I can't get my daughter to go to bed sensibly -year 11

[Sparrows12]

This isn't a new problem but over Christmas it seems to have escalated. Non stop revision, usually late into the night, and this week, doing mock exams, last night I suspect she was still at it after 1am, worried she hadn't "covered everything". It is many months since she has gone to bed before me, as I have an early start, but often, if I get up at midnight, say to go to the loo, I catch her still at it. She is very bright and I wish there was some way of getting through to her. I have tried appealing to her common sense. I wonder if there are any teen-friendly sources on the science of sleep and what it is for. I'm afraid I wasn't very supportive this morning - she has a maths exam today as well as history, her favourite subject, so needs to be on top of her game - I basically told her she risked throwing everything away by not going to bed - which went down rather badly, and probably wasn't wise. She has good "exam management" skills, in the sense that she gets it all down in the right order and in time and always does very well. She just doesn't know when to stop working e.g her history controlled assessment, which I read (since she had written it in draft and memorised it) would not have looked out of place on an undergraduate course. With exams at the start of this term, I see no let up, or down time before the real gcses in may, which is a worry, especially as she is only in the foothills of a very big mountain.

[MrsFriskers]

You're not alone - my daughter has done exactly the same last week and this week, and could hardly get herself together this morning - tried a Berocca which she hated. Maths and Biology mocks today. Also very bright and a bit of a perfectionist. I have no answers, apart from trying to get at least one early night in ie. 9pm. Await other replies with interest.

[Notquite]

In the unlikely event that my DD was working so hard she was losing sleep, I'd email her Head of Year and ask her to talk to DD. HoY invited parents to contact her if we had concerns of the over/under working variety at a meeting at the beginning of year 10. Do you have someone similarly approachable (DD's form tutor's involvement seems to stop at taking the register).

[MrsFriskers]

Oh - and remove smartphones, Kindles and other internet access an hour or so before bed, for the other late nights - I accept this week she will revise late, but I don't expect her to be online.

[Notquite]

Actually it was head of KS4, not HoY.

[TotallyBS]

Is she showing any 'symptoms'?

Ok it's not midnight but my 12 yr old is sometimes up until 10:30pm doing homework (he usually goes to bed 9pm). If he is ratty in the morning or falls alsleep at the breakfast table then I would step in and establish a strict sod-the-homework 9pm curfew. But he seems to be coping.

You said that DC was sensibly managing her time so it not as if she was spending 3 hours for example doing a piece of homework that should take 1 hour. So, unless you feel that the long hours was really affecting her health I would leave her alone and be thankful she isn't the DCin the thread about a DC that is academically lazy :)

[Sparrows12]

TotallyBS - she manages her time during the exams, but I cannot see how she can possibly be managing her time effectively during her revision - rationally speaking, if you have worked really hard for the whole Christmas holidays, you should not be up half the night, the night before the exam.

[TotallyBS]

Has your DD high academic aspirations (Oxbridge and/or medicine)? If yes then that would explain the self inflicted pressure.

I personally wouldn't be too worried if it was my DCs. Children/teenagers are tougher than some parents like to think.

[Sparrows12]

Yes she does have high academic aspirations, although not for medicine. I would say also that I think she is afraid of failing and that exceptional performance has come to "define" her. It is very much a part of her own self image. This morning I had lots of eg will you still love me if I don't do well etc which I found rather worrying.

[webwiz]

Is she actually working for all her revision time? DD2 (19) will revise all day but not all of that will be concentrating on what she should be doing, she'll be chatting on facebook, texting her boyfriend and looking at pictures of cats on the internet

If she is working then I would talk to her after the mocks about how she approaches revision. If she is bright and on top of her work then mocks shouldn't need hours and hours of work to do well.

With DS(16) we have a chat every so often about where he is up to with his schoolwork, what is coming up and how he is planning on tackling it. Its all a bit relentless at the moment he has English language tomorrow after an English literature paper today (actual GSCEs not mocks) then a biology controlled assessment on friday and a french speaking assessment next week. Talking it through with me means he doesn't get too overwhelmed with it. He does work late sometimes but usually because he has completely underestimated how long it will take to do something.

[Startail]

Exams are a very personal thing, I did best if I was slightly in a panic.

I preferred to revise to stupid o'clock, and have to rush the next morning.

No time to think about it, get my books out again or stand about waiting all of which lead to being in too much of a panic.

Exams need the right amount of adrenaline. It is a very personal thing.

DD1 had her first science exam today, she turned of bitesize sometime around 9pm and did something else relaxing on her lap top until 11.30 ish.

She say' s that too much last minute revising sets of her dyslexic brains tendency to know exactly what she means, but the word vanishes.

I didn't actually check when she went to bed as DD2 appeared in a total flap about her HW.