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Twin dilemma!! school want to know if we should split up?

(25 Posts)
JETS Mon 20-Jun-11 18:51:22

The high school my twins will attend in Sept want to know if we would like to split them up in form groups - initial instinct was 'no, of course not' - but now we are wondering if there may be some advantages to the divide as they do get 'grouped' as one identity and perhaps this is a chance for them to be seen as individuals.
They are totally torn by the idea as they are really good friends but also quite like to have "a fresh start" - wondering if anyone been down this route and what you think?

Northernlurker Mon 20-Jun-11 18:52:57

No personal experience but I would be totally guided by them. Ask them (seperately) how they would feel if told they HAVE to be apart.

Tortu Mon 20-Jun-11 19:15:15

Good grief, separate them! I teach in a large comprehensive which tends to have around 3 sets of identical twins per year. They are never in the same form and, in fact, we tend to put them in different halves of the year so that they are never in the same classes either.

Putting them in the same form would mean that they will definitely not be seen as individuals and will get confused by both teachers and students.

Jonnyfan Mon 20-Jun-11 20:13:59

Do we know they are identical?
I would be inclined to split them up . I have boy/girl twins and they were together all through juniors and happy to be so, but felt ready to split in year 7.

JETS Mon 20-Jun-11 20:43:34

Identical but easy to tell apart due to personality and hair styles!! But teachers and students at primary still ask who is who - think it is because in small primary and they are very close.

Alldownhillnow Mon 20-Jun-11 22:32:50

We split our twins up when they were about nine. (boy/girl) It just became obvious that they would do better in separate classes. It was a gradual realisation for us and it was a natural progression fo them. They remain incredibly close, but they have been able to develop their own friendships and their subject choices have been different.

Do what you think is best for your twins, not what someone else thinks is best for them.

RedVW Tue 21-Jun-11 10:15:59

I have twin boys coming to the end of Year 6 in a middle school (Years 5 to 8). They were in the same class and same ability groups from Reception to Year 4. They are extremely close and have the same friends. When they moved to middle school in Year 5 and given the choice of staying together or separating, they asked to go into separate classes. However, they still meet up in Maths and English as they are in the same set for these subjects.

They continue to love school, share stories, compare notes on which topics they have covered in the various subjects etc. I am pleased they had each other for 5 years but am also pleased they now have the confidence to separate. When they do meet up for special projects, they tend to seek each other out to work in the same group which can be great when they are working on their project at home.

Good luck in your decision making and if they decide to be separated, make sure you give it time to work.

SoupDragon Tue 21-Jun-11 10:19:27

I would. Partly based on the fact that they would quite like a "fresh start". They will naturally be torn, having not been split before, and are probably a little scared about the idea. A new school where everyone is making new friends is, I think, a great time to do it.

They'll still see each other!

DeWe Tue 21-Jun-11 10:44:18

Ask them. I've seen it work both ways.
At my secondary school there were a pair of twins very identical in the same form. Rumour had it that they were always sat at oposite ends of the room during exams because they often wrote the same word for word so they knew that they hadn't copied.
They went on to read the same subject at Oxbridge in next door colleges, which must have given a few funny moments.
BUT they were known as one name, and most people didn't try to tell them apart, although I remember (I started when they were 5th/6th form) finding them reasonably easy even when they were apart, so I found this surprising, and a bit mean.

seenitallbefore Tue 21-Jun-11 17:38:19

I would split them. My identical girls have been in separate forms all high school. Though as some subjects became "setted" ( in ability groups) they drifted together again in several classes. Not a problem either way to them-they have many friends shared and several to themselves (IYSWIM) BUT I think it is important that they can stand alone if need be. They don't want to be like these weird middle aged identical twins you see on Channel 5 progs- still dressed the same and living together at aged 50! They are now heading into 6th form and now their plan is to ensure they are not at the same university ! Both well ready to fly the nest and do their own thing like their older non twin siblings.

JETS Fri 24-Jun-11 21:21:07

Yhx for all the comments - v amused seenitall. This is exactly what we talk about my girls r always saying lets not turn out like those twins that cant live without each other ever!! As an update i had decided best to split but they had both talked about it and decided that they really wanted to b in same form for lots of reasons so we r going in together as I think everyone is v right re the do what is best for them! Also i would have more confidence in a split if i had more confidence in the school but my ds has not had great exp for the past four yrs so perhaps being together at the start is something special that we shouldnt take for granted!

darkside Mon 27-Jun-11 09:46:12

there were twins at a school my eldest attended and although identical my child could tell them apart by personality and minor differences in body size. Their teachers had more of a problem. It would be easier for them to develop as individuals if they were separate but as they are opposed to it I wouldn't force them at the start.

frostyfingers Mon 27-Jun-11 12:34:20

What do they want? My DT's are just finishing GCSE's and have been in separate forms for the last three years, but due to (not surprisingly) similar academic abilities been in the same sets for every subject. They are going to 6th form college and studying 4 subjects, with 2 in common.

I don't always feel comfortable with the idea that because they are twins they "must" be separated - try it and see, but with the proviso if they are miserable apart or together, whichever you choose, that it can be changed.

Colleger Mon 27-Jun-11 12:39:54

Bizarre not to separate them quite frankly. Twins are always viewed as weird and I don't think you should have had a say in this and the school should have separated them. It's not as if best friends get to stay together when they move up because they are friends! hmm

Colleger Mon 27-Jun-11 12:41:14

And if they are miserable apart then they have a disfunctional relationship and better to separate them now to try and normalise their relationship!

frostyfingers Mon 27-Jun-11 14:11:53

Blimey Colleger - I hope you're joking! It's a whole different ball game than "best friends", and there should be no general policy to separate, or not to separate for that matter. Each case should be looked at individually and dealt with accordingly.

If you are not joking I resent the implication that because my two are happier together than apart they are dysfunctional and that all twins are weird - on what do you base that statement?

Colleger Mon 27-Jun-11 18:48:11

The fact that separation is being talked of shows that they are seen by family and school as a dual entity and not individuals - poor kids. I said twins are often viewed as weird especially the ones that spend most of their time together.

Colleger Mon 27-Jun-11 20:22:26

not a dual entity - single entity!

JETS Mon 27-Jun-11 22:03:02

Hi thx frosty fingers et al having said together we are now splitting! !!!! Slight dilemma ascthe school put out a questionnaire asking who friends r and my girls both listed each otger first not dysfunctional at all just the value of a great friendship and special relationshipxxx what changed our minds? Went to summer fete ( last primary one) and heard several references to the twins will do tgat nxt. Not a problem per se but decided that it would be nice to answer a register as an individual for a change! Thx for comments again it has been helpful

JETS Mon 27-Jun-11 22:05:24

Ps frosty fingers - we have the proviso of if its not working!!! Agreex

bbboo Sat 02-Jul-11 18:51:36

I know this is probably too late to answer this, and you have already made your decision, bit in case you are having a wobbly moment - PLEASE, PLEASE,PLEASE seperate your children. I am speaking as an identical twin who was seperated at senior school and it was the best thing to do. Finally I knew that people liked me because of me, not because I was one of a twin. It was great having MY friend, not OUR friend. Yes, we did have some shared friends but generally had our own best friend. I grew in confidence, and knew that in the background still had a wonderful closefriendship with my twin. Trust me, that bond is never broken ( I speak as a 46 year old) We went on to sepearate universities, and live hundreds of miles apart, but speak/text/visit each other a lot. BUT, importantly are seen by all our friends as individuals in our own right and it is a great feeling!

JETS Sat 02-Jul-11 22:04:53

Thx bbboo really great comment but yes we r definately splitting and since making this choice the girls seem really happy - i was so pleased to c your comments re still being close to your twin - only those involved have any sense of the bond. We r hopeful for lots of confidence etc. Thx again.

proudfoot Wed 06-Jul-11 04:50:46

Colleger you sound totally unhinged! What on earth are you on about twins are seen as weird and need to have their relationship "normalised" hmm

I think it's best to let them decide what they want. I was in the same form as my twin but we were in different classes for some subjects and IMO that was a good balance.

exoticfruits Wed 06-Jul-11 06:05:49

If I had twins I would want them separate, I would hate them to be seen as a pair where you couldn't invite one and not the other. The school day is short, they have plenty of time together.

Dru77 Thu 07-Jul-11 08:41:03

I have B/G twins in year 1. They were in the same class in reception (different school) but we had no choice about splitting them in the new school for yr1 as they wanted to keep the class sizes even. I prefer mine split as I want them to be seen as individuals not 'the twins'. It makes some things harder i.e. parents evening etc but on the whole it's much better. I think it'd be even more important to split same same twins up.

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