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Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Secondary education

Keeping parents informed?

15 replies

NotaDisneyMum · 06/10/2011 14:53

Are there any rules about schools keeping parents informed?

My DP is NRP to DSD14, but as far as the school are concerned, he doesn't exist!
DP has written several times asking the school to send him details of events etc when they send info to his exW, but to no avail.

He found out today that he missed a year10 info evening last night; the letter about it was posted home but not to our address.

His exW won't tell him about these events because she says that DSD doesn't want DP involved in her life - but in the next breath, DSD is accusing DP of not caring about her because he never turns up to these events!

Other than calling the school every week to check if there's anything going on - is there anything that DP can do?

OP posts:

Report

mnistooaddictive · 06/10/2011 15:12

The school have a legal obligation to inform your dp if events. He nay need to write to them pointing this out.

NotaDisneyMum · 06/10/2011 15:42

misstooaddictive - he has written, several times, and highlighted that he has PR so could the please add him to the mailing lists, contact details etc - they make all the right noises, but nothing changes....

What next?

OP posts:

scaryteacher · 06/10/2011 16:12

Go in and find the school secretary. Stand over her until this is changed. Go and see the HoY, or make an appointment with the Head to discuss it.

mnistooaddictive · 06/10/2011 16:46

I would make a formal complaint to governors then. It doesn't matter if it is a pain for them, they have to do it.

Snorbs · 06/10/2011 16:59

Absolutely - complain to the governors. Families Need Fathers will be able to help advise on this as well.

bossboggle · 06/10/2011 20:27

Chidlren NEED AND HAVE THE RIGHT to have both parents informed of events at school!!

cory · 06/10/2011 20:34

The dsd is 14- surely it is her responsibility to remind her father of any forthcoming event? Our school doesn't post out letters to the parents about such event: any information is given to the pupils and it is their responsibility to remind any relevant adult.

Assuming that this is indeed a 14yo and not a 4yo, I would be seriously cross if she blamed me for her own lack of communication.

NotaDisneyMum · 06/10/2011 22:09

The dsd isn't talking to DP - refuses to have anything to do with him - hasn't seen him since March and spoken to him twice since then - unfortunately she has been exposed to the bad blood between her parents and has 'taken sides' with her mother.
DP has tried to seek support to help, but like you say, at 14, she is considered an adult.

OP posts:

HSMM · 07/10/2011 06:18

Do they have an online system where you can log on and read all newsletters?

Bellavita · 07/10/2011 06:40

Good point HSMM - I am always logging on to my sons website - has a calendar of the years events.

I work in a secondary school and we send info to many divorced parents so each other are informed.

I would get DP to go in and speak to someone about it.

DownbytheRiverside · 07/10/2011 07:45

She doesn't want to talk to him and doesn't want him in her life, presumably the school have some duty to listen to the wishes of a teenager as well as those of the NRP?
We have a couple of parents that come to parents' evenings but have to come on different days to reduce conflict. The NRP is copied into school events and reports.
School website should have had key dates on it, but he needs to build a relationship with his daughter before anything else. How long have they been split, and what has his contact been with her over that time?
Scenario, he turns up to a meeting and she gives him a mouthful and leaves. How is that helping her?

cory · 07/10/2011 07:57

Oh, that does seem very awkward, OP, and I can see that he is frustrated.

At the same time, Riverside makes a good point: how much good would he do at a school meeting if she won't even speak to him? Ime secondary school meetings are very much about a 3 part conversation with pupil/parent/teacher: that's simply not going to work if one part keeps glaring at the other. At 14 he wouldn't be able to make any decisions about her education without getting her on board anyway, even if he were the resident parent, so he is going to have to start with building up their relationship.

ellisbell · 07/10/2011 08:43

he has a right to see school reports and if the school refuse to do that he should take it up with the governors. Looking at the school website would also be a good idea. Meanwhile he needs to try and rebuild a relationship with his child - and with his ex-wife. When a relationship breaks down there are usually faults on both sides and he may get further with his daughter by admitting that and expressing regret, by letter or e-mail if she won't speak to him.

NotaDisneyMum · 07/10/2011 09:55

Arthur point he's open to any suggestions on how he can rebuild his relationship - he writes regularly, but the letters are 'not well received' according to DPs exW, she refuses to speak to the phone to him.
He has expressed regret for the pain that the separation of her parents has caused her, and a hope that she can accept his new life - but she doesn't want to, at least not at the moment.

DPs marriage ended three years ago (exW had an affair) and DSD is still very angry She refuses counselling and exW is supporting her choice not to see DP. Any suggestions?

OP posts:

NotaDisneyMum · 07/10/2011 09:56

Eugh - autocorrect! Arthur has nothing to do with it - at this point

OP posts:

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