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Does anyone enjoy it?

(8 Posts)
DollyBarton Sun 24-Jul-16 09:45:38

I'm a WAHM and have a fab nanny Monday to Friday, 8.30 to 5pm. It's a very very lucky and nice situation as my job pays well and I get a break from the kids to work an easy job while still seeing them for lunch and anytime I pop down for a cuppa or if someone is upset. I've a 3yr old, nearly 2 yr old and a 7 mth old. My nanny does amazing work both with the kids and the house. She tries to set it up each day to be as easy as possible for me and I'll be grateful to her for helping our family forever. I STILL find that it is incredibly stressful and quite honestly unsatisfying parenting the kids when I have them on my own in the mornings (often from 5am), evenings and weekends. This makes me feel so bad as they are lovely children and also I think I have the holy grail of set ups with my work and nanny situation. I should find it easier!! My work will come to an end either this year or next and I'll need to find new stuff which will unlikely pay as much but hopefully would still cover nanny and some other bits but I do wonder if it doesn't, how would I cope with being a SAHM (which was what I thought I always wanted pre-kids). I'm (naively?) assuming I would do better at it than now as if have a chance to build my own life and routines with the kids but surely the monotony and stress and loneliness would be much more than now? Does anyone love being a SAHM? If I do it I need to be good at it for my children's sake.

If you love it, can you tell my how you cope with the stress and what it is that you love about it?

I am spending the rest of this year and next setting up a new business that will hopefully secure my working future as I don't want to work out if home again considering the extra stress it would put on all our schedules and time but if it came to it I want to mentally prepare myself for considering the SAHM option.

Ps. I have a lovely DH who adores the children but works all day and night and most of every weekend.

JoandMax Sun 24-Jul-16 09:52:21

My advice would be don't overthink it!! Try it out, if you love it carry on, if you don't do something else. It's not a forever decision

I love it, love not having anyone dictate how we spend our days. My kids are at school now and I do a lot of volunteer work during school hours which at the moment is enough for me. I love not being pulled in different directions, I can give the kids my utmost priority with no other work demands. I never miss an assembly, a parade, never have to juggle.

It can be mentally unstimulating at times so you just have to bear that in mind and continue to do hobbies you enjoy to keep that part of you going

DollyBarton Sun 24-Jul-16 09:58:18

Thank you! I guess I want to get better at the times I'm with them whether I'm a SAHM or not! I feel guilty for finding such 'manageable' chunks of time with them so hard. I spend too much time trying to keep our world nice and under control rather than just relaxing and focusing on them. I look at SAHMs and am so impressed with how they cope. Any hints are welcome!

FaFoutis Sun 24-Jul-16 09:58:56

I WAH and have 3 dc with similar age gaps. That period you are in is very difficult and the ony way I found to 'love' (endure) it was to tune in to that way of living and the dc's rhythms. I didn't have any child care and worked at night (5 - 12), but I could do that because of my DH's job.

I think you might be dipping in and out of the SAHM world and not getting acclimatised to it.

Doje Sun 24-Jul-16 10:00:33

I love it. Ironically, before kids, I thought I would go back to work full time after mat leave, but found I really didn't want to.

Routines are my friend! Although I realise that's not for everyone! And play groups. I initially hated doing all the nursery rhyme & singing stuff, but get stuck in now!

It really doesn't need to be stressful. You have all the time in the world really - kids don't do stuff quickly! I plan an outing for each morning, and then do chores or crafty stuff in the afternoon, or just a play in the garden.

I suppose my advice is don't make things too complicated for yourself. And even chores are 'fun' for kids. My 2.5 year old lays the tablel, helps unload the dishwasher, and even hangs out the laundry and gets stuck in with cooking. And going to the supermarket is a treat!

We walk lots of places - interesting for the kids, and wears them out. Just leave plenty of time!

I love it, because the kids are fun! I never laughed this much whilst working in an office! Our home is also much more organised than when I worked!

Modalverb1 Sun 24-Jul-16 10:05:42

Why does your DH work such long hours?

PleaseGetOffTheTableDarling Sun 24-Jul-16 10:07:58

I'm a SAHM, and I do love it, but I definitely recognise those feelings of being stressed and a bit bored by it sometimes. I think as PP said, the days that are the most enjoyable are the ones where I let the DCs come first. That sounds a bit obvious but actually it's so easy to feel like I HAVE to get all the housework done/do some exercise/see other people etc etc etc.
I do have to regularly remind myself that the housework will still be there later, and when I'm in my dotage I won't be wishing I'd spent more time wiping skirting boards smile.
Although the one thing guaranteed to give me rage is any of those FB poems about exactly that.
I can definitely see that being a SAHP is not for everyone though, and that's completely normal and fine, just like every other job in the world.

DollyBarton Sun 24-Jul-16 19:58:05

Modalverb1 my DH changed career not long ago into a very intense area of the law. He's a bit trapped in not being able to turn down work as well as having the sort of personality that wants to do everything 110%. He's very much between a rock and a hard place right now so I take the lionshare of childcare mornings, evenings and weekends. He is terrified of missing their childhoods but is in a difficult position. He's a good man and stops work to do anything I ask as well as gives them his fullest attention and best mood no matter how exhausted he is. It's certainly not a perfect situation these last few years but I've no criticism of him. It would be a lot more fun to parent together but he's doing his best, and ultimately doing it for us. It can't go on like this though and he knows it.

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