Talk

Flip

A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.

SAHP

Question

4 replies

Eloise97 · 09/08/2020 19:03

I'm handing in my notice this week and was wondering what it was like going from working to a stay at home mum??

OP posts:

Report

Ginger1982 · 09/08/2020 19:34

I became a SAHM after I had DS now 3. It was great. I was so relieved not to have to go back to my job as I had grown to hate it. I focused really hard during mat leave on making friends which was great until they all went back to work and I didn't. I then made other friends through toddler groups etc and I was lucky in that some of them didn't work too so I didn't feel quite so alienated.

DH's job at that time took him away a lot which was hard being left with sole responsibility for a baby/toddler. I was lucky in that a family member (someone who had advocated strongly for me to be a SAHM) gifted me money so DH didn't need to fund me (us) whilst I was a SAHM but I accept this is not normal. I think I would have felt a bit self conscious buying things for myself with his (although it would have been our) money but again, I accept that that is how it really should be.

I also felt as though I should do all the housework etc because I was at home which meant there was little down time.

By the time DS turned 2.5 I was desperate for something more. The tantrums were kicking in and I felt as though all I did all day every day was try to pacify a small person who didn't understand me or want to understand me. I felt as though I had lost a bit of my own identity. Fortunately I found a decent paid job in my former field that has flexible working. DS is at nursery, DH has a job that means he is at home more and we're very happy with the situation.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't miss those 2.5 years that I had with DS but I couldn't have carried on without putting him into childcare for a break and I do enjoy seeing my salary coming in again!

Report

JoJoSM2 · 10/08/2020 14:26

I’ve been a SAHM for a couple of years. I think a lot depends on yourself as an individual and your circumstances.

I love my life but that’s because we’re well off and DS goes to nursery part-time + we’ve got a cleaner, gardener etc which means I’ve got plenty of time for hobbies, the gym etc. DH works long hours in a stressful job so I do try to support him by having the house organised, dinner ready when he gets in etc.

I don’t think I’d want to be a SAHM if we weren’t well off and I needed to do all the childcare and cleaning etc.

One thing I would say is to make sure you carry on with pension contributions as that’s easy to overlook.

Report

Seracursoren · 11/08/2020 17:48

You need to sort out finances, how will this work with regard to access to money. Will you be treated like a child and have to put your hand out for "housekeeping" or justify having your hair cut?

These are usually the main sticking points, women sometimes end up with nothing, the man goes mad about the cost of essential items such as uniform or shoes or food Hopefully you have the same view on money and what is important. Plus understanding the costs involved for children, ie Dh once almost had a heart attack at the cost of school shoes, forgetting that his 12 year old son was in size 8 adult shoes and has very wide feet meaning they came from Clarks and cost £58. The last time he went shoe shopping with us Ds2 was getting his first school shoes for £22.

I have been a SAHM for 15 years and on MN for 14. Money is the biggest issue. So if you haven't already, have that conversation now.

The other one is housework. How old is your child/children? You need a conversation about expectations. I was happy to do the whole dinner on the table bit because Dh was a hands on Dad from the second he walked through the door, would happily take over cooking and took responsibility for all meals on the weekend (he loves cooking).

We alternated lie ins on the weekend. Understood the importance of one on one time with the child, ie I went out, Dh happily had both children, I went away for weekends with friends etc.

But I can tell you, it is the best decision we ever made (it wasn't planned, we moved due to his job and then it just made sense for me not to return to work, Ds1 is now 17) it allowed Dh to further his career, us to never have to worry about school runs, child care or a sick child. It has been incredibly hard at times, but rewarding. I don't have family near by so I did put Ds1 in nursery for 1 day a week, he was used to doing 3. That gave me a break and Ds interaction with other children, plus other adults.