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I feel like im not doing enough ...

(8 Posts)
ButtonPatch Sun 26-Mar-17 23:56:17

I have a 16month old who is developing pretty normally I think ... a little stroppy at times and started throwing major tantrums but she's talking quite well, has always had a routine and enjoys time on her own to play just as much as she does playing with us.
Everyday i do all the usual housework general repairs etc. But when i have half an hour like if baby is in bed i feel like i should be doing something, like no matter how much I've done I've not done enough.

my partner works looong days and he earns all the money, so I feel like i should be doing more to make up for how much he works to support us. With the amount of time he has to work and the days where he might not be able to get home on time it makes it near impossible for me to find a job where I'll be able to see him at all.

I don't know what i should be doing everyday

Joffmognum Tue 28-Mar-17 01:46:42

I totally understand. Could your parents look after your child for one day a week or so whilst you look for jobs? If you use an agency you'll be communicating by telephone so you won't need babysitting then.

Joffmognum Tue 28-Mar-17 01:47:47

If you can afford to, put her in a nursery for two mornings a week or so and dedicate that time to job searching. Look online, too.

thegoatwhogotthequiche Tue 28-Mar-17 10:50:03

I had a different view on this, I loved my career and (not by choice) ended up being a SAHP. I came to look at it as a win win, DH has more than doubled his salary since I gave up work, there is never any argument about who needs to stay home if one of the DCs are sick and he also has the freedom of being free to 'network' at the pub fairly occasionally after work. In some ways I would swap, so I have to look at it that we both get a fairly good deal most days and on some days either one of us might be getting the rough end of the deal.

It's spring, I would be ditching the guilt and getting out and about with your LO, national trust places are great to get them running about, enjoy visiting places in term time when they are lovely and quiet while you can.

ButtonPatch Thu 30-Mar-17 17:58:10

Thank you for responding
Sorry ive been a little run off my feet
My dad lives in America and my mums disabled so it'd have to be childcare if i were to get a job and funds are tight already :/

Thank you I'll have a look into some places I can take her

BusyBee2017 Fri 12-May-17 09:00:54

I am currently looking at stuff I can do at home to make a little extra money around the kids who are both under 20 months

Maybe look into doing something at home

user1498028015 Mon 03-Jul-17 07:13:14

It's not all about making money. From what you've said the money isn't what bothers you so much as feeling like you should be making up for not earning in some way. I have to say I feel exactly the same since stopping working but as OP said, you must look at it positively. You are raising your child. You get to give them a wonderful time with one of their favourite people all day every day. I feel bad sometimes about sitting down with a cup of tea once things are done but at the end of the day you would have a break at work, and you need to be kind to yourself sometimes too.
My OH works long hours too and it means you do absolutely everything. In a lot of relationships it's more evenly shared so try to remember that too. At the end of the day if you're surviving for money and your OH is happy with the arrangement then just try to enjoy it. It's the most amazing thing to get to do and it goes so so quickly!!!
Ignore the guilt. It would be there even if you were going out to work and earning loads. There is way way more to life than money xxx

AvoidingCallenetics Mon 03-Jul-17 07:24:29

I don't think you have to work the exact amount of time that your dp does. Your 'job' is different, but equally valuable. You are making a financial contribution, in the form of childcare. If you, as a couple, had to pay for it, it would cost a lot of money. Possibly more than you could earn in paid employment and that's before you add in the costs of working, like travel expenses etc.
You are also giving your dp peace of mind. He can go off to work and not worry about having to get back to the childminder on time or taking time off if baby is unwell. He also knows that his baby is with the other person in the whole world who loves them like he does. That makes going to work a lot easier.
So, if your baby allows you the odd bit of free time, enjoy it. It's important that you don't get exhausted too and have some time to recharge. I expect your dp gets a lunch and tea break!
Women are always criticised and made to feel guilty no matter what they do, so you have to consciously opt out of that. You deserve time to just relax.

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