DD Distraught at having to go to,a Upper School (BUCKS)

[edna1234]

DD and i just drove past her new School, that she will be going to in September and she just Broke down,in tears. she started saying whats the point of going to School, i will just end up on the Dole like most of the kids from the Upper school,She just cried for 2 hrs two nights ago, i tried to reassure her,that she could still get to University,from a Upper School but she said i was lying, i cannot afford Private Education, how can i get DD to be more positive and optimistic about her future.

[chickensaladagain]

what's an upper school?

[colditz]

Unfortunately, youARE lying if you are trying to convince that she will get just as good an education, or just as good a chance of going to university. She's not stupid, she knows that the statistics do not bear up to that.

If I were you, I would say tough, I can't afford it, work very hard, qualify in something useful, and move to America or Australia, which is more of a meritocracy.

[colditz]

Gosh, pompompom, what an incredibly rude and unhelpful thing to say! You Win The Internet, well done, anything else to add? Help, advice? No?

[pompompom]

Haha, thanks :)

I was just commenting that the OPs DD seems to be under the impression that unless she has a private education she won't be able to go to university and will end up on the dole.

[edna1234]

Chicken its a "SECONDARY MODERN SCHOOL"

[edna1234]

The Schools try to call themselves Comprehensives,but there not.

[JeanPaget]

I would tell her that her own attitude and hard work is just as important as the type of school she goes to.

Try and point out the positive aspects of the school - for example, perhaps it doesn't get the best results in the area but gets good results from a less able cohort.

I also think going a school where she will mix with kids with a range of backgrounds and ability levels will serve her well in life, and to be blunt, that seems to be a lesson she could do with learning.

[chickensaladagain]

oh a SECONDARY MODERN

why the capitals?

my brother and my niece both went to secondary moderns and both went to university (Manchester & Leeds so REAL unis)

if you live in an area where there are still sec moderns then it was always going to be a posibility and you should have prepared her for that

it is going to be hard work for her but it's not the end of the world

[hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman]

Can you sit down together and research some famous people who have done well from a similar school? Thousands of people get into universities each year from less academic schools but I can see why a 12 year old would be worried.

[LIZS]

Surely the majority of children in that area are not at grammars but many still get into FE/University. Does she know any others going there ? You need to be more positive if she is to.

[BalloonSlayer]

she started saying whats the point of going to School, i will just end up on the Dole like most of the kids from the Upper school,

I think I'd be starting with - who the hell has told her that? Sounds to me like she is being teased/bullied by some people who have got into the grammar.

Then start doing some research on the School's results and see if you can find some statistics to prove that she can get good academic success at that school if she works hard.

If you are desperate, consider moving to a county where they don't have grammar schools and everyone goes to their local comp. There are quite a lot of counties like these.

Want an anecdote to cheer you up? I used to work with a bloke who was the cleverest guy I had ever met. He had a degree in Maths from Oxford and a PhD in Relativity from Cambridge. Stephen Hawking had been one of his lecturers. He [my colleague] was great fun, totally normal and extremely likeable. His secondary school was a bog standard comp in Essex. (His brother was a bouncer!) Your DD can do anything within her potential if she works hard.

[AnnoyingOrange]

This table shows the results for Buckinghamshire schools. Look hers up and see how they do

www.bbc.co.uk/news/special/education/school_tables/secondary/12/html/825.stm

[AnnoyingOrange]

www.bbc.co.uk/news/special/education/school_tables/secondary/12/html/825.stm

[LIZS]

Does it have a 6th form , not all do and the various colleges / grammars may become an option at that stage.

[AKissIsNotAContract]

7% of kids go to private school, 93% of adults are not on the dole. If she is conscientious she will do well regardless.

[JenaiMorris]

Considering that what, 7% of children go to private schools and nowhere near 93% of adults of working age are on the dole, I suspect that someone has been talking utter bollocks to her.

The grammar system sucks imo but really, who on earth has been feeding her this tosh?

[TidyDancer]

Yes, how and why would an 11 year old know that?

The smartest people I know went to schools that no one wanted their kids to go to. It's about attitude, discipline and ambition. I would personally say those things are as if not more important than the specific academic environment.

[HeySoulSister]

My dd is from upper school and is off to uni in sept!!

For those who don't know, it's the 3 tier system still here, we have

Lower school year 1 -4
Middle school year 4-8
Upper school year 9-12

[TidyDancer]

Just ftr, that includes DP who is now a published academic and lecturer and a friend who attended Cambridge and a friend who is a lawyer in a very senior position for the police.

But if naysayers had looked at them at 11, they may have written them off because they didn't go to grammars (neither wanted to). How silly an attitude to have.

[greenandcabbagelooking]

In Bucks the top 20% of kids go to grammar, the rest go to Upper at age 11.

I went to upper school til A levels, when I went to Grammar because it had better subjects for me. I'm at a good uni doing a sensible degree.

My friend from Upper stayed there the whole 7 years, did a degree at Royal Holloway and is now doing a PhD at Warick.

It's not the end of the world, honestly. If she wants to succeed, she will. Wherever she goes to school.

Best of luck, mini-Edna, I'm sure it will be fine.

[HalleLouja]

I went to a comprehensive and still went to a RG Uni. I wanted to succeed. There is a grammar nearby I didn't apply to and I could have gone to one of the best state school in the country as my mum worked there but was happy to stay where I was. I did go to a good Sixth Form college though.