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It's not really work apparently

(13 Posts)
Applecrumble99 Tue 30-Aug-16 20:28:39

I don't know about anyone else, but lately I am really struggling to get DH to acknowledge that I 'work' looking after 2 children, and also part time 1.5 days a week (half day WFH and in mat leave still for DC2 for 1 day) plus general constant washing, cooking, cleaning etc
I know I'm lucky I'm that I spend time with them and get to do stuff like go on a walk so the eldest can ride bike, or take them swimming etc, things he can only do on a rare day off when not working 14 hour days (hence he reckons I have it easy and am always off out somewhere, which I'm not really, compared to some of my friends who seem to be on an outing somewhere all day every day). But I can't explain the permanent being on call and ready for the next thing to need sorting. Has anyone had this and actually solved it or do you have to just put up with it and it gets better as DC get older? It's not an option at the moment to just leave him with the two of them to see what it's like, and anyway all he would do is childcare, none of the other jobs so if just be making myself more work!

barefootbird Wed 31-Aug-16 08:16:41

It's not an option at the moment to just leave him with the two of them to see what it's like IMO you have to do just that! For your sanity if for nothing else, DH does acknowledge that it is relentlessly hard work but I feel cope better if I get a good break. You can't explain the relentless being on call and ready for the next thing to need sorting, it really is something that needs to be experienced!

In the early days if I had a day/weekend away I used to come home to a mess, but now I pretty much find things as I left them. DH works long hours but he will admit that he totally takes being able to walk down the street alone or go for a beer after work for granted.

sonlypuppyfat Wed 31-Aug-16 08:19:58

Who does he think would do it all if you didn't

Soubriquet Wed 31-Aug-16 08:22:10

Saw this the other day. I know it's not brilliant but will make him think slightly.

Seriously, leave him with the children AND a list of jobs to do. Give him a challenge. "You think it's so easy, you do it. Prove it"

LumpySpacedPrincess Wed 31-Aug-16 08:27:44

I didn't encounter this because i didn't marry a sexist, sorry but your husband thinks your work is worth less than his, that's crap.

You do have to make a stand, that attitude is pervasive and rubs off, daughters learn to accept their place in the world and boys grow up to expect a nice wife who does all that family stuff.

barefootbird is right, he needs to have the children to see how much hard work it is. I would also stop doing any wifework for him, buying pressies for his family etc, let him do that.

Buy Wifework by Susan Maushart and get him to read it, then read it yourself.

You have to be valued in a marriage, you have to be appreciated. Society does not value the work women do, you know all that quality, free childcare. Your partner must value what you do, tell him how much he has hurt your feelings.

LumpySpacedPrincess Wed 31-Aug-16 08:31:47

fwiw the time I spent at home with a small child were the hardest, bloody lovely too and I think of that time with fondness but it's bloody hard work.

NapQueen Wed 31-Aug-16 08:33:28

Why can't he be left with them?

Dozer Wed 31-Aug-16 08:35:54

Sexist idiot. Wants to be a parent but not to parent his DC.

Why does he work that much anyway?

SaggyNaggy Wed 31-Aug-16 08:37:05

I'd like to know why he can't be left with them too?
He should be being left woith them regularly, build the father child bond & give you a day off.

ChickyDuck Wed 31-Aug-16 08:37:12

Listen to "the old man" by Kate Rusby - sums it up rather well methinks!

CodyKing Wed 31-Aug-16 08:41:40

He thinks it's easy - you do nothing - so his day off with the kids should be a breeze!

All that free time sitting round drinking tea - no doubt catch up on you fav TV late after noon - then there the lovely outing where everyone skips along happy - just a splash of Doris Day!!

Don't forget those afternoon naps you take and wake fresh and ready for more!

Let him enjoy his day off - no breaks no lunch time no pay -

Leave him a list!

Oliversmumsarmy Wed 31-Aug-16 09:05:00

As well as dp not understanding about how to look after children, keep the house fairly clean etc I found dp wouldn't believe how long doing stuff actually takes.he will ask me to organise something, just one phone call, but could never get his mind round that one phone call could take several hours. By the time you have been cut off 4 or 5 times, you have explained yourself several times to several different sets of people only to find you have been transferred numerous times around the world.etc

Since Dp has been ill he is just beginning to get the idea that nothing is that simple anymore

OneTiredMummmyyy Thu 01-Sep-16 12:27:20

OP, I can relate to this as my DP is similar. I'm a SAHM to two under two and the notion that I can do X or Y during weekdays because I "have all week" really grates! Remind him that you do all the childcare and housework for free, you don't get paid for it as such - the least he can do is be appreciative. It isn't too much to ask. Otherwise you will end up feeling resentment towards him. Try and leave him alone with your DC for as long a period as you can (even if it's just 2 - 3 hours). He needs to see how hard it actually is.

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