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Do you love being a SAHM? Not returning to work after maternity?

(14 Posts)
Bella8 Sat 11-Nov-17 11:44:34

Hi, I am just looking to hear how other people have found maternity leave and if anybody like myself has changed their mind and decided not to return to work afterwards? I'm currently on 12 months maternity leave; I've worked full time for ten years and worked through my studies prior to this. I've always worked so being at home for so long (DS is now 8 months old) has been a major shock to the system! I'm thinking about not returning to work after maternity. Me and DH are thinking I will be a SAHM while we grow our family and I will get a part time term time job once they are in nursery/school. We have arrived to this decision because we have no child care, no family support. I also do not want to leave DS with strangers until he can understand what is going on and can talk back. The cost of child care would leave little profit from my wage after travel etc. The time to get to and from my place of work would also make things impossible. I realise some people don't get the choice and I'm lucky I do. Things are financially tight but we can manage on DH wage with some cuts.

Sometimes not having much adult interaction all day can be difficult, however I actually get more sense out of my 8 month old than I did out of some adults at work. They didn't talk to you like adults and spoke to you like children a lot of the time. The negative attitudes within my work place and the way they treated me throughout my pregnancy has made my decision to leave a lot easier. I can understand being happier to go back to work if you have a better workplace to go back to. I can't guarantee I won't apply for a part time job (hopefully in a lot nicer of a workplace than my current role) at some point sooner than mine and DH's plan. For now though I'm very happy with my decision. Any negatives of being a SAHM are very quickly forgotten about when I cast my mind back to how belittled I felt at work and how undervalued I was. Every time my beautiful DS smiles at me I feel on top of the world and can see how much value I have to him.

Bella8 Sun 12-Nov-17 13:14:21

Any thoughts?

InDubiousBattle Sun 12-Nov-17 21:03:54

Do I love being a SAHM? Yes. Very much so. My dc are almost 4 and 2.4 years and I've not worked since ds (my eldest)was born. The issue of adult interaction is a bit of a non issue for me as I used to work for myself from home so between toddler groups etc I probably have more now I'm a SAHM. It's been a great decision for us I think.

Autumndays14 Mon 13-Nov-17 12:39:35

I am going to be a SAHM, not through choice as I am am about to go on mat leave and am being made redundant. I will try and get another job but can only work part time as DH works crazy hours and so can’t do drop offs, pick ups etc and so I do all household admin etc (I am happy to do this - don’t want to be at work full time and responsible for the mortgage!).

I am dreading it though as imagine I will get quite fed up. Would love to hear from people who enjoy the SAHM experience so I don’t feel so bad about what is happening!

InDubiousBattle Mon 13-Nov-17 16:51:40

Is there something specific you're dreading Autumn? I can give you loads of positives about it unless the one thing you're specifically dreading is 'losing my absolute dream job that I love and works perfectly for us as a family'! Can't help if that's the case I'm afraid.

AnxietyStrikes Mon 13-Nov-17 16:57:31

I would absolutely love to be a SAHM due to the people and conditions at my job.

We are in a similar situation regards childcare and the travel to my work not making it very viable at all. Unfortunately my partners wage won't support us really. It could cover all bikes bit not food and everything else.

It's such a shame because returning to a place I felt miserable for years for very little profit doesn't seem worth it. Plus putting dd in a nursery.

Dh doesn't earn enough to support us but too much to be considered for any help. So I guess I will be returning to work for nothing but paying to put dd in nuserey.

Moose23ishungry Mon 13-Nov-17 17:03:05

What sort of term time, part time job will you do? Are there many of these jobs around?

Landed Mon 13-Nov-17 17:07:25

Yes I do but more importantly, to me, my DC appreciate it and my other half values my being at home so he doesn't have to worry either. We have no one we could leave the children with not day to day nor in an emergency.

mamamalt Mon 13-Nov-17 17:08:07

I’m a SAHM now due to similar circumstances that you have described. My wages wouldn’t have reached London childcare and luckily my DP can support us on his income. I do enjoy it and have loved being at home with my DS and being there for lots of his firsts. There are lots of upsides but I wouldn’t down play the lack of social interaction and loneliness.
It is really really freakin hard! Sometimes it has done me in being exhausted and sleep deprived and solely responsible for the shopping, cleaning, cooking and entire up keep of the household. I’ve found it hard to make mum friends, have no friends with babies or who don’t work and so have spent lots of time on my own! London is difficult as people move around or have a language barrier but a year later I am getting there! Just in time for us to move. We are moving closer to my DPs parents (in Ireland!) and I am looking forward to a network around me.
Good luck OP. I hope you have some people to lean on xxx

onlyonaTuesday Mon 13-Nov-17 17:16:35

I’m the opposite and hated being a stay at home mum.
The days went on forever and I longed for adult stimulation.
I also hated the fact that all I had to talk about when Dp got home was the children or the Home.
I got a part time job.
Everyone was much happier

RandomUsernameHere Mon 13-Nov-17 17:25:36

I absolutely love it, you are lucky to have the option so go for it! You can always return to work at any point, be that sooner or later, but your DS will only be little once and you can never get that time back.
My main piece of advice would be to arrange to go to a class/group/play date every day during the week. It will mean that your DS does not miss out on socialising and you get to have some adult company each day. It also gives both of you a good routine. It doesn't have to be expensive, there are lots of groups near where we live that charge £1. I would also recommend getting an annual pass to a nearby petting farm or zoo, if that is an option. Good luck, whatever your decision!

Autumndays14 Mon 13-Nov-17 18:14:12

My main worry is not being able to be ‘me’ and another just a mum. I like having time away from home to use my brain and interact with people and I also like earning my own money. DH is very generous and stuff so I’m not worried that I won’t be able to buy stuff for myself anymore but would just rather pay for that stuff myself with my own little pot of money!

Autumndays14 Mon 13-Nov-17 18:16:06

I’m also a bit worried as lots of theSAHM near me spend a lot of time talking about renovating houses and diets and stuff and I don’t want to become someone who is obsessed with getting new curtains as I don’t have enough to occupy my brain!

InDubiousBattle Mon 13-Nov-17 21:24:16

Hopefully something will come up after your mat leave then!

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