Hi all,
I'm a SAHM to a 2.5 year old boy. He's a lovely, chatty little boy and we mostly have a lot of fun together but he also has ferocious tantrums, a tonne of energy, and been a terrible sleeper from birth. DS was a colicky, screaming, non sleeping discontent nightmare when he was a baby.
I'm now almost 8 weeks pregnant with no 2, after having a recent miscarriage . DH really wanted 2 children, as for me I'm not sure as I don't know how I'd cope with no family nearby. But I went along with it as I told myself I'd cope somehow as "everyone does" according to DH. I never wanted children in the past but now wouldn't imagine life with my DS. After 2.5 years of sleep deprivation (sleep training didn't work), I'm really bricking it at the thought of having another newborn to care for.
I've suffered from very well hidden depression and anxiety since my teens. I don't make friends easily. Prior to children, I always worked. I held down a very highly paid career for nearly 15 years, suffering mental breakdowns a few times as I hated my job but couldn't leave because I couldn't find anything which paid as well. When DS came, i decided I couldn't go back to my old job as I just wouldn't cope with the added pressure.
Most of my savings went into our house deposit so we'd be able to afford a mortgage on one income. Now I find myself having to be careful with money all the time. I don't mind it as I cherish the opportunity to be home with DS and am fortunate that my DH earns as much as I used to and can afford us this lifestyle. But if I'm honest, I miss my old lifestyle (not my job) sometimes. I loved travelling and seeing new places. But now I have no one with leave DS with when I go for my midwife or doctor appointments.
I'm really anxious I won't be able to find a family friendly job when DC are older. I don't want DC to think I do nothing all day and sponge off DH. My old city job does not do part time, is very specialised and with very little transferable experience.
I'm also lonely. I don't make friends easily though I've met loads of mums at parent and toddler groups - we all get on but it never extends beyond the group. I can be sociable and outgoing but I'm generally an introvert. I haven't met any mum who "gets me". DS has lots of play dates but it's all about the kids if you know what I mean...
Sorry for the long post. I feel lost sometimes and just needed to put it in writing.
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I feel out of my depth
21 replies
Lbjmum2014 · 19/06/2017 08:35
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