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should I grass up the new neighbours?

(175 Posts)
sybilwibble Thu 27-Dec-12 10:40:28

Met the new neighbours at another neighbours drinks party. Lovely mum and daughter, plus granny. Ask Mum, as you do, Where have you moved here from? Her response was that she only lives about a mile away, where they have a lovely family home, now sat empty, but they've rented the house in our road as it's right in catchment for the great local secondary. They've been here a month, and will find out on March 1st whether their dd will get a place (she will) then they will move back in a year.

Granny then tells me seperately, that they will be moving back in March, as soon as they get the letter from the great senior school, as they have not been successful in finding anyone to rent their family home from them. Either way, I'm a bit hmm. My dcs are younger so we're not applying this yr, so doesn't directly affect us...but would feel very sneaky calling the local authority... wwyd?

FestiveElement Thu 27-Dec-12 20:25:37

I wouldn't say anything. The problem isn't with families that have to take these measures to get their children into a good school, the problem is that some schools are so bad that families feel they have no choice.

They are doing the best they can by their child and providing her with the best education they possibly can. I don't see why they should be criticised because they are forced into this position.

admission Thu 27-Dec-12 23:32:34

None of your list surprises me. One of the quirks of places being withdrawn is that the parents have the right to then go to appeal over not getting a place at a school.
I count three of your list where these have come up at appeal and the one defining point in all three cases was the "brass" of the parents in admitting they had done it but they still thought it was OK, because they were different and the rules did not apply to them.
Mutteroo you are completely correct that they are at present not officially doing anything wrong and if they can show that the rental is for an extended period of time, then the LA will probably accept it as their current address for the purposes of admission. The problem is that this family are not making any secret of what they intend to do to others and if the LA get any whiff of that conversation then they will make start to make assumptions about their motives.

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr Thu 27-Dec-12 23:35:50

I would tell.

They are wealthy enough to rent a home and pay bills for two homes, so their child can get a place in a school, thus depriving a less wealthy child for a school place.

Dromedary Thu 27-Dec-12 23:40:04

At the end of the day they are stopping another child, who genuinely lives near the school, from getting in. That child will have to travel to another school, away from their friends.

jinglebellyalltheway Thu 27-Dec-12 23:48:44

nope my neighbours house swapped with the grandparents temporarily to get the DD into a school that the GPs lived in... 2 years later they're still there, they decided not to move back and stayed in the catchment once the DD got into that school

the family are actually living there, not falsely using the address

and ironically that school is now way below our catchment schools in league tables and no longer over subscribed, like our local ones have become (which they house-swapped away from)

And the GPs are actually quite nice neighbours, much more friendly than the family! grin

BabylonElf Thu 27-Dec-12 23:54:51

My parents bought a second property to get me and DB into the right school.

Did I ever live there? You bet I did, rented the studio apartment bedsit off my parents as soon as I finished 6th form and got a job wink

jinglebellyalltheway Fri 28-Dec-12 00:14:38

blame the game, not the players I say!

OhDearConfused Fri 28-Dec-12 10:03:38

blame the game, not the players I say!

If the ref doesn't spot the ball clearly going over the line, do you not draw his attention to it!

its against the rules, so it's not the game's fault, it's the players that are breaking them (deliberately and indeed boastfully so without any shame - like a Ronaldo wink to the camera after getting Rooney sent off)....

tiggytape Fri 28-Dec-12 14:25:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tiggytape Fri 28-Dec-12 14:35:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lljkk Fri 28-Dec-12 15:06:45

I would grass them up.

lljkk Fri 28-Dec-12 15:07:05

and if they can afford all this renting 2nd home malarky, they can afford private school for the child, no?!

tiggytape Fri 28-Dec-12 15:25:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chloe74 Fri 28-Dec-12 16:04:45

Talk about big brother and the secret police... Quite ironic that the OP plans to send her kids to the school (and lives closer) but is debating grassing someone up for trying to get their kids into the school. Unless you hear the 'other' side of the story I don't think anyone has a right to judge. Maybe they genuinely planned to rent and make it their permanent home. Maybe they tried to sell their original house and couldn't. Maybe they tried to buy closer to the school and couldn't afford to. We don't know the FACTS. So NO they shouldn't be 'grassed'. Its not a criminal matter and adults should know better!

What would be funny is if the OP told tales, they turned out to be unfounded and it got out, amongst other parents at the school, that she was a snitch. I think many people would have hostile feelings about 'her' and make 'her' time at the school very uncomfortable.

DoesntTurkeyNSproutSoupDragOn Fri 28-Dec-12 16:05:54

The problem with the "none of your business" attitude is that a child who genuinely lives within the correct distance to gain a place at the school will miss out because a child had gained a place under false pretences.

If that were your child I suspect you might feel differently.

DoesntTurkeyNSproutSoupDragOn Fri 28-Dec-12 16:07:21

Some of you clearly haven't read the OP where the mother in question was completely upfront about what they are doing.

chloe74 Fri 28-Dec-12 16:23:53

DoesntTurkeyNSproutSoupDragOn - the OP gave her opinion of what was happening based on comments at a drinks party. I suspect if the accused was posting here they might have a different view about the whole scenario. If the mother in question felt she was 'breaking the law' then she might have been a bit more circumspect about her intentions. Which leads me to suspect she isn't. Either way we do not live in Stalinist Russia, so I don't think it is the OP job to report other parents to the authorities. How would the OP like it if she was fined because her neighbor reported her for putting the wrong litter in her recycling box? Or for paying her car tax a day late, or any other non criminal offense. What kind of world would we live in if neighbors couldn't trust each other because everyone is a spy for the government.

VivaLeBeaver Fri 28-Dec-12 16:28:02

If they're breaking the rules then I'd report them.

DD missed out on a wonderful school by .3 of a mile, she was 4th on the waiting list.

There are lots of people every year who rent a house out in the town for a few months. They don't even bother moving in and carry on living 20 miles away. It makes me so mad that dd didn't get a place when people who can afford to do this did.

DoesntTurkeyNSproutSoupDragOn Fri 28-Dec-12 16:29:40

No, she didn't give her opinion, she related what the mother and the grandmother had said.

^ I suspect if the accused was posting here they might have a different view about the whole scenario^

Yes, she would probably think it was absolutely fine and "just playing the game"

Your comments about "Stalinist Russia" are, quite frankly, hilarious.

TimeChild Fri 28-Dec-12 17:07:09

OP's neighbour sounds naive being so up front about her plans. Given that there's such a bunfight to get into popular schools, some one will report her. Not stalinist Russia, just human nature.

SecretSquirrels Fri 28-Dec-12 17:24:56

The next county to us has Grammar schools, all comps here but good ones.

Even so it's very common for people to do this kind of thing. I can think of several people I know who bought a property in the Grammar catchment to live in until their DCs were in. It's easier to get in the nearer you live apparently. I guess not many people do report them as it seems to be an open secret?

ItsaTIARA Fri 28-Dec-12 17:40:32

Agree that it's naive - for all they know the OP might well have her twin sister sobbing on her shoulder on 2nd March because DN has missed out on a place at that school - presumably OP would shop the neighbour in a trice at that point.

sybilwibble Fri 28-Dec-12 18:08:59

Hi all, sorry to be have been away for a day - christmas family things going on. Just to clarify a few things, I didn't make any assumptions whatsoever. The family in question were very open about their plans, asking all the neighbours with kids - " Are we close enough -will we get in?" They wanted affirmation that they were close enough.

I thought it bizarre because, this school is a great school and always has been but the school nearest their family home has always been good too, but in recent years has been steadily progressing to the point that some local parents who live amid the two are genuinely quite torn about which one to list as first choice. So it's not like they are in a desperate situation of great school v sink school.

Other parents on the road appear to be quite aghast, ones whose children ARE applying this year. I guess it could well be one of their children's classmates who get pushed out or wait-listed as the result of such actions. I think I'm going to leave it to them to deal with as it does directly affect them.

Thanks thanks to all who responded - a whole mix of "a Mum's gotta do what she feels is right" through to "akin to benefit fraud.." and I can see both sides, which is why I posted in the first place.

Over and out. sybil

tiggytape Fri 28-Dec-12 18:20:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chloe74 Fri 28-Dec-12 18:23:29

Very different argument to say report them so you can get your child a place, but lets be honest about what your doing. The reason you would report is to give yourself and your kin an advantage, selfish but understandable. In this case the OP isn't doing that and would report for entirely different reasons of morally questionable judgement. Who's to say the next person on the waiting list isn't doing something worse and by being a spiteful neighbor actually lets a less deserving child into the school. If its an open secret at the school that this goes on, then why does this parent deserve to be grassed and the hundreds of other parents not.

DoesntTurkeyNSproutSoupDragOn - unless OP recorded the conversation then it is her opinion about what was said of a second hand conversation, by a grandmother who could have a hidden agenda, and were spoken at a drinks party. In court such testimony would be ripped to shreds.

Why is it morally right for rich middle class parents to buy expensive houses in the area of a 'good' school and try and exclude less well off parents. Yet it is morally wrong for a less affluent family to rent in the area to get their child in. The truth is there is no difference and its wealthy middle class selfish snobbery pulling up the ladder and shutting the hatch in the glass ceiling. Who is playing the game?

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