Hi. Im at my witts end that I could cry/explode. My husband works full time and Im an out of work health care professional bringing up our 3 girls. I dont get a penny off him. If I ask for foundation etc he takes me out to buy it. If i ask for money, he wants to know what its for and how much the said item will cost. If we get a takeaway, he asks for the change when I come away from the door. It confuses me, i know he'll buy me what i need but i dont want him taking me out yo get it like he's my dad. Its went on for years. The tc and cb go into his account, my carers allowance for my gran goes into my pist office account but he has the card. Its actually depressing me now, the arguments over money is horrendous. I would leave him but I dont have a penny to my name and no where to stay. Ive got £1.20 in my purse in 20ps.
Xx
A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.
SAHP
SAHM with no money
Nutsaboutmykids · 09/07/2016 20:24
It's gone on for years? Goodness, that's awful! What if you nip out for a pint of milk and realise you need washing up liquid and eggs, do you need to go back and ask for more money? That's unbelievable.
DH has his own account. At the start of each year he puts a lump sum into the joint account that I use. I take from it monthly (or as often as I need).
He never questions what I buy or how I spend the money. If I go to soft play and buy DS a scooter or if I buy a dress or shoes. Shop from Asda or Markies. Because he trusts me and because he isn't a controlling douchebag.
We do talk about money regularly and if I've spent loads, he'll tell me that he's noticed and do I have enough, do I need to reel it in a bit? But honestly, we had discussions like that when we were 50/50 with joint incomes so nothing's changed because I'm a SAHM.
I'm not sure what to suggest, you said you've argued over money before? couldn't he give you an amount at the start of the year/month/week and trust you to spend it accordingly, you're a grown woman!
This is awful, love. Poor you. He sounds horrendous.
I've been where you are. I had a well off husband but no access to my own money. I used to steal 20ps from his wallet and save them up so I could afford to buy tampons. He was a dreadful way to live. So demeaning. I felt worthless. He was also violent but somehow it was the financial abuse that was worse.
Three years ago I left. I had small children (1 and 3 at the time) and one day I'd just had enough. I packed up the car with their toys and clothes, important paperwork and a few essentials for me and I drove to my mum's. I had my car and and £30 in the bank. I never came back.
It's been bloody hard but I don't regret it. I was on benefits for a while until I got back on my feet and found the confidence to start applying for jobs. But now I have a job I enjoy, my DCs are settled at school and we live in a nice rented house close to my family. Life is a million times better. Yours can be too. 
Could you request a new post office card and say old one is lost. Then slip it out of the post when it arrives?
It sounds as though he is abusing you. It's not right for him to make you dependant on him in this way :(
I'm not too far from you, OP. I'm trying to wrack my brain for more names or points of contact for you in the area
So far:
Women's Aid Glasgow website.
Police Scotland website.
Women's Support Project directory. Lots of helpful and hopefully useful contact numbers in there to get you started, OP. Most of these seem to be within Glasgow/Scotland.
Assist website.
Shelter Scotland website.
Drumchapel Women's Aid serves the whole of Glasgow - Tel: 0141 944 0201.
Hemat Gryffe Women's Aid says it's predominantly Glasgow based - Tel: 0141 353 0859
You and your girls need to get away from this man, OP. He's not a good egg.
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My goodness me. I'm utterly saddened by your post. Those aren't even the right words. This "Man" has sucked the life out of you. He does not respect you at all!
Are your children at school, OP? I wonder whether there might even be someone at school you can speak to. Or someone at the local children's centre who can at least offer a listening ear.
With regards to your friends, is there anyone from your past that you may still be able to get in touch with? Personally, I wouldn't care how long it had been, if an old friend I'd lost touch with was in trouble and needed help/support I would want to know!
I would echo what the others have said about PO card, CB and CT. Do you have personal ID? Is he out of the house during the day? Please, please, for the sake of your children start taking the steps you need toward a better life. Keep posting on here for support. Feel free to PM me at any point.
Big hugs
This is abuse, and you can't let it go on op. It's just going to keep you down until you have less and less strength to stand up to him. Try and find a job - once you've got one, with a tax credits top up and child benefit, you'll be able to support you and your children.
Speaking of children, how old are your girls? Do they understand what's going on? They don't deserve to grow up with an abusive father - please don't let them.
Definitely report your post office card as lost so you can get a new one to hide from him. If you're at home, you should be able to pick it out of the mail. As for the others, are you able to get them changed to your account?
Call women's aid - they're incredible. They'll offer good advice on what to do. Also, if you dh ever gets violent again - verbally or physically - phone the police, non emergency if you must. You'll need to have a track of situations to help you get full custody of the children. Are your parents around? Can you ask them for help?
Stay strong op. You deserve better. It may take a while, but you need to leave the abusive bastard so you can live without constantly being scared of his reactions. We're with you and my inbox is always open.
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