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Was going to defer DD, now having cold feet!

(74 Posts)
MeredithsTequila Sat 07-Jan-17 16:44:06

People keep telling me that she seems ready for school. She's 4 at the end of February, so she could start in August. I'm going to enrol her on Monday which is why it's playing on my mind.

She is quite quiet and compliant, likes 'reading' and has picked up a few sounds. She can count well to ten and recognises numbers to about 13. Can dress herself, ask and go to the toilet independently, shares and plays well.

My nephew will be starting in August (June baby) and he can't do a lot of that.

DH is still in favour of deferring and says that we are thinking about secondary really.

AuditAngel Sat 07-Jan-17 16:50:21

The system in England is a bit different, but DS was 4 on 8 August, he started school in the second week of September.

Socially, he was ready for school, but he wasn't ready for sitting down, reading and writing.

Deferral is a tricky decision

Redyoyo Sat 07-Jan-17 17:41:11

I was goin through this last year my dd is the end of Feb and the school nursery advised we deferred her as she was not ready. I knew she wasn't a fan of nursery so I enrolled her. She is doing fantastic much to the nurseries surprise, she loves school.
Don't let anyone's opinion sway you though, you know her best.

PaulaBBB Sat 07-Jan-17 17:46:32

DS1 is in P1 and is five next week. He was ready for school, could do similar things to your dd and nursery said he was good to go, no worries from their side, but obviously I know him best. He went and has been fine, has really settled in now and is a real teachers pet smile you can always enrol and then decide to defer in a few months. You don't have to make that final decision right now.

ttlshiwwya Sat 07-Jan-17 17:46:36

I deferred my youngest also a February birthday 10 years ago despite nursery etc saying she was ready. I haven't regretted it and neither has she. I have two older spring born kids and I felt socially and physically she was far behind them when they started school. My sister who teaches said that she'd never known anyone to regret deferring but plenty to regret not.

I moved her to a new nursery who were comfortable with deferred kids. She learned to read a little at nursery and lots of other things like how to swim and ride a bike without stabilisers so wasnt bored.

7to25 Sat 07-Jan-17 17:47:04

I had two Feb birthdays and did not defer the first but deferred the second.
The problem is indeed secondary and I would defer. You can't really know but I am glad I deferred the younger one. Mine are both males though.

LemonBreeland Sat 07-Jan-17 17:47:41

I would defer a child that young in Scotland. She may manage school now but in High School she would be immature compared to her friends. There will also be children who are 15 months older than her in some cases.

user1471449483 Sat 07-Jan-17 17:49:21

My son has an early February birthday, and I sent him to school, he just wasn't mature enough, and ended up repeating primary 1, I regret not keeping him at nursery for another year.

RogueStar01 Sat 07-Jan-17 17:58:47

I am not sure I know many who'd not defer if they had a Feb birthday and the chance and could afford the extra year of nursery. Your dd can learn at nursery and be well set up for p1, agree the problem is the age gap by the time you get to secondary

ttlshiwwya Sat 07-Jan-17 18:53:09

My DD got a funded extra year at nursery. Not sure whether this has changed.

MeredithsTequila Sat 07-Jan-17 18:58:15

Yes, it would be a funded extra year.

Another few days and we wouldn't even have had the choice.

Does anyone know if I defer, will she be able to go to the settling in sessions next May/June instead of this year's?

prettybird Sat 07-Jan-17 18:59:00

I don't know anyone who has regretted deferring but plenty who have.

Having said that, the brightest kid in ds' year (now S5) is a non-deferred February birthday. But he seems to have developed a wee niche group of nerdy clever friends (ds included); they're fortunate that they're at a school where kids aren't ostracised/made fun of for being the "clever"/hard-working ones.

What is the secondary school like? Does it have a good reputation for supporting all kids?

But ultimately, you know your child best.

TheBiscuitStrikesBack Sat 07-Jan-17 19:02:10

What does the nursery say?

My DS is 4 at the end of Jan and nursery is adamant that I shouldn't defer as he would be a nightmare to handle this time next year (boredom etc), so I'm going for it. High school is a long way off!

umberellaonesie Sat 07-Jan-17 19:03:51

Defer I wish I had done with my eldest he was a December birthday and has struggled especially now he is older with secondary . Younger 2 Feb birthdays and deferred both and they ate thriving.

Downbutnotoutyet Sat 07-Jan-17 19:06:37

I'm a primary teacher in Scotland and have discussed this issue with many colleagues over the past twenty five years. We all agree that, although we have had the odd exception where the youngest child is the most capable in the class, it is much more common for the youngest to struggle on so many levels, not just academically. I know so many children who have suffered by being the youngest but not one who has struggled with being the oldest. Ultimately it is your decision but I would say defer if possible. Put her to school with every advantage possible.

RVPisnomore Sat 07-Jan-17 19:08:34

My DS is a Feb birthday and we deferred him on advice from the school. They also confirmed that most don't regret deferring but many do that don't defer. Also we were concerned the age our son would be should he go to Uni. He is now in P4 and thriving, totally the right decision for him.

MeredithsTequila Sat 07-Jan-17 19:32:45

Nursery think I'm utterly mad. They haven't said that in quite so many words ( grin ), but they really think she will be ready to go in August, especially as she is interested in sounds and numbers, which they don't teach.

The secondary has a good reputation but who knows what it will be like in 7/8 years' time.

Bumply Sat 07-Jan-17 19:33:39

I have two boys with Feb birthdays.
Ds1 started at 4.5, but the very small school was very unsuitable and he barely learnt anything in the first year. When we moved to Edinburgh the school suggested I restart him in P1 and he never looked back.
I had this in mind when ds2 was 4.5, but he so wanted to be with his big brother and nursery said he should cope fine so I don't defer.
There were stages when being the youngest was difficult- everyone else running faster than him, not old enough to go to a paintball birthday party, but he's academically able and not had any issues from that POV.
The fact that deferral is possible and not everyone takes advantage does mean the age range is even higher than normal, but in primary he was in composite classes chosen by age, so he was in the middle of the age range in the class as a whole.
I don't regret it and to some extent it was done in a cost basis as I'm a single mum and the thought of having to pay nursery fees for another year did play a part.

museumum Sat 07-Jan-17 19:37:00

Lots of things to consider as well as how "ready" she is
1 will she be happy at nursery with the younger kids when all the oldest start school in August?
2 is she physically big or small? That matters for sports etc. My son is tiny so I'd rather he was oldest than youngest.

MeredithsTequila Sat 07-Jan-17 19:47:00

1 will she be happy at nursery with the younger kids when all the oldest start school in August?

In August, she'd probably be fine. By next spring, she very well could be bored stiff.

She's medium sized tbh, neither very tall nor teeny.

RoseDog Sat 07-Jan-17 19:59:21

We kept dd, Feb birthday, back because I am also a Feb birthday and went at 4.5 and hated high school, it was quite a social struggle, my parents were told I was ready for school at 4.5 and took that advice but looking back they regret the decision.

On an academic level we will never know how our decision affected dd as she is so dyslexic that she will never be on the same learning level as her peers.

She will be bored stiff the last term of nursery they all are, my ds is in P7 and he is totally bored stiff, even the teacher is at a bit of a loss what to do with him, he is an April birthday so we had no control of when he started primary.

PaulaBBB Sat 07-Jan-17 20:28:48

Yes, if you defer she would go to the settling in sessions next year smile

dotdotdotmustdash Sat 07-Jan-17 20:40:42

I have 2 January DCs (both now left school). My Ds wasn't allowed a deferred place and had a dreadful P1 so we moved school an area and his new school allowed him to restart in P1 the following year. He later went on to be diagnosed with ASD. He was much more ready at 5.5 than 4.5.

With my Dd I had every intention of deferring but the nursery talked me into it and I wished I had been more resolute. She did brilliantly academically - that was never a problem - but socially it wasn't so easy. She still seemed very young and girly when the other kids were becoming more streetwise and she was physically smaller and lighter. I don't think the older group of girls in the class saw her as an equal for a good number of years and she was mildly bullied. She completed 5th and 6th year smoothly and got excellent Highers and Advanced Highers so academically she was never disadvantaged, but I do believe the early years of school would have been more pleasant for her if I had deferred her as I had planned to.

celtiethree Sat 07-Jan-17 20:42:42

I have a non deferred Feb who is doing absolutely fine at HS though in his year there are quite a few non deferred. The problem that I have is that he doesn't like school but this is more a personality issue and the dullness of the broad and general curriculum for S1 to S3, hopefully once he hits S4 and has chosen his subjects he will like school more. The issue that I'm facing is that if he continues to fight against school he will leave after S5 before he is even 16.5 - many courses won't take him until at least 17 so I'm facing a 1 or 2 year gap before tertiary education kicks in. Even if I could send him there is no way I would at 16.

If it is the norm to defer in your area I would defer.

Groovee Sat 07-Jan-17 20:42:44

My dd is now 16, turns 17 in 2 weeks. She actually told me last year she was grateful for us deferring her as she felt better equipped at 16 to sit her exams than 15 and that an extra year in nursery was better than going to school too soon.

She was quite a brainbox but emotionally and socially she wasn't ready at 4. When she moved to high school she was fine but a number of friends children struggled with the transition from primary to high school.

My niece whinged at how often she was turned away from pubs at 17 as she was at uni and felt she missed out.

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