How do I stop feeling guilty about being a SAHP?

[SpunBodgeSquarepants]

I know it won't be forever, and that I should 'cherish' the time I get with my DS (4.2, at preschool 2.5 days a week). I'm planning on returning to work when he starts primary in September. But right now, I feel gnawing guilt that I'm contributing nothing.

My sole job, my sole existence at the moment is to keep him happy, clothed, washed and fed. I'm a single parent now to boot, so while I'm not working I am 'sponging' the state, my only income being from benefits. I hate it, I hate when people ask me what I do, I feel so so guilty that I do nothing, and that I should have an excuse as to why I don't work. I don't have one, except that it's just not cost effective to return to work until he's in full-time education.

I really hate my life right now.

[cestlavielife]

It s not long to September.
So chill .....

[Nomad86]

Look at it this way, you have 2.5 days a week to get all the boring housework and food shopping done. The rest of the week you can enjoy being with your DS. That benefits you both, when he's at home he gets more time with you. You'll miss it when you're having to juggle it all with a job.

[Horsedogbird]

Do not feel guilty. You are contributing to society. You are bringing up and being there for your son and like you say it's not cost effective right now for you to get a paid job but you do have an important role in society.

[Dancingmonkey87]

I’ve been a single parent, if you do managed to find employment before September you can get help towards childcare costs 30hours free have recently been filted out in some areas and you may qualfly for childcare from working tax credits for non term time dates.

[MorganPrince]

I have been a stay at home mum for 14 years, I finished work when I was pregnant with my first child. I haven't been back.

You ARE contributing by raising your child, by keeping your house in "working order", by BEING THERE!

I spent years feeling like I didn't contribute anything to anyone. My husband works and I don't have to - I could never make a dent in what he earns so I thought "what's the point". It left me feeling worth nothing, like I was just living off what my husband did.

But then I learned that by raising my boys and teaching them everything I knew, because yes - I do know stuff - then I am contributing to society by creating these amazing people who will contribute in their own way. If I wasn't here the house would go to pot, the cleaning wouldn't get done, etc.

BE THERE FOR YOUR CHILD. Ignore anyone that says you have a life of luxury. Be YOU and be proud to be YOU. Do not see being on benefits as 'sponging' if you need it - it's keeping you going.

Try to enjoy the time, even the time when your child is at school. It's difficult, but it does get easier. Promise.

Hope this has helped a little. xx

[lozzalou93]

I will become a SAHM when my little one arrives, I have worked since I was 13, first real job at 15 and am very career driven. I am trained in 2 public service roles and have another job that involved lots of exams. I am not yet in your position but already feel incredibly guilty and I know mine will only be for 6 months as I have FT work lined up for once baby is 6+months.

I actually disagree with some of the posters and I don’t mean to upset or offend as I feel the same way already. Raising good humans who may one day contribute is not a contribution. It’s often a justification for raising children using tax payers money. I think you just have to remind yourself that if you’ve worked before (you’ve earned your right) and if you eventually go back to work then you’ll put in the pot again.
When children reach secondary school age, there is no excuse not to look for work (health permitting) unless you are financially comfortable I.e partner can provide, not the state.
I think the way benefits is set up is wrong. My friend who is an amazing SAHM desperately wants to work, not for anyone else’s opinion but for herself but she will actually lose money and be worse off financially if she does. Where is the incentive for anyone to get back to work?

I hope you feel better about the situation soon as I am not yet in your shoes but already know how I feel about it :-( maybe my problem is my own mindset but like a lot of things, i think it’s comes down to how I was raised.
I.e my family was entitled to free school meals for me due to low income but did not apply as to not rely on the state. I appreciate its extreme but that’s where my mindset is coming from :-(

[Annwithnoe]

i think you are looking at this all wrong. It’s not about you.
Your DS is entitled to quality time with his mum during his precious, vulnerable formative years, and you are lucky to live in a state that recognizes this and pays for it. Surely this is a much better use of tax payers contributions than, say, that war we fought in Iraq?
What job are you going to get in September? No amount of shuffling papers, tapping on keyboards, etc will ever be as worthwhile as the loving nurture that you’re doing now. Maybe you will be working with vulnerable, elderly, disabled or disadvantaged people doing amazing life- empowering things? In which case it will likely be badly paid with minimal tax contributions. I think we have our values backwards. You might be at your most awesome right now OP!

[bandthenjust]

Raising your child to be a good, human being, rather than being dragged up to be an asshat, is a job. Stop beating yourself up!
Is your kid happy and healthy?
Are you spending your Benefits that you're 'sponging' off the state on fags/drugs/beer?
No shame in staying home with your kid. None whatsoever. And even if y ou feel this way now, I absolutely promise you that further down the road, yoi will NEVER regret spending time with your kid.