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Is it normal for open evenings??? Sorry quite long

(15 Posts)
Missmuffet28 Thu 20-Sep-12 13:44:41

Tonight will be the first of two open evenings that I intend on taking my ds to, we need to choose him a secondary school and there are two within a viable distance.
So my exp (ds' dad) rings me today and says I don't know what your thoughts are on the open evening tonight but I thought I would pick ds up and take him.

I'm like woah woah hang on a minute did you not think I would want to go? He says well I don't know!

Ofc I want to bloody go!!!! And then he says well I think my mum wants to tag along too, to which i reply no offence but I would prefer it if your mum stayed at home it has nothing to do with her and I would prefer not to have her input on it, the same apples for my own mother or any other extended family member to be honest!

I want this to be a decision between ds, exp and I is that unreasonable? I have suggested that maybe we could pick her up a prospectus or something.
And I'm sure the open evening will be busy enough without every child bring granny along too,
She has interfered with my decisions in the past and told me what she thinks is best etc etc ( even knocked on my door late at night to tell me what she thinks if i havent answered the phone to her!) usually to benefit her son (ds dad) so maybe I'm holding that against her, iv also recently found out I'm pregnant so maybe being over sensitive at the thought of trawling round a school with exp and exmil??
What should I do let her come or put my foot down and say no sorry??

bumpybecky Thu 20-Sep-12 13:49:02

how about exp takes his Mum and you take ds? then his Mum isn't your problem smile

if he refuses agree to all go along then lose them both!

happystory Thu 20-Sep-12 13:52:03

How old is she? Tell your ex it will be an absolute bunfight (it will!) Take her a prospectus. I agree with you, it's nowt to do with her!!!

ImaginateMum Thu 20-Sep-12 13:54:16

What is her background? I took my Mum (but not DH) on school visits with me. I was newly pregnant and not quite with it. She has an adademic bakground in education, and is not scared to ask embarrassing questions. I really valued her input after each visit.

Missmuffet28 Thu 20-Sep-12 13:55:36

She is 50 something I'm not sure on exact age, If I thought she could come along and say absolutely nothing I think I wouldn't mind so much but I just know that wont be an option for her

Missmuffet28 Thu 20-Sep-12 13:59:12

She has no academic background she works in an office but with her ds' s she was very much involved like became a beaver leader when they went beavers was a soccer mum etc sometimes I think she forgets she had her time this is now my time and I want to make the decisions not her sad

ImaginateMum Thu 20-Sep-12 21:41:06

I went to a school tonight, just DS and I. (Dh away). Would have loved DM or DMIL there as DS completely flaked out with tiredness halfway through and I had to bring him home. I would have sent MIL home with him and stayed on myself if I had the option!

Missmuffet28 Fri 21-Sep-12 13:13:19

Well I went and the exp not only took his mother he took his new girlfriend too so I felt like a right gooseberry to be honest we sat in the hall for a half hour or so talk then when it came to tours me and ds legged it and had a student guide just the two of us around exp Did find us in the end but don't know what happened to exmil or the new girlfriend, he loved it he got to inflate pigs lungs dissect pig eyeballs watched a jelly baby catch fire and explode and got to paint a bit of captain America smile
I haven't told exp yet but from now on if he can't respect my wishes then he can make his own seperate arrangements to view the other school we have in mind may seem cold but I guess it all depends on the relationship you have with ex's and their families

ByTheWay1 Fri 21-Sep-12 14:06:59

Anyone can go to open days - that's the point.... I wouldn't worry so much, but I would agree - make separate arrangements - not together...

Blu Fri 21-Sep-12 20:18:11

Taking new gf was completely out of order.

Mutteroo Sat 22-Sep-12 09:13:49

Sounds like exP is unable to make decisions without his crew to back him up?

Agree with what you say about telling him to make his own arrangements. In fact I would have suggested it had you not said it yourself!

TeaBrick Sat 22-Sep-12 09:43:50

I expect your Ds wasn't too pleased about all the hangers on either?

Missmuffet28 Sat 22-Sep-12 09:52:25

Ds was kind of in awe I could tell he was nervous as hell, he wouldnt stop chewing his fingers an eyeballing the crowd! What upset me a little also was we got in the hall his dad already seated, ds had chosen just some joggers and a Tshirt to wear he sat down and his dad says to him sarcastically oh ds you didn't have to dress up for the occasion! Ds turns and looks to me for help and I just rubbed his little hand! Like the poor boy didn't have enough to think about, his own dad was poking fun that he hasn't put on his glad rags when infact not a single other person there was dressed in glad rags! In the end he seemed to enjoy himself so I look back and think l made the best out of situation for ds so if needs must I will do it again smile

Scholes34 Mon 24-Sep-12 13:21:37

OP - how much time do you and ex-P spend together for the sake of DS's education? A friend of mine is divorced and has twin boys. She and ex-H always go to parents evenings together and show a united front on all issues regarding school for the sake of the boys.

Can you not anticipate what will be needed on school meetings and arrange ahead of an occasion to go with ex-P so you and he are in this together? Yes, I'd be cross if MIL turned up, and especially for new girlfriend, but to pre-arrange meetings for just the two of you and DS may help avoid such situations if ex-P appreciates the importance of this. Hopefully, you can avoid having to put your foot down.

CouthyMowWearingOrange Mon 24-Sep-12 13:29:12

Open evenings, anyone can attend. I have an open evening on Wednesday, and there is a distinct possibility that my DS1's SM, who physically hurt him a couple of months ago will go with my Ex. Will just try to avoid. Am hoping ex goes alone, but tbh, if he is even allowed to go I'll be surprised - he wasn't allowed to attend the Grammar school open evening in July, despite assuring me and DS1 that he wanted to be there...

I have booked a tour for our third option, tomorrow morning, but it will just be me and a few others, not my Ex. He can go to the open evening of he wants, I will be in hospital for an op that day!

No, YANBU, I see school choices as between the DC, and their parents only. NOBODY else. If you don't have PR, you don't have a say...

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