Husbands..

[TeamSpirit]

Can i ask what your husbands do, when they come from work?

[dementedpixie]

He makes our dinner although sometimes I have prepped stuff or put things in the oven to slow cook. He doesn't get in until later on especially on nights he plays football or coaches rugby

[Cherries101]

My husband works full time but is home based. He does everything during the week in terms of household chores / cookings / bins etc. During the weekend I’ll cook / do various odd jobs (clearing out cupboards etc) and he’ll do the regular chores.

[TeamSpirit]

Wau.. do you have small children? I work 6 hours home, due to mental ilness and i have 2 kids in school from 8 til 2. When husband is home at 4, he either go out to work - garden etc - or sit with coffee waiting for dinner.. that is only recently, though, as it is getting darker outside, so hard to see. But he seem to think inside jobs are mine, unless i ask him, and then he "help" me!
He work hard outside, really hard. But now it is dark outside, he does nothing unless asked!

[TeamSpirit]

6 hours a week, that is.

[Cherries101]

I find your post difficult to follow. Are you saying as it gets dark your DH has no work and so is spending the whole day at home?

[TeamSpirit]

Haha - no it us getting dark outside now, at 4 when he come home from work, and he cant see what he is doing, going outside to fix barn, garden etc. So while my day continue as usual, children, dinner etc he just sit.. and it just occured to me last night, he think everything with cooking, cleaning etc he think is my job. I think we shared jobs - because he went on to working outside, when he come home from work, then i obviously got on with beforementioned cooking etc. Will see what he does today..

[Cherries101]

Him sitting around doing nothing is unacceptable. He needs to find things to do, even if it’s just taking the kids out so you get a break.

[dementedpixie]

Does he do anything at all to help when he comes home? Do anything with the kids?

[TeamSpirit]

I think - not sure - he believes i have had plenty of breaks during 8 til 2 when kids are in school. I work 1 hour and sort out the house. And that is true. I have a lot of free time during day. He work as a teacher. Work also durong breaks. Leave at 7. Home by 4. And i think he thinks that he also want break. I just think it would be fair we both finished chores, and had break when kids sleep. Now he get break at 4 and me around 8. When he can work outside, he never stop. So he is not lazy. He just think it is my job. I think

[TeamSpirit]

Kids are 9 and 14.

[WitchesWeb]

I have a lot of free time during day.

So its ok for you to have free time but not him?

I also don't know many teachers none at all that finish at 4 with no paperwork etc.

[Cherries101]

Ah ok so you have older kids. In that case I think yes what he’s suggesting is fair. Your kids are at school at 2pm and as he is doing work but just wants a break to decompress after work at 4pm that’s fine. Could you reschedule your work to arrange a break together at 4? That way you could spend some time together and relax

[TeamSpirit]

It is just cooking dinner - i usually do prep before kids come home, setting table, cleaning after and making 10 year old ready for bed. I dont mind doing it - but it annoys me he just sit there and i feel like a servant. We initially agreed on me doing this, because he went to work outside when he came home, now he dont.
My problem is not that he is lazy - he is not - he just dont want to do wife work, i think
(My words, my feelings)

[dementedpixie]

Does he not do anything at all? He doesnt work late so plenty of time to pitch in and help. Doing tasks together means jobs are finished faster and then you'd both have down time together

[Bloomburger]

Opens the paper whist I make him a cup of tea, he then does crossword whilst catching up with kids then baths and puts to bed the youngest DC.

He's up and out before they're up in the morning so they are his first priority when he gets home.

[WitchesWeb]

Doing tasks together means jobs are finished faster and then you'd both have down time together

However @dementedpixie OP gets a lot of downtime on her own during the day. The DC are at school and aren't young.

When does he get his equivalent of time that OP gets?

How much getting ready for bed does a 10 year old take?

[GooodMythicalMorning]

On the fence, yes he does need time to himself, but does also need to help a bit too.

[dementedpixie]

He could help clearing up after dinner. OP can't do that during the day.

[Nothisispatrick]

DP spends time with DD when he finishes work and I make dinner.

Your post makes it sound like he sits there smugly while your running around like a headless chicken, but really there can’t be much left to do after you’ve been home all day. Just dinner and dinner clear up, plus kids to bed? He does deserve a bit of a break surely.

[bourbonbiccy]

So you have free time through the day while he works, but then he should carry on working straight through to bed time.
I think maybe him sitting and chilling for an hour or so is not unreasonable as you do this through the day.

[JustHereForThePooStories]

It sounds like you both have an awful lot of downtime.

[TeamSpirit]

Yes we do have a lot of free time. As it is now, he will do dinner monday and thursday. Im happy with that.