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Bullying messages... WWYD?

(4 Posts)
PenguinBear Mon 11-Feb-13 19:04:10

Nasty messages written on a toilet wall? Including comments Wishing she was dead and should kill herself.

This is so disgusting, we are fuming. She is a popular girl and has never experienced bullying of any kind before this. No-one is unkind to her face but a few messages have been written on the toilet wall.

The no1 suspect was off today when an additional incident occurred, which rules her out.

School don't seem too worried and have said they think it was just a 'joke'. It is certainly not a joke having a dc terrified to go anywhere alone as she thinks someone wants her dead.

Head has been copied in to all Communications but at the moment they are 'investigating'. I personally think they should tell all the children that the police will be involved to scare them and get someone to confess.

Advice please, WWYD?

Muminwestlondon Mon 11-Feb-13 20:35:40

If you haven't done so already, I would have a face to face with the Head or his/her deputy and explain how seriously you view the incident and how worried your daughter is. If it is a one off and they genuinely don't know who it is, perhaps they can do a general session for the students about bullying and how upsetting it is to be on the receiving end. Also a message about damaging school property and forensic handwriting analysis might be in order.

I would not report it to the police personally unless the school think they should. Personally I was advised by my DC's school to report an incident to the police, but that involved an adult impersonating a child on Facebook and harassing my DC outside of school.

tiggytape Mon 11-Feb-13 22:33:14

The police thing is perhaps inappropriate in the sense of not serving much purpose since it is unlikely anybody knows who has done it apart from one or two people. All police threats would do is alarm the other pupils in the year who can't help and also make the issue even more well known in the whole school and probably more upsetting for DD.
Even if you or the school carried out any such threat, the chances are the police can do very little unless they know who has put the messages up.The bully is likely to be more silent on the matter if the police come in because then they'd fear big trouble.

I do agree that it needs to be acted upon. I am hoping the school would photograph then quickly remove any such messages and interview any girls DD has fallen out with or who they otherwise suspect to try to get to the bottom of it.

It is a hard one to investigate because it is done in secret with no obvious motive or bullying campaign behind it. That doesn't mean it isn't serious though and your DD should be given support at school too. I hope they find the culprit soon - it must be scary for your DD to have this happen and not know who or why.

burntoutdad Tue 12-Feb-13 12:29:10

This needs to be dealt with before it gets anychance of getting out of hand. It is considered as bullying(wether the child involved is adversly affected by it or not) and should be stamped out by the school.
As muminwestlondon as said you should talk to the head, but more importantly write explaining exactly what has happened, how DD feels and asking what they are going to do about it. In your letter you should specifically ask for a copy of the school bullying policy (which all schools should have by law) and how it is being adhered to in this instance. Explain that if any further behaviour or incidence of this kind happens without investigation that subsequent letters will be copied to the L.E.A.

This should galvanise them into action and get them to take your complaint seriously. We had a similar issue with 'bullying' although to anyone else it would have been considered as boisterous banter, to our sensitve DC it was quite worrying. The school only acted when we started asking about thier implementation of thier own bullying policy.

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