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my son is starting secondary school and i am scared

(24 Posts)
SUZUKI123 Thu 14-Jul-11 12:24:06

my son is starting secondary school this september and i am dreading it ive got loads of fears a couple of the not so nice kids will be in my sons new tutor group hes ok about it and is looking forward to it and in front of him i am being positive but when hes not about i cry any tips youve got for helping me be like him would be greatful i feel quite stupid really

AMumInScotland Thu 14-Jul-11 12:49:45

Honestly? Get over it - if he's not worried about it, then he'll probably be fine. If anything happens, worry about it then, not in advance.

So he has a couple of bad kids in his group - so will everyone else!

You just have to trust him to cope with what life sends him - it's part of them growing up.

mumblechum1 Thu 14-Jul-11 12:51:25

He'll pick up on your negativity if you're not careful.

bitsyandbetty Thu 14-Jul-11 12:53:49

My DS too and he is tiny compared to all the others but he can't wait and so I am looking foward to him going.

kaluki Thu 14-Jul-11 12:55:40

My ds starts yr7 in September too, I am inwardly panicking worried about him getting on a bus by himself and actually finding his way round and remembering everything.
But these days the schools are so supportive, he has had an induction day and will go in a day before the rest of the school and his pastoral teacher lady is really nice. A lot more than I had when I started secondary.
Time to let go - hard though it is sad

coccyx Thu 14-Jul-11 13:06:21

bit harsh to say 'trust him to cope with what life sends him'. Think you need to be careful that he doesn't pick up your negative vibes, but he needs to know you are there if he needs you.
Think its normal to feel a bit anxious,

AngryChair Thu 14-Jul-11 13:10:28

You are me - this time last year.

I knew of 2 boys in particular who were going to be in DS's form who ALREADY bullied him at primary as well as a few others who I had a feeling would immediately pick on on DS's "individualness!".

He's now coming to the end of year 7 and has achieved more this past year than at any other time in his life. He's learnt the basics of a new language - so much so that he is jetting off to that country on Saturday on a student exchange. He began to learn the drums and is due to take his grade one exam anytime soon, he also performed on the drums at the annual school music concert. He joined the drama club and has taken part in two school productions with that and he also took part in a national dance competition which took him to two different cities in experiences he'll never forget. Last night I attended a presentation evening where he was awarded a lovely certificate for his contribution to the school.

And this time last year - I didn't want him to go to secondary school at all!!

Honestly, he'll be fine. The experience is so different from primary, any bullying the schools (or most schools) will stamp on straight away, unlike primary where its usually a case of "well I've had a word with little Timmy and he promises not to do it again) etc!

Just be prepared for the fact that the little lad you know now - will not be the same lad you are discussing on here this time next year! smile

uninspired Thu 14-Jul-11 13:13:23

Totally agree with AngryChair. Secondary is a whole different ball game to Primary, your DS will flourish.

[Veteran Y7 Mum who was a bag of nerves this time last year emoticon]

Scholes34 Thu 14-Jul-11 14:15:54

There's a tradition at our primary school that the new Year 7s come back after their first day at secondary school to see their old Year 6 teacher. It's amazing how even by that time they just look so out of place and too old for the primary school.

EatenTooMuch Thu 14-Jul-11 14:21:27

Scholes that happened at my DS's school. They left year 6 in the July and the first week back in year 7 they visited the old primary and they looked really out of place. You could just tell a mile off that they were not primary school kids. Even though it had only been a couple of months. Secondary school forces them to grow up very quickly. Everything about my DS changed in his first year, he became more confident, more mature in the way he spoke and more - dare I say it - manly.

SUZUKI123 Thu 14-Jul-11 21:29:15

thankyou for all your honest opinions and they have all helped

GenevieveHawkings Fri 15-Jul-11 22:08:00

This is such a lovely, positive thread. My DS is off to secondary school in September too and I am dreading it although he is looking forward to it - I was even dreading his two taster days!! . I suppose as adults we know all the shit that life can throw at you but for them they are just innocent to it all. Secondary school just seems like such a harsh, adult environment compared to how they're cocooned in a little fairy land-like environment at primary school. It's all part of growing up I know but it doesn't really make it any easier. I know it'll pass and probably be fine once they actually get there.

I'm dreading next week too - the last week of term and all the emotional things that will be going on around leaving primary - farewell assemblies and so on and everything being "the end of an era". I keep getting all weepy (doesn't help that I'm very pre-menstural too!) but I figure I won't be the only one feeling like it.

Thanks to all of you who've added such lovely hopeful comments for the benefit of those of us who are, let's say, struggling with it all a bit at the moment. smile

Next thing is - do I stick his soft toys in a bin bag over the summer holidays? He's still only 10!!!

AngryChair Sat 16-Jul-11 11:59:05

Oh I wept like a baby on DS's last week of term. There was a leavers assembly where the head went on about how much the school would miss them and how everything will be different now but they'll never forget their days at primary school. Then a load of photos came on the screen of the DCs from way back in nursery with their easter parade hats, various sports days as they got older, lifestyle in year 5 - I held it together until I saw DS1 burst out crying - leading to uncontrollable sobbing, a teacher with tears strolling down her face grabbed him and they sobbed together and I just broke down!! Everyone was crying, it was really, really sad and I still get a lump in my throat when I think about it now.

On the rather amusing side though - throughout the assembly a lone dad sat there - shaven head, covered in tattoos - looked like a proper "hard man" iyswim? Around him all the women were crying and he was sat there stone faced looking rather distant. At the end of the assembly he left the school gates, lit up a cigarette and said "than fuck for that, I haven't been that close to crying since the last world cup" grin

robingood19 Sat 16-Jul-11 13:53:47

I thought starting school was less worrying now than 50 years ago With rigid discipline and corporal punishment commonplace.

robingood19 Sat 16-Jul-11 13:54:43

I thought starting school was less worrying now than 50 years ago With rigid discipline and corporal punishment commonplace.

Kez100 Sun 17-Jul-11 09:43:42

The end of Primary School is very touching and emotional but the start of secondary should be celebrated because, most children, are very ready for it and quite excited. Of course, children have different issues to face which might make them nervous - maybe transport or the size of the school. Inthink that where a positive but understanding (rather than negative) approach comes in. It is a big step - I suspect many of us remember our first day at secondary.

My two are lucky in that they go to quite a small secondary on the doorstep. On my sons first day, he ran in. I was gobsmacked but it shows hoe children do adapt.

Firs day for parents is really exciting - new timetables to discuss when they get home and lot of different teachers and new acquaintances from other primaries.

Embrace it. It only happens once (per child)

fairlytiredallthetime Sun 17-Jul-11 19:36:07

Don't forget that even if he has some horrible kids in his tutor group, he'll be unlikely to be in most of his lessons with them. He'll have the opportunity to meet so many different kids and if his new school is anything like my DD's, he'll have lots of new opportunities to join clubs after school. Encourage him to do extra curricular activities if you can. I know for my DD, these gave her an opportunity meet other Year 7's she wouldn't normally have mixed with and also kids in the older year groups. Don't worry, I'm sure he'll love it.

spinwiz Fri 22-Jul-11 09:17:15

I remember feeling like this several years ago. My son will now be going into year 10 in September. I even attempted to get him into a Private School, however, he didn`t pass the enterance exam. He came from a little Village school and I was so anxious and worried. I dropped him off the first day and cried all the way home. I need not have bothered. He loved it. Settled in right away, made loads of new friends. He has excelled at basketball, even representing his region. He still has a great group of friends and is doing ok academically. I`m so glad he didn`t get in the Private School, I now know it just wouldn`t have been the right choice for him. Try not to worry, children cope more than us most of the time.

Erebus Fri 22-Jul-11 18:44:44

Our secondary HT says the following:

We know how difficult that first day can be. We know about the nerves, the fear of the size of the place, the anxiety about all the new faces, new teachers, new subjects, getting lost.. and the basic question- Will I cope?... But enough about the mums at the school gate, the children are absolutely fine.

Ne're a truer word was spoken!

bossboggle Fri 29-Jul-11 14:44:02

Erebus, how right you are!! The children are fine the parents are another thing altogether!! To all those beginning secondary school - parents or children .... enjoy all that it offers and do the best you can!!

Ormirian Fri 29-Jul-11 14:48:09

If he's looking forward to it why are you worrying?

It's the best thing that ever happened to my DS1. The very best. He has grown up so much and become 100x more independent than he ever was before. In fact he has become a young man.

The 'bad kids' will be much more diluted in secondary school than they were in primary so they will be irrelevant. I know it seems frightening but it will be fine.

Don't worry.

FWIW my DD started at the same school a year ago and she was dreading it. But even she has had a fantastic year and is now very happy and settled.

moanymum Wed 03-Aug-11 17:21:39

Lots of lovely positive comments. I know DS is a bit worried himself, even after a couple of taster days, as he has seen how hard DD works, but she's 3 years ahead! He's my baby so I have to try not to be over protective. However, over the summer holidays I have noticed a huge difference in him confidence wise with friends etc so I am looking forward to seeing him grow up further. Can't move back so got to be positive - 2 weeks today he'll have finished Day 1 and I've my fingers crossed he'll be like DD, who after a week couldn't understand how she could ever have gone to primary school!

prairiegirl Thu 04-Aug-11 16:02:02

Went to counselling sessions at the primary school for the Yr 6's and parents. The parents (who, to a person, were like me - not born in the UK) were all worried but the DCs had a few concerns but for the most part were taking it all in their stride.

DD is an only so I have just one shot at it! And summer progressing with nagging to turn the television off and that there are other books besides Jacqueline Wilson...

Struggling with the green embroidery initials and names on the gym skirt (!) and polo shirt - totally nostalgic for the supermarket-bought stuff... Ghastly stiff flannel blazers with sleeves turned up 5 inches. £400. later - state school too!

willowtree41 Sat 06-Aug-11 18:07:51

I have two children starting Semptember too. Initially I was worried because it was n't the school I wanted, but now I try not to show my worries, as both of my children are really excited about going to school. I think this is important, so they feel calm and enjoy there first day.
Don't worry, they will be fine..pinky promise!!..lol

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