips
Etc, etc.

What exactly are you doing to deal with this?

Ilovegeorgeclooney Sun 19-May-13 10:16:41

Since she behaves in Maths and Science it is unlikely that there is a medical problem at the root of her behaviour, far more likely to be peer pressure. Where I work she would be on SMT Report by now. Every lesson is marked and any less than good means a day in inclusion. However could she move groups for a fresh start? Perhaps she is now having to live up to her reputation. The biggest problem with this sort of behaviour is that she will become very unpopular with all but pupils with similar attitudes which will make it very difficult for her to alter this pattern of behaviour. Last week a Year 11 who has behaved in a similar way for the past 5 years was devastated when a fellow pupil wrote in her leavers book "One of the things that makes me glad to leave school is not having to put up with you and your pathetic behaviour any more. Hope I never see you again." It finally got across the message but 5 years too late.

Sonnet Thu 04-Jul-13 07:27:55

How is it going Sandyballs?

LittenTree Thu 04-Jul-13 15:18:56

There's a thread by morry1000 about her Y11 DD whose future is looking rather bleak due to behavioural issues; exclusions, FE colleges refusing to take her etc. She apparently has ADHD though we're not told if she's had any medication or interventions and so forth to help her.

Sadly it all sounds waaay too late for her- I imagine her peers would write similar in her year book (to paraphrase: "Good riddance"). I think you're wise to recognise here and now that this needs nipping in the bud and quickly. married is a bit between the eyes but rather a lot is at stake here! You may have to 'ton of bricks' it.

I think you need to discuss moving her into a different tutor and a pro-active campaign of making sure she never sits next to certain DC. I'm glad you haven't made this into a teacher/school bashing thread (morry's went that way!) but I do think the school need to be rather more 'onto it' with that level of disruption. I confess I'd certainly not want to see it in my DC's classes (state comp).

Good luck- it's scary and makes you feel helpless when you watch an otherwise able DC repeatedly press the 'self-destruct button'. There was a thread on MN a good 3 or 4 years ago, I recall, called 'Things I'd like to tell my 15 year old self' or similar and one thing that really struck me was how many said "I wish I'd paid more attention in school instead of arsing around and being 'cool'."- but hey, you can't tell a 15 year old anything, can you?!

mumofthemonsters808 Thu 04-Jul-13 15:47:18

Very harsh marriedinwhiteagain

No advice Sandyballs, you have my sympathy. My DD will be starting High School in September. I have already warned her that I have been accommodating in letting her go to her choice of school and any trouble and she will be out of there in a flash.

sandyballs Thu 25-Jul-13 17:54:26

Thanks for further posts, hadn't realised this had been added to.

I'm pleased to report a big improvement in DD. Much better behaviour and no detentions at all for the last few weeks of term. A lot of chats with her learning coach seems to have helped, she reinforced what we were telling DD at home.

Despite teachers saying she was under achieving she still managed to get 6b and 6c results in English, maths and science. Not sure this is totally a good thing though as she now realises she can get good results doing very little but overall I'm pleased with her. Let's hope in year 8 it continues.

And despite teachers say

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