Setting for Maths

[CeliaFate]

Dd had a maths test last week which enabled the maths teacher to put all the children into sets.

Dd struggles with maths, had a tutor for 6 months and dramatically improved, but still has difficulty retaining things.

So she had the test, got 2% away from being in the second set. The sets are fluid and if improvement's made she'll go up a set by Christmas.

Dh comes home tonight and is really pissed off because a friend's daughter revised for the test using sample questions (which everyone was given) and is put in set 1. He is cross that we didn't do enough revision with dd.

I disagree - I think if you're being assessed on your ability then you go and do what you can do, not cram a few hours in and get a falsely high mark then struggle in a set that's too hard for you. If it's an exam where you pass/fail that's different, but I don't want dd to be stressed out in a set she can't cope with. Dh sees this as a lack of ambition and a resignation that "that'll do" is good enough.

What do you think? How would you phrase it to your dh? He's being a bit precious over this imho, and I'm pissed off with his attitude so I don't want to start an argument by saying the wrong thing like you're a knob

[meditrina]

Don't argue: simply tell him that he is now entirely responsible for all oversight of DD's homework.

[kakapo]

Well if he insists on arguing it, I would just tell him it's a bit of a moot point, since you can hardly go back and revise now! Maybe you can ask him to suggest a way forward.

[minipie]

I think I'd emphasise to him that there is nothing necessarily "better" about being in a higher set. No prizes are given for being in upper sets. If she is in a lower set, she may well have fewer students in the class (many schools do this) and thus get more one on one teaching. Also she will have her confidence boosted by being towards the top rather than the bottom of her set. And if she seems to be well ahead of the rest of the set, she will be moved up.

[exoticfruits]

She is much better where she is-she can gain confidence by being one of the best. Why does he want her in the top set? I suspect it is just to say 'my DC is in the top set' as a reflected glory.
My DS started in the 3rd set, then went up to 2nd and finally got to the top, once he had confidence. He ended up with A at GCSE and A at A'level. He covered the same work and he did better than many who were in the top set from the start. The school won't let her stay in a low set if she is performing well.

[CeliaFate]

Thanks, all. exoticfruits I thought it was a pride thing too. Not so, according to dh. He's cross that she didn't have a level playing field by not revising, when other children did lots of work. He's cross mainly with himself for being in his opinion, naive enough to let her get on with it and not push her to achieve more.
I'm still of the opinion that it's better to gain confidence and be happy with a subject and learn to love it or tolerate it at a slower pace but do see that if parents are doing a lot of prep with their children, then we should give dd the same advantage.

[minipie]

Well if other parents/children did lots of prep, it probably is best if your DD does too. Not so much so she would "achieve more" but more simply because if all the other kids are prepped then she needs to be too, so that the teachers get properly comparable results to use when deciding on sets. If she's the only unprepped one then her ranking will be artifically low compared with all the prepped kids, iyswim, and so she may be placed in the wrong set for her true ability.

[noblegiraffe]

If she's had a tutor for 6 months then you've pushed her quite a bit already for presumably a Y7.

If she didn't revise and just missed out on something, then she has learned a valuable lesson for herself. If she is disappointed with herself then she might be a bit more motivated to prepare thoroughly for tests in the future.

Having her dad standing over her yelling 'WORK HARDER' at every test is going to get really old, really fast.

[exoticfruits]

I really wouldn't worry-if she works well she will go up -she is very young and nothing is set in stone. Much better to work well and go up, than to get there in the first place, struggle and go down.