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Y7 unhappy at school

(11 Posts)
newspap Mon 03-Jan-11 20:31:08

My dd has just got upset at the thought of going back to school tomorrow. We made the decision to send her to a very good school, however that meant splitting her up from her closest friends. She has made new friends but does not feel as close to them and it has surprised me a little how difficult she has found it. She cried and said she is missing her friends. We have seen them over the holidays but I think it has made her realise how much she misses them, also they are moving on and making new friends. I feel so sad for hersadand worry that we have done the wrong thing. We had a disaster with high school for our elder 2, so opted for what we thought was the best choice.

Ingles2 Mon 03-Jan-11 21:04:56

I feel sad for you both sad
It's so difficult watching our dc struggle with friendship, but you've got to keep reminding yourself, you made the best decision you could and it's only Jan, so she's only been at the school 4 months, no time at all, and it does take time to forge those strong friendships.
I have a yr 6 son and living in a grammar area, things are changing for him too.
Ds'll be going to the grammar and his bf, the comp.
I'm already explaining to him, that yr 7 is the time for change, not only will they all be going to different schools, but there'll be different classes, buses, social groups and study groups.
Maybe you need to remind your dd of this, and perhaps suggest that some of these changes would have happened even if she went to the same school as her old friends.
In the mean time, how about having the new friends over for a pizza or sleepover?
Give it another few months and I'm sure she'll be feeling more confident.

bruffin Tue 04-Jan-11 08:48:23

I agree with Ingles,friendships do change in yr7 from primary and in many ways it is even more upsetting if they are at the same school, as sometimes one child is ready to move on and find new friends and others are not ready at all.
It's only one term and still very early. My DD made lots of new friends in year 7 but her friendship group is still changing in year 8. One of her bf from primary is at her school, they are still very good friends out of school and go out together, however in school they hardly see each other at all and go around in different groups.

newspap Tue 04-Jan-11 13:40:17

Thanks for your support, she seems happier this morning, fingers crossed smile

oldspot Tue 04-Jan-11 19:54:09

Hi newspap, hang on in there; Our Ds started his new secondary school Colyton Grammar in Sept 2010 and didn't know anyone, and has made lots of new freinds. It just takes time; just give lots of love and support and it will come good.

squeezedatbothends Thu 06-Jan-11 17:08:31

Yes, hang on in there. She'll benefit in the end - making new friends and getting through difficult times will stand her in good stead for the future - especially when she eventually goes to Uni. I went through the same thing myself. Tough first term, better second term, great third term - never looked back. Try to arrange social things with her new friends too - cinema visits or inviting them over. It's important that she creates good strong relationships out of school so that she doesn't see her old friends as her only friends out of school. Does that make sense. Good luck!!

RatherBeOnThePiste Thu 06-Jan-11 17:14:43

Our DD now in year 9, spent the first year being friendly with everyone ( hard work!) during year 8 friendship dynamics shifted or consolidated and now in year 9, she has a very strong group of friends. But it does take time. She needs time.

newspap Fri 07-Jan-11 13:04:52

Thank you all for your replies. Ive lurked on here for a while and posted a couple of comments but nothing more. It helped me to get though a couple of days of worry...last night she said to me 'I think I was just tired Mum' !!!!!! If only they knew!! I think she will have her ups and downs again,its just good to know that its par for the course.

bruffin Sat 08-Jan-11 09:38:40

Everyone tells me year9 is when it all settles down, and it was the same for DS. It may seem a long way away but it just rushes by grin

Gogopops Sat 08-Jan-11 17:00:42

DS also in year 7 and finding it hard to settle. I think it's all the new routines - being the youngest in the school where the older kids seem confident and everything is overwhelming, lunchtime routines, moving between classrooms, having to keep bags with him at all times etc.
He has a couple of friends from his primary school and is now eventually starting to make new friends.
I agree with bruffin that year 9 is when things start to settle (confirmed by DD who now loves school).
Also agree that inviting the new friends over for tea or sleepover would be good idea - generally girls like a big group over at the same time.
Good luck. I'm sure things will settle down very soon.

WimpleOfTheBallet Sun 09-Jan-11 19:57:34

I think it may get easier..it is very early days yet. HAve you ascertained there is no bullying going on?

SOmetimes at this age they are reluctant to come out with it...and will use an excuse to exlain their unhappiness.

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