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Do you love being a SAHM? Not returning to work after maternity?

(21 Posts)
Bella8 Sat 11-Nov-17 11:44:34

Hi, I am just looking to hear how other people have found maternity leave and if anybody like myself has changed their mind and decided not to return to work afterwards? I'm currently on 12 months maternity leave; I've worked full time for ten years and worked through my studies prior to this. I've always worked so being at home for so long (DS is now 8 months old) has been a major shock to the system! I'm thinking about not returning to work after maternity. Me and DH are thinking I will be a SAHM while we grow our family and I will get a part time term time job once they are in nursery/school. We have arrived to this decision because we have no child care, no family support. I also do not want to leave DS with strangers until he can understand what is going on and can talk back. The cost of child care would leave little profit from my wage after travel etc. The time to get to and from my place of work would also make things impossible. I realise some people don't get the choice and I'm lucky I do. Things are financially tight but we can manage on DH wage with some cuts.

Sometimes not having much adult interaction all day can be difficult, however I actually get more sense out of my 8 month old than I did out of some adults at work. They didn't talk to you like adults and spoke to you like children a lot of the time. The negative attitudes within my work place and the way they treated me throughout my pregnancy has made my decision to leave a lot easier. I can understand being happier to go back to work if you have a better workplace to go back to. I can't guarantee I won't apply for a part time job (hopefully in a lot nicer of a workplace than my current role) at some point sooner than mine and DH's plan. For now though I'm very happy with my decision. Any negatives of being a SAHM are very quickly forgotten about when I cast my mind back to how belittled I felt at work and how undervalued I was. Every time my beautiful DS smiles at me I feel on top of the world and can see how much value I have to him.

Bella8 Sun 12-Nov-17 13:14:21

Any thoughts?

InDubiousBattle Sun 12-Nov-17 21:03:54

Do I love being a SAHM? Yes. Very much so. My dc are almost 4 and 2.4 years and I've not worked since ds (my eldest)was born. The issue of adult interaction is a bit of a non issue for me as I used to work for myself from home so between toddler groups etc I probably have more now I'm a SAHM. It's been a great decision for us I think.

Autumndays14 Mon 13-Nov-17 12:39:35

I am going to be a SAHM, not through choice as I am am about to go on mat leave and am being made redundant. I will try and get another job but can only work part time as DH works crazy hours and so can’t do drop offs, pick ups etc and so I do all household admin etc (I am happy to do this - don’t want to be at work full time and responsible for the mortgage!).

I am dreading it though as imagine I will get quite fed up. Would love to hear from people who enjoy the SAHM experience so I don’t feel so bad about what is happening!

InDubiousBattle Mon 13-Nov-17 16:51:40

Is there something specific you're dreading Autumn? I can give you loads of positives about it unless the one thing you're specifically dreading is 'losing my absolute dream job that I love and works perfectly for us as a family'! Can't help if that's the case I'm afraid.

AnxietyStrikes Mon 13-Nov-17 16:57:31

I would absolutely love to be a SAHM due to the people and conditions at my job.

We are in a similar situation regards childcare and the travel to my work not making it very viable at all. Unfortunately my partners wage won't support us really. It could cover all bikes bit not food and everything else.

It's such a shame because returning to a place I felt miserable for years for very little profit doesn't seem worth it. Plus putting dd in a nursery.

Dh doesn't earn enough to support us but too much to be considered for any help. So I guess I will be returning to work for nothing but paying to put dd in nuserey.

Moose23ishungry Mon 13-Nov-17 17:03:05

What sort of term time, part time job will you do? Are there many of these jobs around?

Landed Mon 13-Nov-17 17:07:25

Yes I do but more importantly, to me, my DC appreciate it and my other half values my being at home so he doesn't have to worry either. We have no one we could leave the children with not day to day nor in an emergency.

mamamalt Mon 13-Nov-17 17:08:07

I’m a SAHM now due to similar circumstances that you have described. My wages wouldn’t have reached London childcare and luckily my DP can support us on his income. I do enjoy it and have loved being at home with my DS and being there for lots of his firsts. There are lots of upsides but I wouldn’t down play the lack of social interaction and loneliness.
It is really really freakin hard! Sometimes it has done me in being exhausted and sleep deprived and solely responsible for the shopping, cleaning, cooking and entire up keep of the household. I’ve found it hard to make mum friends, have no friends with babies or who don’t work and so have spent lots of time on my own! London is difficult as people move around or have a language barrier but a year later I am getting there! Just in time for us to move. We are moving closer to my DPs parents (in Ireland!) and I am looking forward to a network around me.
Good luck OP. I hope you have some people to lean on xxx

onlyonaTuesday Mon 13-Nov-17 17:16:35

I’m the opposite and hated being a stay at home mum.
The days went on forever and I longed for adult stimulation.
I also hated the fact that all I had to talk about when Dp got home was the children or the Home.
I got a part time job.
Everyone was much happier

RandomUsernameHere Mon 13-Nov-17 17:25:36

I absolutely love it, you are lucky to have the option so go for it! You can always return to work at any point, be that sooner or later, but your DS will only be little once and you can never get that time back.
My main piece of advice would be to arrange to go to a class/group/play date every day during the week. It will mean that your DS does not miss out on socialising and you get to have some adult company each day. It also gives both of you a good routine. It doesn't have to be expensive, there are lots of groups near where we live that charge £1. I would also recommend getting an annual pass to a nearby petting farm or zoo, if that is an option. Good luck, whatever your decision!

Autumndays14 Mon 13-Nov-17 18:14:12

My main worry is not being able to be ‘me’ and another just a mum. I like having time away from home to use my brain and interact with people and I also like earning my own money. DH is very generous and stuff so I’m not worried that I won’t be able to buy stuff for myself anymore but would just rather pay for that stuff myself with my own little pot of money!

Autumndays14 Mon 13-Nov-17 18:16:06

I’m also a bit worried as lots of theSAHM near me spend a lot of time talking about renovating houses and diets and stuff and I don’t want to become someone who is obsessed with getting new curtains as I don’t have enough to occupy my brain!

InDubiousBattle Mon 13-Nov-17 21:24:16

Hopefully something will come up after your mat leave then!

DontBuyANewMumCashmere Wed 03-Jan-18 15:34:57

I'm a SAHM. I have a 3yo who starts nursery next week thank fuck

Overall I've absolutely loved being off with her. DH earns enough that it was a choice for me as to whether I wanted to stay off or not.
DH and I both benefited (we feel; different opinions and family set ups all fine!) from having SAHMs and wanted to give it a go.

Luckily my employer gave me a 5 year career break so I do accept I have a massive safety blanket of a job if I wanted to return.

I also luckily made an excellent friend through NCT and we've kept each other sane for these 3 years. I met other women at groups but none I have bonded with like this friend.

My tips would be to fill up your week with activities and classes. The first year I had something on every single day, often a morning and an afternoon event. (I considered a Tuesday pm weigh in as an event, mind...!)
Several things were 'paid for' classes like baby massage, yoga, baby sensory, sing and sign etc, many were groups like a church playgroup for 1.50 or the free library Rhyme Time things.
As she grew older I tried to keep a small routine, we've always had at least one class/event and this has most recently been a forest school type activity.
I echo a PP in having an annual pass for a local attraction. Something with animals is always a winner. They always have café for you and something for the kids.

As they get older I'd say make plenty of plans, hoard rainy day activities like you want to insulate your house out of toilet roll tubes (still don't know what to make with 20 egg boxes and a carrier bag full of loo rolls...) sticker things from the Works, anything you can whip out when you inevitably want to chuck the little darlings out the window...

Also don't be afraid to chuck them in front of the TV just to drink that cuppa. I have totally TV shamed myself a few times but you know what - being a SAHP is pretty bloody hard and it wont kill them to watch Peppa Pig for a bit.

I'm glad I was able to do it and I luckily had an angel for the first 3 years. If she'd had been more spirited I may well have returned to work but that's up to all parents and what their work/child/finances are like.

Good luck to anyone considering it.

EchidnasPhone Wed 03-Jan-18 15:54:27

I have been for almost 10 years, now with 2 at school & one at home. For me the most important thing is a supportive OH. Who helps when he’s home doing his share or taking over. You’re not the housekeeper or cook or main carer 24/7 so that has to be a joint priority. I take Saturdays all to myself & DH does 2 of the evening activities for the kids each week.
Do one thing a day that gets you out the house - zoo membership is great. Don’t put pressure on yourself that you need to be busy doing just kids stuff. I’ve managed an hons degree part time & picked up some evening volunteering.
It’s great being a SAHM & be proud of it. Also you can have afternoon naps 😉

NorthernSpirit Fri 05-Jan-18 11:24:02

Personally I couldn’t think of anything worse than being a SAHM (my personal choice and opinion). For me it would mean loosing my identity and independence. I hate the thought of relaying on a man to pay for me and I like the adult interaction that work brings.

Fuzzyduck21 Sun 14-Jan-18 08:15:49

I am a sahm to my 2.3yr old ds and 28 wks pregnant. I've got to say it's nothing like I thought it'd be but neither is motherhood- the good bits are but the hard bits are so much harder than I expected and I am so much more exhausted than I thought I'd be. The relentlessness is the hardest part. No family nearby so doing it all with no help other than dh. I have to say though that I can't imagine going back to work with little ones at home and I feel lucky to be able to decide to do this. I would be less tired if I went to work but would miss a lot so altho hard it's the best decision for us. Relying on my husband's money isn't a problem for me as I feel like I've bloody earned it! Plus both our mums were sahm mums so it's normal for us. We have always had a joint account since we got married so the money is ours as a family and for both of us to use x

Battyoldbat Sun 14-Jan-18 08:31:59

I was a sahm for 7 years. At the time it was brilliant, I loved being at home with the kids and having the freedom to do whatever you liked was great. It was also very very hard as well. I had a well paid, responsible job and giving that up makes a big difference to how people view you. My DH worked away for 5 years of it (he’d stay away half of each week) so it could be incredibly lonely and stressful and utterly relentless.
Think carefully about the long term impact too. I’ve gone back to work now and actually have one of those miraculous things, a part time, term time job. I was lucky to pretty much step straight into it. It’s great for me but I earn less than half what I did before (pro-rated). These jobs are so sought after that they really don’t need to pay much! My pension has taken a hit too, in hindsight we should have kept up payments into that.

Mumchatting Wed 24-Jan-18 13:27:08

Yes, I love being a SAHM.
Best decision ever.
Been a sahm for almost 4 years now.
Love my children and I know I did the best thing for them and for myself.
If you can do it, I say do it. You and your children won't regret it.

Upsydaisy2017 Fri 16-Feb-18 16:48:15

Yes, I do know what you mean. I was a dental nurse and although most of the people I worked with, including my manager, were absolutely lovely - it was a job where you could easily be made to feel belittled and I had a similar experience to you during my pregnancy so I also handing my notice in when my maternity was coming to an end.
I think it depends what personality type you are to be honest, and how much you loved or worked towards your career.
Mine was ok but I was only really there for the money, if someone had said I'll keep you so you don't have to work I would have been gone in a shot. I'm sociable to a point but I don't crave interaction all the time (although I do miss a bit of goss, and even having a good bitch to some extent haha)
I just think I am only going to have this time just me and DS at home with nowhere to be and nothing important to do, once. Once he starts school, even if I have another baby, we won't get these lie ins and lazy days cuddling on the sofa back. I can get a job back.
Some days when OH is going out for after work drinks, the dog is being sick and DS won't stop whinging - yeah I wish I was back at work! But then I just remember that I made this choice for a reason and I was lucky to be able to have the choice.
I have friends who are really independant and love their jobs, so they don't want to give up as they like to get out of the house, be among people, working on their careers and have their own money without having to rely on their husbands.. and thats great if thats what works for them. But as I say its just different personality types.

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