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Anyone have a 5 year age gap?

12 replies

LetsPlayBamboozled · 18/07/2018 10:35

Before I had dd I expected I'd have two kids. However, I really struggled and have been adamant dd would be my only child. As it turns out I had an undiagnosed health problem (the main symptom being fatigue) which means I probably had a far worse time than I should have and now that I am better I would arguably find a baby easier this time round... Aside from the obvious that I'd have dd to deal with as well!

The last few months when dd has been having her free 15 hours I feel like a different person. I am a much better Mum for having a break from her. DP is still keen to have a second. I just don't know. But as dd will be at school from September 2019 any baby would likely arrive, all being well, around the same time.

Am I kidding myself to think it might be easier to have one in school when another comes along? I am 40 in a few months so it's very much now or never. I can't pretend to enjoy the baby stage but dd is at such a lovely age now maybe it's worth it...? Would love to hear your experience!

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MrsJayy · 18/07/2018 10:41

I have almost 5 years between mine I have health problems there is no way I could do baby /toddler. If you would like another just go ahead and try. It worked well for us my Dds are women now

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hpsauce84 · 18/07/2018 11:05

I have a 4.5 year age gap. My eldest started school in the September and youngest was born in the October. I love our age gap! Getting out to do the school run was hard initially but then I had the whole day just with baby. My eldest is 6 now and youngest will be 2 in October and they have a lovely bond and (mostly) play well together for the moment! If we have a third we want a similar gap again too.

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JulianOfNorwich · 18/07/2018 11:06

5 years 3 months between my two. The gap was because I swore I'd never have a second child for quite a few years, due to PND.
It was ideal for me having one at school and a baby- though you need to be able to get your baby out of the house punctually for school drop offs and pick ups - and be able to manage the baby's naps around your other child's schedule.
They never squabbled much- too far apart in age to see themselves as rivals- but have lots of common interests. Has worked well for me.

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PivotPivotPIVOTTT · 18/07/2018 11:07

I have a 5.5 year age gap. I was on my own from day 1 when I had my baby with no help after splitting with their father. The hardest part for me was having to get the 5 year old to school when I'd been up during the night with the baby. I couldn't really nap during the day because my day was spent feeding, doing housework, sorting out bottles etc and before I knew it it was time for school pick up.

So personally for me the first 2/3 months were the hardest of my life. However if I had a partner it would have been a whole lot easier and I would have enjoyed it a lot more as I wouldn't have been worrying so much about the house being clean and keeping on top of laundry!

I quite like the age gap it helped that my daughter was able to dress herself etc in the mornings and didn't rely on me to do everything for her. If she'd been a toddler then I'd never have coped! She's 6 now and she adores her sister and enjoys helping out with her (sometimes!!).

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Roomba · 18/07/2018 11:14

I have 6 years between mine. If definitely made it a lot easier that DS1 was in school during the day! However, there was a downside which was that I had to be up and have everyone ready for the school run each day, no matter how many times DS2 had woken me during the night. Still far preferable to having a baby and a toddler both at home all the time though. Plus DS1 was old enough to be helpful sometimes, too.

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thethoughtfox · 18/07/2018 11:18

There are almost exactly 5 years in between my siblings and myself. It worked out 'easier' for mum as the youngest was moving to school when the next one was born. However, the age gap was too big between each of us to be friends growing up. Talking about this with mum recently she said that as she always had a baby to look after, it was too difficult to take us swimming or let us have after school / weekend hobbies.

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GrasswillbeGreener · 18/07/2018 11:21

My sister has 5 years between her first two (and then 20 months to the third ). It seems to have worked though was funny how the 2nd tried to keep up with the eldest for a long time - not an issue nowadays, they are 9 and 14. One thing she got to do, the eldest was in year 1 when she was still on maternity leave, and they got permission to flexi-school, basically one day a week at home. They used that day for museum trips, zoo outings and so on, which worked brilliantly. Unfortunately the school's head changed or she would have continued that pattern another year when the youngest came along. I do notice nowadays that a lot of their extra-curricular activities lead to them being in all different places in the holidays. But that can happen even with kids a lot closer in age!

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WinkysTeatowel · 18/07/2018 11:28

DDstarts school in September and I'm due no.2 in October. Everyone seems to think it will be a lovely gap and I'm looking forward to it. I usually work FT so it means I can do the school run for the first year and will be able to do baby things in the day but still have time to spend with DD1 afterwards. Hoping for the best of both worlds!

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LetsPlayBamboozled · 20/07/2018 11:30

Thank you so much for all your replies.

Love the name PivotPivotPIVOTTT!! Really made me smile. But sorry to hear you had your work cut out being on your own, hats off to you.

As mentioned the having to be somewhere (School) after a bad night sounds hard. However, school is (hopefully, if we get a place!) just round the corner so a mad dash is possible. I hadn't thought about after school things thanks for adding that fox

I don't know. I have visions they grow up, they move on, they don't need you so much. But I don't see my Mum as much as I would like because she is always travelling over to help my brother (neither of us live near her.) He has mental health problems and is struggling. I don't think Mum is having the experience of being a grandma she expected to..

Lots to think about anyway! After I posted this I thought no, I can't imagine a cot at the side of my bed but then I managed to get a gp appointment fora prescription of higher dose of folic acid so I've got that ready if I decide to do something about it!

Thanks again

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PivotPivotPIVOTTT · 20/07/2018 16:31

Haha I actually meant to say the exact same thing to you about your name in my last post and forgotGrin.

Thank you it was hard and still can be but it's all just second nature to me now. Good luck whatever you decide.

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SleepingBooty · 20/07/2018 16:44

My 2nd was born 3 days before my eldest started reception, it was perfect timing. I was no way ready to balance a baby and a toddler.

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LetsPlayBamboozled · 20/07/2018 18:44

It seems like a lot of people feel like me and really didn't want the smaller gap!

Am now pondering logistics; is the age gap too big for room sharing?? I imagine if you are 10 the last thing you want is a 5 year old in your room when you have friends over to play..

We currently rent a 3 bed house but the 3rd bedroom is the access to the only bathroom so bit of a weird set up (and a big factor in a house we can afford on one salary!)

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