Lost myself since having my baby (Long)

[PurpleThistles84]

I have five children, my first four are aged between 10 and 14. I also have an eight month old son who is just the most contented, lovely little man that we all dote on.

Since having him however, I have gradually fallen into a bit of a slump. We moved to the country not long after he was born and it’s proper winter out here with lots of snow and long dark nights. As a result, I’ve become a real hermit, most days I am just in pyjamas as there doesn’t seem to be any point getting dressed. I spend my days around the babies routine and watching tv shows. I do little bits and pieces of housework but just enough to keep on top of it.

Honestly my whole life has become all about my baby and I just am not interested in anything else. I am on antidepressants as I am prone to anxiety and depression and lately I have started thinking that if I didn’t have my baby, I probably wouldn’t even bother getting out of bed.

Now I know this might mean I could be experiencing a form of PND, but I love my baby to absolute pieces and am so happy with him, it’s the rest of my life that makes me miserable.

There is very much an element of ‘what’s the point’ going on. What’s the point in getting dressed if I am just at home all day long? I don’t really have an appetite, I eat because my stomach starts hurting but I don’t actually feel hungry, so most days I just have one meal. I have absolutely zero sex drive though I love my husband and do find him attractive, I just don’t want to have sex.

Deep down I know none of this is okay and I’m frightened. I’m hoping this will pass as my baby gets older and more independent. I had a traumatic birth with him, I was expecting a walk in the park like my other four but it was a back to back labour with no pain relief and he had the cord wrapped around his neck twice and so tight it bruised his neck. I couldn’t push him out so the registrar had to use ventouse and his shoulders got stuck, then she had to cut the cord from around his neck before his body was born so there was lots of panic and shouting at me to push harder etc. He didn’t cry for about five minutes and I was completely terrified.

I think this is why 8 months on, I have just stopped doing anything else other than care for him and be near him at all times.

It’s not healthy and I don’t know what to do. Can anyone relate and help me?

[Seeline]

Can you speak to your HV or get a GP appointment. It does sound as though maybe you could have PND and need some proper help.

You are obviously not happy with your current situation. Do you have access to a car or public transport? Is there a nearby village or town where you might be able to get together with other mums. At 8 months your LO is probably getting to the age where they might get something out of singing/story session at the library, or a toddler group. Or do your really think that you couldn't manage that?

[PurpleThistles84]

I love where we have moved to, it’s near my mum and also very close to where I grew up. The winter however has meant there hasn’t been a lot of opportunity to enjoy the countryside, so I’m hoping with the season changing and better weather, getting out more will pick me up.

In terms of socialising, I am very much a loner and find socialising very difficult. I prefer to keep myself to myself. I have been unwell for a couple of weeks with a virus but it’s starting to get better so I am planning attending church in Sunday’s which will help a little.

I did brave the toddler group two weeks ago, my baby enjoyed himself but both of us became unwell 2 days later, as I suppose was bound to happen going into a group setting.

I spoke to my husband after making this post and he was really great. He knows me really well and thinks a lot of this is down to the horrible virus I’ve had affecting my mood, and the winter. He has seen me at my worst with severe depressive episodes and doesn’t think I’m headed down that path, just need some tic until I am properly on the mend. I feel much better having spoken to him and having had a wee cry.

I’ve been feeling a bit anxious about this Coronavirus too, not for myself and the older kids but for the baby because he is so little. That makes me want to stay indoors more too.

Thanks for your reply.

[managedmis]

You can still get outside with a baby in snowy weather. Bundle him up, in pram, long walks. Done. You'll feel far better

[PurpleThistles84]

Unfortunately the roads are not cleared here and when it snows, it really snows. I can’t get the buggy through it but there are days when it clears and I can. I can’t use a sling of any sort either as the labour left me with a very weak back. When it’s clear enough I take the baby out as I want him to get fresh air and whatever light there is.

[EveryoneLoves09876]

Hope you're doing better op