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private vs grammar vs comprehensive

(48 Posts)
Kenlee Sat 09-Mar-13 13:50:40

If your kid is smart and la di da di can get into a good grammar school quite easily. What if your kid is not really that clever or you havent found that trigger to open their minds yet. Is it worth it to let them struggle with 11+ train them to pass only to see them fail later on.

In this scenario would you send your child to private school hoping they have the key or place them in a local school and hope for the best?

Im just intrested ..

EnjoyResponsibly Sat 09-Mar-13 15:51:23

You do come across as being vaguely disappointed with your DD in your earlier posts.

Pick the school which you believe is best for your child's talents. Nothing else should influence you, particularly comparison to other children.

Perhaps HK is not the best place for your family.

ShipwreckedAndComatose Sat 09-Mar-13 17:37:56

all things being equal.... the comp. In a heartbeat

pollypandemonium Sat 09-Mar-13 17:48:37

She does have P5 ballet with the Royal school of ballet but every girl has that. Her music ability is nothing to write home about either as her peers are all at grade 8 whereas she only scraped past her grade 5.

Grade 5 is pretty good at age 11. I think you are underestimating her abilities. If you can afford it, send her to the private school. That's my unresearched reponse.

mummytime Sat 09-Mar-13 17:55:29

My goodness! 90% is fine, really. It sounds as if she needs Priorsfield to get out of the Hothouse atmosphere. Its a lovely school, even St Catz is not all geniuses (nor is GHS, the top local girls school but a day school so you won't have looked at it). Grade 5 is very good at 11.

My kids BTW are at the local Comp. a very very good school, I'm pleased we don't have Grammar as at 11 its a horrible pressure to put on children (and at least one of mine probably wouldn't have passed).

happygardening Sat 09-Mar-13 18:12:08

OP you like the Priors Field that is all that matters your DD will pick up on this and also feel positive. Although she will miss you in the beginning she like so many other children from Hong Kong and others quickly settle and thrive. My DS2 has quite a few from HK at his boarding school academically they seem to do very well, are well intergrated and popular with the other boys and also excell at their chosen extra curricular activities. From your description I'm sure your DD will do the same.

pollypandemonium Sat 09-Mar-13 18:20:57

Much as I disapprove of the private school system, it makes no sense for the privileged to be using taxpayers money to educate their children in state schools.

It also saves a place for less privileged children so that they can get into the good local comprehensive. And saves me some tax! So it's a win win.

KateShrub Sat 09-Mar-13 18:23:24

How is 90% anything other than very good? Test scores should range from below 50% up to 90% or so. If everyone gets 90%+ it's meaningless.

DontmindifIdo Sat 09-Mar-13 18:28:46

OP - you are currently comparing your DC to a very pushy group - but you are planning on returning to the UK for secondary education, rather than not keeping up with her peers, you might find she's seen as doing very well.

In your situation, if you can afford private, I'd go with that.

pollypandemonium Sat 09-Mar-13 18:30:42

Now I'm getting worried about your daughter. Have you discussed with her what she wants?

Talkinpeace Sat 09-Mar-13 18:39:06

OP already has a place for her daughter at the Private school near Godalming.
Sounds like it will all pan out just fine.
The thread title seems to have been rather kite flying.

ShipwreckedAndComatose Sat 09-Mar-13 18:47:57

I think you are right.
Priors field is a good school and i think the stability of boarding will be good.

I answered the question as what I would do given the scenario presented but that's not the same as what op should do!

bit of an odd thread really

Kenlee Sat 09-Mar-13 23:39:08

I would like to thank you all for sharing. I hope she does well too. As for asking she was the one who approached me on the subject.

I think to her its all an adventure.

happygardening Sun 10-Mar-13 08:00:05

Boarding can be a positive life changing experience. Your DD will learn to live along side people she might not really like as well as those she does, boarding also IMO promotes tolerance and an understanding of difference, boarders learn to be self sufficient, to organise their time amd lives in a way that non boarders dont at this age, to not be afraid to try new things; at a good school they will have a myriad of opportunities and the chance to do things they normally wouldn't encounter if they hadn't boarded, most become quick at reading situations and body language and adaptng to what is going on around them. They learn to be very independent but again in a good school know that staff are there to support/help/encourage them as of course are their parents. I listened recently to friends fretting about their children's first term at university children who even struggled to pack suitcases or who had barely lived away from home and were so desperately home sick (1 chucked in by Xmas another is very unhappy) others who'd never had to organise themselves because their mothers had literally stood over them 24 hours a day one struggling to go out and make friends and a couple afraid to participate in activities they'd never done before, these are not problems that those who've boarded are likely to encounter.
Ive very extensive experienxe of boarding and boarders and I'm not saying it works for all and there will always those who hate it but for the vast majority it is a happy life changing experience.

seeker Sun 10-Mar-13 08:08:20

........always assuming you want your 11 year old's life changed........

Sorry. Not appropriate. Will shut up. But there are two sides to the boarding coin, and you have to be prepared for both sides.

happygardening Sun 10-Mar-13 08:25:26

Do you not want your child to experience positive life changing experiences seeker? How very odd.

seeker Sun 10-Mar-13 08:28:44

Sorry, happy. I won't engage about boarding. I shouldn't have said anything.

happygardening Sun 10-Mar-13 08:40:36

Seeker as parents most of us want our children to have positive live changing experiences we all go about it in different ways there is no right or wrong way to do it. Acceptance of this difference and tolerance of it can be a lesson that boarders learn.

Kenlee Sun 10-Mar-13 09:51:39


This is exactly what I want my DD to have. She can already do the rudimentary cooking. Although she needs to live without the maid following her. Picking up after her...etc etc...

Thank you...I actually think I have absolutely made the right decision. In fact I have a nephew who is at Brighton and talked to him for a few hours.. He raved at how good fun it is.

I read on another forum that Priorsfield is excellent in a ofsted report ..Im not sure what that is though... but most importantly I have not heard a bad thing about Priorsfield school. The only thing that gets mentioned again and again is that it is one of the best for pastoral care..

Money well spent I think.

Dededum Sun 10-Mar-13 11:42:59

Friends daughter is boarding at Priorsfield, they are abroad. This year 7 there are only 3 full time boarders (ie: weekend) and that is a bit tough. Has had one weekend with a friends family (day child). Think that could be a problem at most boarding schools, you might want to ask school.

Kenlee Sun 10-Mar-13 12:31:05

Well in that case there will be at least one more...btw does your friend's daughter feel happy at the school? Has she encountered any problems that I can sort out now for her?

aliasPrickleandJones Sun 10-Mar-13 13:42:05

It was aeons ago that I boarded (in '70's) but I will never ever forget the crippling homesickness I suffered for the whole duration of the first year (when I was 11). I was bereft. sad

I know that there is internet, mobiles etc now that soften the blow but please remember that even if your dd or ds says they are fine they may not be.

lt will forever change your relationship with your dc and them with you and the rest of the family. What you say is 'independence' may also be called 'alienation'.

Sorry to be a downer but you need to hear all sides.

Dededum Sun 10-Mar-13 16:00:22

Well mum is putting a brave face on it, was over for a week visiting with her 2 younger children. No problems as far as I can tell. However it is a huge change so of course it is tricky for all and no doubt will 'affect her' but that doesn't mean that it is negative. But then this children already has had a wealth of cultural experience from her interesting childhood.

notquiteruralbliss Mon 11-Mar-13 10:03:18

My lot have bounced between grammars / private schools / inner city comps depending on where we have lived / what they wanted / needed at the time and have friends from each. I don't think any one is universally 'better' than the other.

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