Do you get lonely?(10 Posts)
Don't get me wrong. I love my children and I adore being a sahm. I'm completely aware how lucky I am but I feel myself spirraling into depression. I'm lonely. I don't have many mum friends. I do speak to most mums at the school gates but never more than that, not 'let's have a coffee' kind of thing. I'm having a crap time in general and I feel depressed. I'm so lonely when it's mostly me and my youngest. I do try and mix things up with him and do a lot of different activities with him but I also think I have a touch of anxiety. Soft play centres, children's centres literally petrify me, I had bad experiences when I went with my eldest and I always feel uncomfortable but then I beat myself up for not going but make it up to my youngest with walks, parks, messy play, garden, lots of indoor activities.
I guess I just need someone to tell me I'm not alone. My family live far away. I see my mum once a week and I cherish that time with her, and my husband works nights and sleeps all day.
Sorry for the rant. I just don't know how to get myself out of my rut.
I found a good way to meet and make friends was to volunteer at playgroups, you get to know the other volunteers really well as well as all the regulars. I made some very good mum friends that way. However that doesn't mean I still don't feel lonely at times so you certainly are not alone in your feelings. You mention walks, is there a walking group you can join, friends needn't just be mums. I think also it may be worth seeing your GP about the anxiety, even just talking about it could help to pull you out of the rut. Good luck
When I was a SAHM, it was helpful to me to have activities to look forward to which were outside of the kids and their interests to stave off the blues. For me personally, the worry that I would give up everything I cared about to raise the kids and then be left with no life and no interests when they grew up and left home sometimes made me feel a bit down (suspect this had something to do with my own clingy mother).
I found taking evening classes really helpful to have something nice to look forward to and I learned to value my time with the kids as well as my grown-up time. I also found that using my career skills for volunteering was really helpful in giving me a sense of purpose too (in addition to keeping my CV ticking over). All of those things helped me to meet like-minded people and to make friends in the long-run.
From my experience, it's normal to feel like you do occasionally, and I think the fact you're acknowledging that is positive.
There is nothing wrong with not liking being a SAHM, not all of us where cut to enjoy it.
I do need a lot of mental stimulation and get depressed without the little day to day challenges a job presents. I loved meeting for breakfast and going for lunch with other SAHM but to be honest, we could only do it once a week and the rest of the days I was crawling the walls.
At the end I got a part time job that paid peanuts but allowed me to get out off the house, talk to other adults and have a rest of the relentless level of supervision you have to do when you have a young child.
Is there any possibility to put your kid in nursery for a few hrs a week so you have some time to catch up with yourself?
Go and ave a word at your children's centre and see if they can find you a parent to befriend or a group to get involved with
I have been incredibly lonely in the past, the very worst time was when DC2 was born, we had just moved house and DC1 was not yet old enough for nursery, toddler groups all started at 9:30/10am (this start time confused the hell out of me before I had children at school) and I was never a morning person.
TBH keeping in touch with my friends, most of whom had not had children at the point was what kept me sane, we would either meet up during the week if they had days off or go out child free for lunches and shopping at the weekend.
Things that helped have included hunting down a good toddler group, I now drive into our nearest big town once a week for this, it's worth it for the sheer volume of people that attend and how well organised it is. Helping with the school ptfa, you just have to be careful not to over commit. Lastly just striking up conversations with Mums where you live, I have been lucky with this last one and have met two very good friends this way...you might get a few knock backs but IMO it's worth it.
You're not alone OP. I feel exactly the same way as you do. It's really tough somedays, I just try and hold onto how much better things will be when my LO will be at preschool, then school etc....I'm not sure I'm cut out to be a sahm and I feel like my brain is going stagnant despite all the books I read and online courses that I do but I also know it's not forever but some days are terrifibly hard and terribly lonely and it feels like forever. You're doing a great job now be kind to yourself 💐
It can be hard, but sometimes I think you need to be the one that arranges things. Just ask someone if they fancy a coffee what's the worst that can happen? They say no, it's not the end of the world.
I've found most mums feel the same and are more than happy for a chat and a coffee.
As others said try playgroups and regular classes you pre book (so you see the same people every week).
Also you have to start doing the asking, asking does get easier!
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