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How to stop feeling trapped?

(6 Posts)
slushmucky Wed 16-Aug-17 23:26:36

I am a sahm of three children. I have been like this now for 9 years. I have no friends. I don't go out like ever. The bottom line is I have no idea how to make new friends. I don't like social media sites and that immediately sets me out from the crowd. #

My partner works really weird hours. From half four to a quarter to three in the morning. I can't go an get a job because of childcare for me LO. I can't find evening classes because my dp works in the evenings till the middle of the night.

I feel so trapped. My partner tries to help but i think he's lost on how to help. I want to make friends. I want to make good friends - my friends track record isn't good, they always back stab me. I just don't know how. I feel completely lost. I don't know who I am any more.

Hoe do I find myself again? How do I make new friends? How do I stop feeling trapped?

Any suggestions?

monty1212 Wed 16-Aug-17 23:40:48

Sorry you feel this way, it can be really hard. Not sure how old your LOs are. You could try some children centres (although i know that may not be the way for everyone, i myself have a fobia of going to children centres to make friends). I believe however you need to switch your belief a little before searching for friends. Try forgive your past friendships and find anything positive about them to recall in your memory. Otherwise im affraid your new friendships will end the same way. Is there any family that could help you once a week? Could you find an activity that you couls do with kids in the afteroon that would meet you with similarly minded people ?

slushmucky Thu 17-Aug-17 08:21:06

Thank you for responding. I think your right. I do need to change my mindset about friends. That is a big one.

My little ones are 9, 6 and 2. Unfortunately there is no baby groups because there is no government funding any more, so they have all shut down. There is non-government funding ones at churches and things but because they are the only ones in the area now, they are jam packed with people and I don't do well in crowds, I get really anxious.

I do have my family around, luckily, but they also work really weird hours. My dad works nights, so he goes to bed quite early, and mum works evenings. They don't get much time together, so I feel bad asking them to look after mu children because it means sacrificing their time together.

I have recently found out that the library does do rhyme time on a Thursday morning, which is hard for to go to at the moment. It's the summer holidays and I have no one to have my older 2 children as my partner needs to sleep because he was as work the night before. They also do story time a the library on a Saturday, which is easier because my partner can look after my older 2.

I also wish there was something I could do, just for me as well. But finding the time and a baby sitter is hard.I'm sure I won't feel as bad once my dc go back to school.

monty1212 Fri 18-Aug-17 04:39:55

Its hard to feel stuck. Are there any parents from DC school you could relly upon to have the older ones for sleep over? Some friends from school? I dont think you need to feel guily with your parents. Any grandparent will love to have the occasional responsibility. Even if it means they will loose some of their time. To be honest they can still well enjoy time together with GC. I wish it will get easier for you.
When you feel trap you need to ensure you try something different. Even if its going to a local cafe with all your LOs just to break the feeling. Who knows you may even find some desperate mother there!!!

slushmucky Sun 20-Aug-17 16:32:10

It is hard. The hardest part is trying to get out of that flunk. My parents do offer to have the children in the holidays, and I instantly jump at the chance. I can't rely on people at the school. I have a couple of mums I talk to but I don't feel comfortable meeting up with them. It is so much harder in the holidays because I have no reason to get up and go. No school run to do. Only two weeks left now. So I'm hopefully going to get back into that routine and feel grounded again.
Thank you for your support.

SlimDogMillionaire Thu 21-Sep-17 14:54:05

How about getting involved with the PTA?

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