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Advice needed R.E bullying issue

(11 Posts)
Jabbie2 Thu 29-Sep-11 15:11:28

DD, in yr 8.Didn't want to go to school today because of something which happened in one of her classes.

Teacher was outside the class door talking to another pupil about their behaviour(she says).They should all of been working.Another child(boy) gets up out of his seat, comes over to DD, pulls her hair and takes the glasses from her face.Goes back to his seat where he mucks about putting them on and passing them back round to his friends to put on.DD is mortified and really embarrased as you can imagine.Teacher comes back in and bawls out class as I think they had been laughing.Doesn't notice that DD is not wearing glasses or that boy has glasses on his desk.

The children settle back to get on with their work and DD has to go to boys desk to try and get her glasses back.Boy makes her smile which she hates doing then puts glasses on floor and pretends to step on them.DD finally gets them back.She is kept back after class to finish off work.Teacher is not aware of what has happened.DD is scared of boy not not just that, he has a gang.Apparently he just targets girls.

She didn't want to tell me and I fully understand why as she is really scared of the consequences, there will be repercussions from this as people are calling her a snitch already.

I met with the Head of Year this morning, she wasn't going back into school until I had spoken to someone I felt that strongly.DD told him what had happened and he wrote it all down.DD then made her own statement.What they seem to do at her school is to get both parties together in the same room.Why do they do that? DD was crying this morning, there is no way she would want him to see her cry.The boy has been in isolation all day.

When I asked the HOY what would happen to the boy, he said he couldn't tell me, why is that?

What will happen now R.E finding out from the school what they have done/are going to do?

My daughter said when she was talking to the Deputy, he said it might become a matter for the police, under what grounds does anyone know?

Any insight from Secondary teachers , those that might know would be gratefully received, sorry it's so long.I can't find out about the schools polices online, am I meant to ask for them? There must be a step by step proceedure they carry out, this is bullying but is it also something else because of the fact my daughter wears glasses and as soon as he took them off her head she was compromised?

MrsRobertDuvall Thu 29-Sep-11 19:31:20

The school will not discuss what they are doing with the boy as it is none of your business. Not being rude, that's just the situation.

Can't see why the police would be involved.
Are you sure their policies aren't online?

CustardCake Fri 30-Sep-11 08:53:16

The school can tell you how they are going to safeguard your DD but they don't discuss the boy's punishment or what his parents have been told or anything like that. All schools have that policy.
It is unlikely the police will be involved at this stage unless it is part of a more serious problem. The reason for mentioning it as a potential is that children over the age of 10 are responsible for their own actions so if they assault or harass somebody they could be committing a criminal offence. Bullying or one-off serious offences at secondary school age can become a criminal matter and referred to the police.
You should certainly ask for a copy of their anti bullying policy and you should keep a written record of this incident at home while the details are fresh. Hopefully it won't keep happening but if a pattern develops, you want to have facts at your fingertips to take to the school and to use if it gets beyond that.

Theas18 Fri 30-Sep-11 09:33:24

Um I know you are defending your daughter and therefore want to make sure all is sorted but ITA with the above- you have to leave school to deal.

Unless you have only given us part of the story it was an isolated incident- though of course it shouldn't have happened. By making much of it you are probably making things more worrying for your daughter than they need to be.

How can your daughter learn, in her own head to rise above this ?? Try a book called "bullies bigmouths and other so called friends" . Bullies are with us in all walks of life and learning to deal with them is vital- letting them make us feel small just renders us vulnerable again. Your daughter wears glasses- if he comes to take them again how about yelling something like "sod off you creep" whilst forcibly knocking his hand away? I bet she'd only need to do it the once...

Oh and make sure she carries spare glasses if she is really incapacitated without- the other way would be to make a really nice comment "like wow girls glasses really suit you" whilst putting spares on face!

admission Fri 30-Sep-11 11:15:13

I agree with other posters, you will not be given any detail about what the school does and what action is taken against the others involved. It may well be that if the school is on the ball, that they already have the lad in their sights and the reason for saying this could involve the police is because they know a lot more about other issues that they are ever going to tell you or your daughter.
More than anything else I think you need to be re-assuring your daughter that the school are involved and that is the right thing to do. Obviously any reaction from the other pupil directly involved or any of the "gang" must be immediately reported by your daughter to the deputy head.

Kez100 Fri 30-Sep-11 11:25:46

The best things you can do are to let the school deal with it and to empower your daughter to deal with something similar if it ever happens again. You can bet your bottom dollar, as they were so open about it (in a classroom) they only pick on those they perceive as vulnerable.

As well as you talking to her, does she have a buddy in a higher year at school or are there peer mentors? Often talking to older children who understand helps.

Jabbie2 Fri 30-Sep-11 11:56:06

Hi MrsRobertDuvall, I have looked on their website and cannot see any links to anything.

Custardcake, DD said the deputy was responding to rumours she had heard(and asked him) about the police being involved, he didn't say they were going to get the police involved, I think I didn't hear what she was saying properly.He did say they might consider it.

Theas18, I agree.I am a little disappointed that I have not received a follow up call this morning to say what is happening but I suppose it is what everyone is saying that they don't have to/and won't tell me.I do have that book we have both read it.She is normally quite assertive she speaks out she doesn't shy away it was just the fact that he whipped off her glasses making her feel really self-conscious and embarrased in front of her friends.He does things to other girls, I don't think he has taken another girls glasses, he smacks girls bums and trys to touch them/grab them and he likes pushing and pulling hair but apparently its all "jokes" which of course it isn't.She had one of his gang try to take her glasses yesterday just as they were leaving school and she told him to sod off forceably but she was shaking inside(she says).

Admission, the deputy spent quite a time talking to her yesterday making sure she was o.k which she says did make her feel safer.Another boy in the glass was able to corroborate her story too which made her feel she was not standing out alone.

Kez, I agree, she was just getting on with her work it came out of nowhere.Normally she ignores him, she doesn't like him, never has, he has just this year turned up in one of her classes.

MelCamilleri Fri 30-Sep-11 12:04:23

All schools must have an anti-bullying policy which sets out its "Aim", "Statutory Duties of School" plus supporting procedures. It sounds like the school needs to be providing you with greater confidence they are dealing with this incident in accordance with that policy. Ask for a copy and work with the school with its implementation.

In terms of DD, provide support and reassurance on both an emotional level (it's important that she knows you will protect her) plus practical level (equip her with strategies to cope with these types of incidents). Bullies present themselves throughout everyone's life; regardless of age or environment. Self belief and confidence will reduce their impact considerably.

Good luck!!

CrosswordAddict Fri 30-Sep-11 16:33:49

Jabbie2 Sorry for your daughter's embarrassment.
My DD1 had grief from a boy/thug in her year8 last year but now she is taller than him he has gone very quiet grin
Also she is in Army Cadets and a tough cookie. Nobody messes with her now.
Sad to say your DD needs to "out" this lad with some cutting remarks like "Back off you no-mark" or "Hands off you creep" or whatever she can come up with. Practise this at home if she can possibly do it.

CrosswordAddict Fri 30-Sep-11 16:36:46

Forgot to say, spare glasses are a must. Also what about contact lenses?
They are great for sporty teenagers.

peteneras Sun 02-Oct-11 11:08:27

"Another child(boy) gets up out of his seat, comes over to DD, pulls her hair and . . . "

To me that's assault and battery alright and certainly grounds for a police case. I would approach the HM and tell him/her this and ask what's being done to prevent future recurrence.

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