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Detentions - big deal or not?

(30 Posts)
NoSoggyBottoms Thu 18-Oct-12 22:09:46

Curious on your views.

My son is in Y7 so we're pretty new to the world of detentions, as we didn't have them in primary.

Of course, the issue of detention will vary according to type (there are break, lunch and after school detentions at DS school) and how often a child may be getting them.

My opinion - a detention once in a while I can live with, but anymore regular (regardless of length of detention, e.g. break, lunch, after school) is worrying.

What's your view/opinion?

tiggytape Thu 18-Oct-12 22:33:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

admission Thu 18-Oct-12 22:54:13

As a son it is almost a guarantee that they will get some detentions, lateness, forgetting things, not being properly dressed, talking in class and general messing around are all part of a teenager sons make up as far as I am concerned.
However if it happening quite often then that is then room for some concern and a concerted effort required to get them to rise about the norm.

KitKatGirl1 Thu 18-Oct-12 23:07:15

That's a bit of a sweeping 'boy' generalisation, there, admission. Certainly, ime, girls are equally likely as boys to be in trouble for talking in class, if not more so; and as for not being dressed properly, I really do think girls are, on the whole, more bothered about breaking those rules than boys. Maybe forgetting things is more common for boys...
I would be upset if ds got one detention at all. They do get second chances for forgetting things, etc at his school. And at the school I work in a detention is very serious and not very common. (As in the behaviour is very good; not that they don't pick up on it!)

Dominodonkey Thu 18-Oct-12 23:11:55

Most teachers are not a fan of detentions (as they eat into our time for lunch or planning etc after school)
Teachers normally only set them for reasonably serious things (ie continually talking not whispering to a friend once) If your child got more than 1 in a term then they need a stern talking to and if the detentions are for organisation they need to be helped to create a plan of action to be more organised.

Loshad Thu 18-Oct-12 23:19:17

agree domino, at our school detentions are a big deal, and more than one a term i would be having a serious chat.
many of our students go through their entire school careers without getting a single detention.

MadameCreeper Thu 18-Oct-12 23:28:55

My year 7 boy has had a couple of, and been let off a few, lunchtime detentions. He would have had an after school one otherwise, 3 minor offences means an automatic proper detention. He's been identified as possibly dyslexic and is very disorganised, it's been good for him. He's always known he's poor at certain remembering skills but he's now starting to check, every day, the online planners that are available to him.

A boy who is in many of his classes has started to be put into exclusion. He has tantrums in class and is getting to be known as a bully.

I was very similar to my son and wish I'd have been given some minor detentions! A few detentions for late homework, no tie, chatting in class, would ring no alarm bells for me. Frequent detentions for other behaviours would very much worry me. I would also be concerned about very frequent detentions for "forgetfulness". My forgetfulness was overlooked at school.

NoSoggyBottoms Thu 18-Oct-12 23:37:46

So far DS has had 2 detentions, one which is ongoing. I'm mortified tbh. I'll briefly explain.

First lunch detention last week for pushing a boy over in class, as he said the boy was annoying him by beatboxing. DS has a lack of social skills and didn't deal with situation correctly. I am not excusing him in the slightest! Got a serious telling off at home and loss of privileges.

Second one this week for not doing any work in a lesson. Now has break detentions every day until he completes the work. Again, another serious talk at home and loss of privileges.

He went to 2 primary schools. First one, he was allowed to choose when he worked, was separated from other children, wasn't encouraged to develop social skills (e.g. didn't want to go out at break times, so didn't; didn't want to share, so didn't). His table at school also had a box of toys to play with if he didn't want to do work. TAs often did his work for him. This is a brief description! Obviously, when we knew this from 1st school, we moved him to another where this all stopped. Had a bit of trying to push boundaries at 2nd primary school, but he soon realised he wasn't going to get away with anything. He ended up getting the "Pupil of the Year" award when he left!

My theory is that he's testing this again with a new school. Thankfully school are great and imo are treating his reactions correctly - I competely suppport the school. We are also doing our part at home, like I said, he looses privileges at home.

He has SN, but that is no excuse for me. He can behave, he can do the work. I'm mortified as I don't want the school to get the wrong impression of him...but feel that may be too late now.

I just hope he doesn't end up with more detentions, otherwise we're going to have to think of a plan B!

Thanks for your comments.

NoSoggyBottoms Thu 18-Oct-12 23:40:43

Just to add I had one lunchtime detention when I was at school manyyears ago for eating crisps during a science video!

So it's quite alien to me to get detentions. For me it was, and still is, a big deal.

I'm concerned that this isn't the case with DS. Hope I'm wrong.

Dominodonkey Thu 18-Oct-12 23:45:40

Nosoggy Your approach sounds fantastic and I am sure it will be much appreciated by the school.

mummytime Thu 18-Oct-12 23:48:19

I find the idea of double punishment really odd. If a child is punished in school, I will express my disapproval but I will not punish them further eg. remove privileges. Your son is only in year 7, soon the hormones will hit big time (and he will be bigger than you). Then if you try to punish him for something he has already suffered for once you will probably receive a very angry response.

Schools expect you to uphold the discipline code, not add extra punishments. So yes if a Child is excluded they don't get to play on the computer all day, but don't add extra punishment for a detention.

If the first incident is a common occurrence I would want my son to be on the SEN register, and to be taking steps to help him deal with his anger/frustration issues. As well as probably an action plan for his lack of social skills.

NoSoggyBottoms Thu 18-Oct-12 23:51:12

Thanks Dominodonkey!smile We were told by the school that we get a gold star for parental support lol

My problem is that as much as we support the school, I want DS to understand that he shouldn't be displaying those behaviours to get a detention in the first place.

He wasn't like this when he ended primary school and is so well behaved at home. Hoping this is an adjusting period for him but it better end bloody soon!!

BrittaPerry Thu 18-Oct-12 23:52:56

I had the school record for amount of detentions without beng excluded.

I wasn't even badly behaved - I just forgot stuff, was late, didn't dress myself properly, didn't write neatly, daydreamed, read books under the table after I had finished my wok (I still on't get wha thy expected there...), wrote poetry on my excercse books (it was relevant to the subject!), didn't put enough effort into colourng in (colouring in belongs in art lessons only), asked questions not on the syallbus and so on...

I didn't mind. Kept me away from bullies and warm, and it was qute cool making teachers book themselves in - 'I'm afraid I'm already in detention all this week, but I have a lunchtime next wednesday if that is onveinient?'

Hmm, ok, I was badly behaved, but only because I wasn't really a 'school person'....

Still, never did me any harm, and I am a law abiding citizen now :-D

5madthings Fri 19-Oct-12 00:00:51

My ds1 is in yr 9 and has never had a detention. He is just a 'good' kid (i expect i will have a very different experience when ds2 goes to.high school nxt yr as he is more of a push the boundaries type!)

nosoggy i are handling it well and we have the same approach, bad behaviour at school.results in loss of privilidges at home ie xbox time etc. Parents need to support schools. If any of my children were to get a detention then we would further reinforce that with withdrawing privilidges as home such as the xbox. Its reinforcing the message that what they have done is not ok.

Equally when my children arevrewarded at school with certificate/merit etc for good work/behaviour we then also reward/praise them verbally and with a small treat if appropriate, iy works both ways.

NoSoggyBottoms Fri 19-Oct-12 00:04:23

Mummytime - DS has been identified with SEN since starting school (Reception year) and is on School Action Plus. We are looking at going for a statement, but we know this will be a hard battle. He also attends a social group at his current school.

He hasn't displayed behaviour like this in his last primary school.

He physically hurt a child (as well as hitting other children with his bag). He didn't apologise. He told the staff that he didn't care that he hurt another child. He also asked them why he was in trouble and couldn't he be let off. The only thing he was bothered about was us knowing and not being allowed to go on his Xbox. That was the only thing.

He should have had a harsher consequence from school, but they did make some allowances due to his SEN and not knowing him too well.

Of course we all have differences in parenting, but there are some things that Dad and I feel that are too much to more or less ignore without putting our level of expectation on him. My worry is that a lunch time detention may be something he doesn't mind - he'd rather be indoors than out at lunchtimes, and he has very friends to hang around with anyway.

We don't use his SN as an excuse to 'lash out'. He knew that when we found out, he'd lose his privileges.

I don't expect everyone to agree with my parenting skills....but anyway, this is more an issue of detentions...big deal or not?

NoSoggyBottoms Fri 19-Oct-12 00:14:41

5madthings Glad that you agree with me lol Same here, anything postitive then he's rewarded as such at home too! Flags were out when he was given pupil of the year!

BrittaPerry You're right, I guess some people are not "school people" Thanks for your comment

CointreauVersial Fri 19-Oct-12 00:32:06

DS is in Y8 - he has had 4 or 5 detentions since starting secondary - mostly for back-chat, but one for forgetting homework. He's a bit "meh" about them tbh, but has had far fewer than some of his friends (and never an after-school one). They are a big deal to me, particularly if he has been disruptive, and he generally gets a roasting from DH and I.

DD1 is in Y7, and would be devastated to get a detention. She is a perfectionist and works hard, although I wouldn't be surprised if her forgetfulness doesn't catch up with her soon (that or her skirt-rolling habit hmm). For her, yes, big deal.

BrittaPerry Fri 19-Oct-12 00:43:42

I should add, that since then I have ben diagnosed as dyslexic, dyspraxic, bipolar and psychiatric people have said that I have a lot of aspergers signs too. So there is no surprise I didn't get on with school, lol.

But, given my literal mind (which isn't as bad now I don't have the stress of school) I honestly didn't see detentions as a punishment - crowds of children were almost physically painful to me, so being in a nice calm room was nearer to a reward - if I didn't have a DT, I was mostly hiding in a corner of the library anyway.

I still don't get why it is such a big deal tbh...

NoSoggyBottoms Fri 19-Oct-12 00:59:59

BritaPerry I think that my DS would agree with you. Being somewhere warm, quiet and away from others would be much more preferable to being outside. That's my issue that a detention wouldn't be a deterrent from unsuitable behaviour - and I'm talking about my DS's here (physically harming another child and not doing any work).

I guess some see detentions more of a bigger deal than others. Hence why I started this thread!

CointreauVersial Not to sound awful, but it is a comfort to know that other children are getting detentions this early on in the year! Hope you know what I mean there! Hoping that our DC avoid the after school ones!

mummytime Fri 19-Oct-12 05:12:01

Why doesn't his school provide a "security spot/safe zone" for children who need it at Lunchtimes/Break times anyway. My DCs school has a special homework club which provides them with a zone where they can be inside, and can also destress from their time in class. Children not on the register are allowed to use the library at breaks/lunch, but the homework club is in another room nearby.

If detentions will not work as a punishment then the school should be working on something that will; although my dyslexic son actually enjoyed most of his detentions but still got very very few during his school career and still saw them as a deterent. BTW I was a goodie goodie at school but still got more detentions than you (mainly because of class detentions). At my DCs school they are very strict so it is very hard to get less than 1 or 2 a term, mainly for Uniform infringements, or being late, or not handed in on time homework (sometimes easy when you have more than one teacher for the same subject).

CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz Fri 19-Oct-12 06:18:02

Depends on the reason for the detention.

Detention for continuing to talk in class, being rude or cheeky to the teacher, unkind behaviour towards another pupil IMO totally warranted and would be followed up with sanctions at home.

Detentions for forgetting equipment when the teachers aren't following her IEP and writing the equipment needed in her planner for her, or for not doing homework in time when again, the teachers aren't following her IEP and writing the homework down in her planner for her, I would kick up a MASSIVE stink over, and refuse to allow her to do the detention.

If the teacher has followed DD's IEP, and written the homework brief in her planner for her, and written down what equipment is needed for that lesson in her planner, then a break time detention may be justified if it is happening often.

If the teacher can't be arsed to follow DD's IEP and write these things down for her, then IMO they have no right to give her a detention. Even when I email every one of her teachers each year, with an attached copy of her IEP, they STILL try to give her detentions despite refusing to follow her IEP. About 1/10 teachers follow the instructions on her IEP.

So IMO, my reaction to a detention is dependent on the REASON for that detention...

Kez100 Fri 19-Oct-12 06:35:28

If it happens I will treat it seriously as it is all part of the school trying to adopt a low tolerance policy and that, in the long run, can only help our children learn when they are in class.

It seems to vary from year to year how strict they are (and that is bound to directly impact the chances of my talkative and slightly disorganised son at some point) but I will st

Kez100 Fri 19-Oct-12 06:36:03

......Still treat it seriously if it happens.

Madmog Sat 20-Oct-12 14:16:45

I don't like the thought of my daughter getting a detention at all, so I think it depends what it's for - she's most likely to get one for forgetting something. She shouldn't get one for her uniform, skirt okay length, ties are clip on so can't be worn loose etc. When she started school a few teachers asked if anyone knew any chatterboxes and my daughter was nominated so sits in front of the teachers desk. Has never been late in whole of school life, so it would only be for something unexpected and I would provide a note in that instance.

Three boys in her tutor group have had detention already this month and their tutor apparently hit the roof as hers has the highest level of detentions, so I think many will be anxious to avoid it.

TiAAAAARGHo Sat 20-Oct-12 14:27:09

britta grin

When I was at school I thought getting a detention was a big deal. Now, not so much. If it was for something serious (the pushing) I would also impose sanctions at home. For the minor stuff, I'd not be bothered and leave it to the school.

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