Advice pls.. year 7 DD and have become 'annoying mum' after only 4 days!!(11 Posts)
My dd started on her new school on Tues. She has done brilliantly - getting herself on bus, making friends and loving each day so far. However she has already started eyerolling and being generally grumpy with me. I knew that she would grow up .. but not this quickly!!?! I know she must be exhausted but has always been a loving and easy going kid (she leaves the grumpy angry attitude to her younger sibling!). Advice please from anyone who has been through similar. Is it a phase? She is finding the freedom of going around the school and getting herself to school fantastic and wonder if this is just part of her development. Not sure whether to come down hard on her with boundaries or to give her a little space .. ahh!
Join the club. DD has been doing this for the last year. I expect your DD is also tired and a little stressed. It is very tiring starting at high school (and in DD's case getting out of bed and leaving the house an hour earlier each day doesn't help).
I do think they are so drained by the return to school this week, particularly if they are handling a big change like your DD, that they tend to need to offload a bit somewhere and do a bit of "kicking the cat" - taking it out on someone safe like you. My older DD has just gone into 6th form and was pretty heavy going for the first part of this week. I think this might be a classic case of picking your battles - if it was me, I would not be trying to argue about every little eye roll just now, but if she escalates the rudeness then I would be inclined to make it clear that you are not there to be a whipping boy. She may well settle down a bit in a couple of weeks, when the new school is more familiar and she's not quite so challenged by everything - if she doesn't, I'd be inclined to wait till then before being too firm about boundaries. Also there is the general pre-teen/teen thing of not sweating the small stuff - if you argue about everything, they'll have stopped listening long before the thing you really needed to argue about turns up. It's hard, though!
I agree with alice - they are having to be so grown up and independent all of a sudden - its a pretty big leap. They have so much new stuff including handling expectations of many different new adults all in one go. So whilst I wouldnt allow outright rudeness I would certainly expect them to be playing up somewhat.
my dd has gone the opposite - cuddling me constantly, wanting me to help her with everything. it's like shes regressed back to Year 3. Very odd, but its her way of coping.
Thanks for the comments so far and alice15 think that is great advice. I am really happy with how well the transition has gone and may need to let go a bit. If I am honest I struggle with the changes too and maybe a bit in her face!! .
It is really really hard isnt it, I'm struggling too - hugely.
We had a truly terrible first fortnight at home when DD started in Y7 last year. Tears, tantrums, eye-rolling, you name it.
She was totally exhausted what with getting up early, getting on the buses (complex route), making new friends, getting used to the school, and a mountain of homework. Even though she loved the school, it was so much to take in.
After a couple of weeks she got into the routine more and it all settled down at home.
Take a step of two back and cut her a bit of slack. You might find that a conversation (on the weekend when she is more rested) about how you understand that she is tired and stressed, etc, and that you are expecting her to return to her usual high standards of behaviour soon....!
It is hard to try to take more of a back seat as they move to secondary school, but after a term or two, you will relish the fact that they are more independent!
DS had a major grump yesterday (week 1 of 'big' school). Apparently I was 'being mean' because he said he'd forgotten his latin homework, and I said 'oh dear, well I guess you'll soon learn not to do that again...' Cue him storming off to his room/ slamming doors etc.
About 10 minutes later I took him some hot chocolate and we had a bit of a chat about how difficult it is to sort everything out when it's all new...
Chill, pick your battles but always stick to a set bed time, lights out by 10pm at the latest routine. I've 2 dd's one just gone into year 12 one year 10 and to be honest thats how we have got through any stressful times. I'm sure it used to be 9pm bedtime but has crept to 10pm.
I ignore anything that really doesn't matter, pull them up an any rudeness, they both have to get jobs to pay for luxurys but they still have to respect bedtime and organise themselves with showers etc so that lights are out by 10pm on school nights, so far so good!!!
Thanks.. good to know it isnt just me! Of course just picked her up and she is totally fine and chatty.. however exhausted and asking how long it is until half term !!
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