should I report child to teacher

[yackityyak]

My year 8 dd came home yesterday and told me a boy in her group had said something disturbing to her. Apparently he was talking about having children in the future and then said, "if I had kids I bet you'd rape them. It'd be really hard to rape a baby wouldn't it" and then started making thrusting movements and mimiking rape. Whatever he has seen or heard to make him think joking about child abuse, peodophilia, criminal assault, etc is acceptable I really don't want my daughter to have to hear things like that at school. Question is should I report him to school, phone his parents or do nothing and accept kids just behave like this. I keep reading about "rape culture" in the papers and wasnt' really sure what it meant, but am beginning to understand now, as according to my dd its really quite common for kids to joke about rape.

[wonderstuff]

Tell the school - I think tbh it sounds like a child protection issue - children that young having that much sexual knowledge is worrying imo, but I don't spend a lot of time around 8 year olds. At my secondary we are addressing older boys increasingly sexual behaviour - even if it is common it isn't OK

[bruffin]

The OP is talking about yr8 not 8 years old

[wonderstuff]

Oh - d'oh. Still go to school - is not nice is it. Our school are going to do an assembly for the older boys with male teachers spelling out how sexual behaviour in inappropriate and has no place in school, because the whole pants on show, dscussong porn, making inapprop iáte comments to the girls and female staff is increasing and the boys think its OK, which is obviously isn't

[CeliaFate]

I'd speak to your daughter's head of year. It's unacceptable and quite worrying for a 12/13 year old to talk like that.

[yackityyak]

Thanks for your opinions. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just being prudish or a grumpy old person, and should let the kids do their own thing, after all I'm hoping it's all talk and not indicative of something more disturbing going on in the kids backgrounds. My husbands attitude tends to be not to interfere, especially as this might lead to reprisals for the child whose parents complain. It's a hard act to balance, you don't want to set your child apart do you, or lead to them becoming someone who the others avoid because of their interfering parents. At the end of the day I just want my kids not to be exposed to vile and deviant stuff before they are ata an age where they can start to deal with it.

[troisgarcons]

Was this not on a soap plot line just before summer? (the rape issue)..

And yes the HOY would want to hear about that sort of playground discussion.

[spiderpig8]

I wouldn't find it worrying.They are hormones on a stick at that age and totally obsessed with sex
If you started a conversation about an armchair they'd find a way to link it to sex.

[diabolo]

Definitely needs reporting to the Designated Safeguarding Professional at the school.

They will then speak to the boy and it may turn out other professionals need to get involved, or he may just be a nasty piece of work who needs a sharp talking to. Either way, you need to let the staff who are trained in this at the school, know what is being said, in order to work out what is going on.

[diabolo]

spiderpig8 - boys that age do talk about sex a lot, but generally not about raping babies.

[Erebus]

I'd report it.

He seems to know rather a lot about the concept of rape for a 12 to 13 year old.

[CeliaFate]

An interest in sex is one thing. An interest in torturing and violating a vulnerable infant is quite different. I'm shocked that anyone still thinks rape is to do with sex.

[troisgarcons]

A lot of it is regurgitaion from news items or soap story lines.

[2marys]

I agree with troisgarcons but the young man needs to know that it is morally and socially wrong; his peers likewise, and there needs to be a flag for the staff in case there is something worrying going on.

put it another way, what would you feel like if something transpired and you hadn't followed it through? and your ds has been disturbed enough to report it home - an implicit request for your views.

[cory]

I would report it not because I think it is something Yr 8 students won't have heard of and that you can protect a Y 8 student from knowing (they read the papers, don't they?), but because this unhealthy interest in it may indicate that the boy is in trouble. Most 13yos I'd say know of it as something regrettable that you don't joke about; his behavior is disturbing.

[thefirstMrsDeVeerie]

It is probaly nothing. Just a boy showing off.

But its worth reporting incase it isnt.

At the very least someone should have a word about using that sort of language.

I dont see why you child should be subjected to it, its vile and she shouldnt have to hear it.

He needs telling. If its something more sinister, he needs help.

[gabid]

Yes, you need to report it. There may be more to it and HOY needs to have a chat to find out. Besides, your DD found it disturbing and its not an appropriate topic of discussion, the boy needs to be told that at least.