daughter banned from her Prom, very unfair headteacher

[scruffy68]

I am looking for some advice from you guys as I have a meeting with my daughters head teacher and am feeling a little overwhelmed by this.

I will try to keep it brief but basically my daughter has been banned from her school prom and the only reason the school will give is that she has shown poor behavour in the past but will not give us any specifics, time or dates! in fact I had a meeting with my daughters head of year only weeks before they informed me of the ban and he said he cant wait for the first dance with her. After this meeting I bought my daughters dress and shoes at great expense.

I was informed of the ban when a standard letter was sent out with some key dates on it and at the bottom in one sentence they said " it should be noted that due to recent poor behaviour ............ will not be able to attend the prom"

I phoned immediatly and on numerous occasions since and have also been into the school 3 times but have been fobbed of continually. It was only once I finally wrote to the head with all my concerns and telling her I was informing the govenors that she eventually wrote to me,6 1/2 weeks later, inviting me in to discuss my concernes but that she would not change her mind about the prom.

I have known for 8 weeks now and have been fighting all this time to try and find a resolve as I feel really badly treated.

I would be gateful if anyone has any ideas as to what I should say or ask at the meeting as Im feeling pretty burnt out by it all now!

Her prom is next week!

Thank you if you have taken time to read this long post!!!

[Kez100]

Do you have no idea whatsoever of what the poor behaviour was?

Has she had absolutely no detentions, good attendance, speaks to teachers and peers with respect, meets all deadlines, doesn't smoke/doesn't smoke on school premises?

[lisaro]

If her behaviour is poor then how can it be unfair to ban her from the prom? Maybe this will encourage her to behave in the future. If you always have this attitude then maybe that's encouraging her bad behaviour. But I do agree if the facts you have put are correct then the school should have answered you sooner.

[BenedictsCumberbitch]

Well has her behaviour been poor?

[EdithWeston]

How old is DD, what (if anything) has she told you about incidents at school?

[lisaro]

I've worded my reply poorly - what I also meant to say is that if this was me I'd be more worried about the fact her behaviour has been bad rather that=n the prom, which you seem to be focusing on. Maybe when you get the details you'd be doing her more of a favour by focusing on that.

[Colleger]

The head of year said he couldn't wait to have the first dance with your daughter?!

[AnyoneForTennis]

So you haven't bought a ticket anyway?

What does your dd think?

[OTheHugeManatee]

This OP makes no sense.

Firstly, you seem to be over-identified with your daughter. Why aren't you concerned about her poor behaviour? You seem more upset by the nasty mean teachers who have stopped you her getting something nice.

Secondly, did the head of year really say he couldn't wait for a first dance with your daughter?

[scruffy68]

At times my daughter has been silly and has had some detentions in the past, but on the whole gets along with her peers and teachers. I have always supported the school and my daughter has been an active and helpful member also. She has helped at parents eves, sung solo at a teachers memorial for his family and many more things.

I don't condone bad behavour and punish accordingly!

What is bothering me is the total lack of communication from the school! If she had done some thing wrong that was so bad then why was'nt we informed?

[mumeeee]

When my DDs were at high school the prom was organised by the students and teachers were not involved, although they were invited so the head teacher would not have been able to ban anyone. Is you DDs prom organised by the teachers?

[usualsuspect]

Have you been informed of any poor behaviour? seems a bit ott to ban her unless it was seriously bad behaviour

[scruffy68]

OTheHugeManatee, yes he did, I was there at the meeting.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I think you need to ask for a clear explanation of what behaviour has led to this ban, whether any warnings were given to your dd (of the 'one more incident will mean no prom' kind) and if so, whether she flouted them. But be prepared to hear that she has behaved badly and doesn't deserve to go to the prom.

[Esclaffer]

Whether or not they are right to ban her from prom, it is wrong not to tell you until you have spent a lot of money on a dress and shoes.

[scruffy68]

veritythebrave, they have not actually named her but yes this was on a standard letter. Whether they added that one setence just to my letter I could'nt say!

[Blu]

Until you know what she has done, you can't know if they are being unfair or not.

They should tell you, though, and they can't be expected to take into account that you bought an outfit over 8 weeks ago. Does your dd have no explanation of why this ban could have been put in place?

[complexnumber]

Schools do not do this sort of thing lightly as they know there will sometimes be flak. Can your daughter be a pain in the arse at times?

If you wish to take issue, make sure you are very sure of your facts. Because I can assure you that the school will have not made such a decision without documented evidence

[usualsuspect]

Your DD must have some idea surely?

[amillionyears]

Missing a prom is a very important deal for a 16 year old.
When is the prom?
When is the meeting with the Head?

If you DD very much wants to still go,maybe now everything is looming,she will tell you what she may have done or been up to?

[scruffy68]

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius, thank you fo your unbiased advice and yes I am prepared but would lie to know about them in detail.

[AnnaMosity]

I bet dd hid Letters

[scruffy68]

amillionyears, it is a massive deal to her, she doesnt now what she has supposed to have done apart from the usual silly stuff like wearing her skirt to short or being late to lessons. these are not acceptable I now but are they really a good enough reason to ban her?

[funnyperson]

Dear Scruffy

You and your dd are probably really really upset.
My advice is to support her and IGNORE the prom. Take her out on the day to somewhere special (eg the theatre) The prom will be a huge let down for those who go anyway.
You wont win if you battle with the teachers and prolonging the agony will just mean dd will remember the pain for longer.