I hate being a mother

[Ineedtoescape]

That pretty much sums it up. I hate being a mother. I have 4. What the fuck was I thinking? I didn’t have a chance really. I was raised in a family/area that values having children early on. I didn’t want my life’s to go this way. I wanted children, but I wanted to go to college, get a job, then get married and have kids.

Instead, I got married right out of high school. I was 18. I got pregnant a few months later. I’ve literally never been an adult without a child.

I’ve been married twice. My first marriage was abusive. Now I’m married to a man who has high-functioning autism. 2 of our children are autistic, and our youngest I believe has severe ADHD, and professionals agree, but we can’t get anyone to refer him to a paediatrician.

Every day is a nightmare. It’s like I’m living in azoo. My kids scream, fight, yell, physically abuse each other and me, they don’t listen at all. It’s nonstop tantrums and destruction. We rent, so we can’t expect to get our deposit back.

My two younger sons use the toilet and never wipe, flush, or wash. I scrubbed the downstairs toilet yesterday, only to come back an hour later to find my youngest had already smeared shit all over the toilet seat and hands flushed. My husband won’t ever clean something like that up.

I’m so tired of cleaning up after them all. I’m tired of feeling like I am just here to be their maid, short order cook, taxi driver, etc.

I don’t even feel like a human anymore. I don’t think they even see me as a person.

I have my own health issues. An undiagnosed mental disorder that is a whole hell of a lot like BPD, but my asshole psychiatrist says ‘it’s complicated’ so he refuses to diagnose me, or see me, or put me on any other meds than what I’m on now which isn’t fucking working. I also have back problems, fibromyalgia, and I have hypothyroidism. I’m about to be diagnosed with type 2 diabetes.

Oh and social services got involved. They lied and said they were there to help my daughter, instead it was the school calling social services willy billy for almost a year without telling me. The professionals involved all said they just wanted a ‘robust’ child in need plan, then those fuckers all sat there and agreed to put my kids on a child protection plan.

But literally NOTHING has changed. It’s not helped in the slightest, other than to have a social worker up my ass anytime anyone says boo about me.

They say I can’t enforce boundaries on my kids. They seem to feel it’s just that I’ve never tried to get my kids to listen or to enforce any rules on them. But I have. I’ve tried from the beginning with all of them. But it’s not exactly easy with 3 children with special needs!! My oldest moved out because he couldn’t handle his siblings. I was told by social services they recognise that even trained professionals couldn’t handle my kids! So how do they expect me to do it on my own?

And I’ve done everything they’ve asked and more, meanwhile they’ve literally done ZERO to help us. They won’t even help get my daughter into a specialist school, meanwhile she’s getting kids threatening to kill her on transition days.

I’m just so exhausted. I’m sick of being in pain, and the anxiety, and I have no support system. I’m 4,000 miles away from my family. My husbands family promised to help and now that we’ve moved back here, they have no interest in helping.

My husband works nonstop and even then we can’t afford living here.

I have suicidal thoughts regularly. If something doesn’t change, and soon, I will have to walk away from my marriage and my kids, to save my own life. Literally. I will be looking at an early death if I keep having to deal with the stress of raising these kids.

I think sometimes what life could have been like. I love my kids so much. But if I had known this was the life I was in for, I’d never have become a mother.

[InDubiousBattle]

Are you in the UK?

[InDubiousBattle]

How old are your Dc?

[IlikemyTeahot]

Are you in UK?
Can you contact disabled childrens social services?
Do any of kids have a family support worker at school...maybe they can signpost you towards respite schemes

[Ineedtoescape]

Yes, I’m in the UK, I’m originally from the US, my husband is British.

It was the disabled children’s team who sent out the social worker. She led me to believe that’s why she was there, and then lied about all kinds of things. She met us 3 times. Within a week of the first meeting we were on the child protection plan, even though the chairperson said there was nothing that wasn’t going to be done anyway because my children have special needs, other than my mental health which she admitted won’t change because I’m being stonewalled by the psychiatrist.

They keep mentioning respite care, but it’s been weeks and nothing’sbeen Put into place. Summer hols start in 2 weeks. I don’t know how I’m going to survive. Right now my husband is suggesting I take our daughter to the in-laws caravan for 2 weeks, but my boys have never been without me that long. And there’s no internet so my dad would just whine the entire time.

My kids are 17, 11, 6, and 4. I keep being told we have to wait until youngest is in school to investigate. I call bullshit. And it looks as though he will be like his older brother, who is great in school then turns into a totally different child as soon as he’s out the school gates.

I can’t get anyone to take me seriously. They just want to say my mental health issues are why my kids act the way they do. Except they act like this whether I’m feeling good or not. I’m begging for help, and they just keep making empty promises.

[Ineedtoescape]

Also family support worker was taken off our case. They decided we were fine. Then she transferred to the centre closest to her home, which is out of our area. We still haven’t gotten a new one, even though that was put in the plan.

The original social worker was also replaced. She was moved out of the department (I wonder why!).

I just get the feeling this is my life, forever. Never getting a break, no actual support, and no one ever believing me that my kids need help, my husband being like a kid himself at times, no time to ever do anything I enjoy, just a slave to these 4 people. I doubt my dd will ever even move out of our house. Probably none of the younger 3 tbh.

[InDubiousBattle]

So is your youngest startingstarting school this September? They can and do assess dc at pre school age, the school can apply for funding to support them. Have you seen the gp? Have your dc had full team assessments to try and diagnose any SEN? Have you been back to the gp after you saw your psychiatrist .