To go vack or become sahp

[Flowerpot26]

Hi, I posted this in aibu but think it's better here.
My baby is 8 months, and I need to start thinking about returning to work, shift based /uniformed job, i do enjoy parts of it, money is good for my grade, and lots of opportunities within this sector in theory, however husband has his own business, which means he's always on call of some sorts, in a perfect world he would love to have ds for 2/3 days a week but it just can't be granteed really, we have no family help regarding child care, and my mum is also seriously unwell and I have all the stress and upset that comes with that. We could manage I suppose money wise , although I have always worked for my own money, and don't like the idea of being completely reliant, and also my job! Don't particularly want to lose it, it would be a pain to try and get back into later on although not impossible, I could do a few hours here and there for my husbands business, (but that's his!) I did like having my own thing, but realistically do it matter? I am completely besotted with our little one and would love to have another, and I have loved my maternity leave, I don't have many friends that not gone back to work but there family set up is different and have parents that can help out, were abit remote and nursery would be a pain logisticaly and not practical as I would be doing shifts, could try and find a childminder, but not really that Keen on that , just worried I'll regret not going back, but also regret not being at home when really I don't have to go back, sorry if this sounds abit first world problem, I fully understand ppl have no choice and need/want to return to work, just trying to think what's best for us .

[pipnchops]

Hi its completely your choice of course but I'd say it sounds like you're leaning towards not going back to work. I made the decision not to go back to work after my first DD was born and I soon fell pregnant with my second DD. Exactly the same situation to you really, no help available from relatives and when I weighed up going back to work with the faff of nursery drop offs and the expense it just didn't make sense. Four years later do I regret not going back? No! I have loved, for the most part, being a sahm but I'm going to be honest there have been times when I have craved going to work and having financial idependence but it just didn't make sense and I'm happy with my decision. It's only a few short years while they're young and then I'll go back to work and be stuck doing that for many more years until I retire! I won't ever regret this time spent spent with my daughters watching them grow and develop. And I am sure I won't regret the fact that I didn't work for a few years while they were young. There's a saying, something like "you never hear anyone on their death bed saying they wish they'd worked more" .

[Stuckforthefourthtime]

"you never hear anyone on their death bed saying they wish they'd worked more"
True, but you also hear lots of SAHMs on here struggling for cash after changes to circumstances and having trouble getting back to work.
I've done both and would 100% choose being a SAHM if we won the lottery - however going back to work saved us, as my DH developed an unexpected health problem that meant he was off work for some time and initially had to return part time. Without my salary we would have been in serious trouble.
If you're planning a second anyway, the big benefit is it stops there being a long gap on your CV (you don't need to mention even that you were on mat leave) and also gives you another round of maternity pay and protection. I'd always recommend that unless someone has a lot of financial backing, it's worth going back even on a very part time basis, then after your second making a firmer decision.

[user1474894224]

I'm a SAHM but I wasn't conflicted at all. Since being at home I have found ways to earn extra money - as I also like having my own cash. Could you ask to go back Part Time - that might be the compromise that works for you - then you could see if you prefer to be home or are ok with working. You are not the only shift worker needing child care - ask on a local FB page about the options available. You are quite lucky in that OH will be there overnight - if your shifts are overnight as well. So you only need to sort the days. - If you don't like this arrangement then you can leave the job.

[Bluntness100]

I don't understand, why can't you have a child minder for the day shifts when required, ie you're not on day shift, and your husband manage his hours so he is home for the night evening ones?

[StealthPolarBear]

I've never understood why you death bed thoughts trump your actual happiness now

[RomanyRoots]

I gave up my career as it came nowhere near the joy of raising my dc, but it has to be right for you.
I have no regrets and am currently looking for work for my retirement
No shortage of interviews or offers, you just have to be realistic if you take time out and be willing to work for a lower wage.
If your children are grown up, left or leaving home you don't need a huge income.

[bourbonbiccy]

I am a SAHM and would not change it for the world. I love being with my son and seeing and helping him develop every day. I genuinely would hate it if I had to put him in nursery for someone else to have all that time with him. They are young for such a short period. I understand some people don't have a choice and need to go back to work, I don't understand people who choose to but it's each to their own.

I have always worked (since I was 15) and never relied on anyone else...it doesn't matter squat to me now if I was to be fully "reliant" on my husband, we are a team, we don't have power struggles, I don't feel any less of a contributor/person/partner now I don't bring in an income and he most definitely doesn't.

It is a decision only you and your husband can make, if you can get by reasonably comfortably not working and getting to spend that time with your baby, I most definitely would but only you know how you feel.