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would you alert y7 teachers to this difficult friendship? teachers - woud you want to know?

(13 Posts)
EasternGrit Mon 05-Sep-11 13:21:53

dd has just left a small primary - 10 kids in her year, including 5 girls. 3 of the girls, inc dd, are going to be in the same class in secondary. Friendship between one of these girls, and the others, has always been strained. I don't want to go into specifics and I fully accept that I can't possibly know all the details, and that facts get distorted in the reporting. However, over a period of a few years, I have heard consistent reports of this girl teasing the others with a little more meaness and impact than is within normal playground bounds. Her comments have got to some of the girls such that they have modified their behaviour so as to not be teased by her. In such a small school there has never been the option of just leaving her to it and not being friends. The reports that I hear is that the girls have all tried really hard to stay friends with her and include her. The reports are from multiple sources including other kids, parents and teachers. It also seems to me that no-one joins in with her teasing - so it hasn't escalated too much. Towards the end of term things got worse though and there was an incident that actually got physical. The girl was given a suitable punishment, term ended, and that was that.

My fear is that, on starting secondary, things could escalate again - and she could get people joining in with her teasing. My question to you lot is - should I call the y7 teacher to tell her the history? I don't want to label this child, but wonder if it might help any new developments get nipped in the bud - which would be good all round, including for this girl, not just dd. I just want them all to be happy and enjoy their new school. I've never been one to go to teachers about such things - never done it once in fact - even when I heard about the incident last term I was happy to accept that the head had dealt with it and it should be left at that.

So is a calm, factual, reporting of the background helpful? or unwanted meddling? rl friends are divided.

mrsrhodgilbert Mon 05-Sep-11 13:31:42

I have had some experience of girls going into year 7 where there has been an existing issue from primary school. Although things were not sorted out immediately, new friendships were formed and it may be that your dd is able to avoid the problem girl. Also she is going to be a small fish in a big pond now, she may feels less in control and brave.

I think you need evidence of trouble at the new school before you contact a teacher. No matter how anxious you may feel I would hold out until something happens to your dd directly. You may need the teachers help over something more serious at some point so better keep your powder dry for now.

CeliaFate Mon 05-Sep-11 13:46:10

I'd say nothing until a specific incident involving your dd (which hopefully won't occur!). The school will have the girl's file and notes from the previous teacher.
Look upon this as a fresh start for everyone and the chance for your dd to move away from this girl and form new friendshops.

tabulahrasa Mon 05-Sep-11 13:49:40

Files are sent with information about all pupils, you shouldn't need to inform them. I'd keep an eye on it in case it's not had the attention paid to it that it should have, but I wouldn't get in touch beforehand.

AMumInScotland Mon 05-Sep-11 14:09:07

I would leave it - the dynamics will be different in the new school and class, and the teachers will have their eye on the relationshyips which are developing and see any problems for themselves. If your own dd had been on the receiving end of bullying then I might say differently, but it sounds lower grade than that, plus not specifically directed at her. So, I'd leave it.

TalkinPeace2 Mon 05-Sep-11 14:53:07

At my chosen Secondary, the pastoral team visited each of the feeder primaries last term before tutor groups were allocated.
Not much appears to have got past them.
And Secondary Pastoral has many more options than primary.

sillybillies Mon 05-Sep-11 14:55:42

You would normally have a parents evening early on for year 7's so perhaps wait and bring it up with the form teacher informally to see if they have noticed anything. Also has the benefit of letting the form teacher know so he/she can keep an eye out. Keep it casual and just let them know there is a background problem. Might be that they are already aware from the info for primary school and have separated the girls completely already.

Talker2010 Mon 05-Sep-11 17:59:37

I am going to go again the flow here

Let the Head of Year 7 know ... (s)he will not consider it an issue BUT if something happens (s)he will know to keep an eye out

Things in secondary (due to size) can fall through cracks and become bigger when a bit of prior knowledge would mean that the same small incident might be looked at in context and problems nipped in the bud

Coconutty Mon 05-Sep-11 19:31:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Greensleeves Mon 05-Sep-11 19:37:35

I think it would be fairer to let all of the kids start their new school with a clean slate - it would be a real shame for the other girl to start with a reputation

keep an eye on things though and keep to conversations going with your dd, then you can swoop if anything starts to go wrong

EasternGrit Mon 05-Sep-11 21:43:47

thanks all for your very thoughtful posts. (I was dreading being jumped on, thought of as bolshy/pfb/horribly biased but you have all been constructive and gentle with me!) I like the idea of leaving it until the first parent's evening - seems like a good compromise. And it may not even be necessary. thanks all.

Erebus Tue 06-Sep-11 15:15:53

I though you were going to be taken to the cleaners too, grit ! grin Glad you weren't as it's a sensible issue you've raised.

beatenbyayellowteacup Sat 10-Sep-11 20:02:28

I'd say tell the Head of Year or her tutor. It's pretty norma for schools to visit all the feeder schools and get the lowdown on just about everything, so they probably know already, but tbh schools prefer to know as much as possible so they can keep an eye on it. They are just getting to know the new students too.

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