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AIBU?

(2 Posts)
ChiaraMetal Sat 01-Apr-17 16:26:35

I am a SAHM to my 5 yo dd and 21 mo ds. Supposed to be self-employed from home but my business fluctuates. My dh works full time as a photographer, at the minute I feel like he's leaving a lot of the childcare to me whilst he gets to do what he wants. On his days off, he's either on his computer, or finds something to do that involves me being left with the kids. He likes to go out to pursue his interests as a videographer and meet his friends, but we have repeated arguments because he always seems to be 'too busy' to send me a text now and then to let me know when he thinks he'll be back. I spend hours wondering what the hell is happening and when I eventually cave and ring him, he makes me feel like the bad guy. He never thanks me for having the kids so much (and I really do, my social life is zero, childcare is 99.9% of my life, the other 0.1% is when they're asleep), and he never offers to do things with them to let me have a rest, he always leaves it to me to suggest something. Even then I can't win. I will go upstairs to put laundry away and have some breathing space, but he'll be begging me to come back down not long after. There was one weekend I felt really ill, so I asked him to take both the kids with him to town so I could go to bed "oh but I won't be able to get what I need with them both there", like I have that freaking choice when I take them! Yet I've had to cope whilst he's in bed with a hangover or whatever. I just feel like my role and my good nature are being disrespected. We had a bit of a falling out last night, he had arranged to meet a girl he used to work with to give her some old camera stuff she was buying from him. My understanding was that it would be a quick handover and he would be coming home. 2 hours later, no word from him so I rang him "we're in a bar, it took us half an hour to find one", I ask him why he didn't tell me they were going for a drink and he didn't give me a straight answer, he just kept excusing his lack of communication on how busy town was. Because it's too hard to take 1 minute to send a text? He then says "shall I set off home then?", which, given his original plan, was unbelievable. I think he enjoys the attention he gets from his female colleagues, they've all added him to Facebook and are always chatting to him outside of work hours, there are 2 other guys at work that they aren't bothered about, however. One of the girls has only just started working there yet added dh to Facebook on her first day. The irony being he told me I'd nothing to worry about, then last night happened.

I hate myself for feeling so bitter and resentful, but I feel like I'm being taken advantage of. We don't have much family support, the only people around are my mil and her husband, but they have an unsafe person living with them who controls them so they don't see much of the kids. I'd love to go out and socialise, but a lot of my friends abandoned me after having kids, I have always mostly had male friends, but I deliberately don't arrange to go see them as I feel like it would be disrespectful. I'm also very socially awkward and find making new friends hard.

One thing that's important to point out is that I love my kids immensely, I just feel like I'm slowly dying inside because I'm losing myself outside of them. I love my dh too and would not want our marriage to fail. We've been through a lot and I don't want to throw it away over something stupid.

Thanks in advance if anyone reads my rant. I needed to vent somewhere before I post something socially that I will regret.

Obsidian77 Sat 01-Apr-17 16:32:15

I don't have any advice but this sounds very frustrating and unfair. He's absolutely taking the piss.
I don't see why you shouldn't see friends because they happen to be men. You sound like you're under immense strain and need help in real life. Can you talk to your GP or HV?

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