Playdate behaviour normal?(7 Posts)
I have a friend I meet up with for playdates. I find arranging to meet up with her very stressful. It's always the same. She gets annoyed that she hasn't seen me for ages, as if it's my fault, but she will only ever offer me a 9:30 - 11:00 slot (which is actually 10:00-11:00 as she is always late - no time to really do anything), or a 3pm to 5pm slot.
As we live at different sides of town, I find the later slot difficult beause it means I travel back through rush hour, so I end up leaving at 4pm. Also, I work evenings, and it's a struggle to get dinner, etc before work.
She says it's because of her baby's nap times. However (and this is the point), I've noticed she meets other people in the middle of the day.
She also keeps me waiting until the last minute - will ask if I'm available on a particular day, then ignores texts until the very morning of the meet-up. Sometimes I don't even know where we are meeting until that day. Or she will change the time or location last minute. She is fussy about where we meet. I basically feel it's all on her terms.
Am I out of order thinking that this is irritating or not a normal/respectful way to treat a friend?
You're right - it is a rude way to behave.
But. I have a 1yo and a toddler and we are also slaves to the nap - it's really hard to find times to meet up when the baby isnt asleep or were eating, so 10ish and 3ish are my prime times too.
And the text thing - also me. I'm a disorganised mess & life screams past in a blur. I struggle to get my head around anything not happening that day - and then it'll be 'oh shut I'm meeting Cooking tomorrow! Did I text her back?'
So on behalf of your friend I apologise, but that doesn't explain why she manages with other people - do they go to her house? Or do they go places where the baby can nap in the buggy? That makes things easier? Nor does it explain why she gets annoyed that you don't see each other - do you do your fair share of inviting her to do things or is it always her that asks you?
I'd give the play dates a rest for a while. Things will change and you can pick them up again, but for now it might suit you both to not have to do it.
Thanks guys. I used to do my fair share of inviting to playdates but Ive cooled off a bit. Partially because every time I think of an occasion to meet her I realize she will be awkward with the timings.
She goes to some organised groups in the day with her kids and she occasionally drops into the conversation that she's met a friend. I think - 'how come they get offered that middle-day slot?!'.
Ive wondered if she sees me as a fringe friend or not too bothered about it, but she always seems keen to meet - at awkward times.
I think she has a timetable that she fills
up mentally, and you're her go to for those particular slots. It's not a nice way to be treated; every relationship consists of some compromise. It sounds far to stressful to
me, so if it were me, I would just let the friendship slip
Last time she contacted me, seeming annoyed, to ask to meet, I replied - Is it 09:30 or 15:00? (trying to hint that she is being very specific, so not always my fault!) I can't do the later slot due to work but can do mornings on xyz. She agreed to a morning (said she'd cancelled something to see me). Day before she texts to say she may not be able to make it. Then on the morning she replies to say her kids are coming out of an illness - do I still want to meet?
Sounds bad, but after being messed about lots, not sure whether they really were ill.
I say, it's fine to meet, so she then decides were we are meeting and says "I will need to leave at 11:00". Arrrgh! Time is now getting on and I'm rushing about trying to get out quickly so it's worth meeting that morning.
I think you are right Amnesty.
I wish I wasn't, i'm sorry. Once she is gone though, I bet you notice how having her out of your life ends up as a bit of a relief x
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