SAHP feeling a bit isolated!(7 Posts)
Hi, I am a SAHM to my 11 month old daughter. I love spending time with my daughter, but I am beginning to feel quite isolated lately. I don't have any friends that I see in the week, my mum lives far away and doesn't keep in touch much, I live in a very quiet street, with mainly older people, so I'm beginning to feel quite socially isolated. I have been to a toddler group, but found it quite cliquey, people not willing to talk to new mums starting the group, also my daughter needs a nap by 10, which is when most toddler groups start. Any suggestions about what I could do? I need to break the same routine, that my daughter and I do on a daily basis. Thank you in advance!
Its very hard to break in and meet like minded people, I'd suggest try the local library, ours do sing songs for toddlers, you might meet people there. I also went to lots of toddlers groups and its mind numbing. Also might be worth asking your health visitor or gp about any local groups for new mums/dads, they should know whats on in your area.
Good luck op, its the best time on your life but also very challenging.
It could be worth trying some more toddler groups? I wish I'd persevered when DC1 was very small, I had a couple of bad experiences and didn't go back. I think I'd set myself up with such high expectations about meeting some new people and came away feeling pretty crushed because everyone seemed to know one another and no one really spoke to me.
I have since found a lovey baby and toddler group, it is very nurturing for both the mothers and the babies, it is also in a town and I think they are used to people not knowing anyone. The village ones were nice but they seemed to assume that everyone knew each other.
If you have a sure-start center near you then that could also be worth a look?
The NCT is another option? We have moved since but when DC1 was small there was a nice local group and I went out on a few social things, they would also get together and do fund raisers...that could be another place to try?
Definitely persist with groups you need to go to the same one at least 3 times to get a proper feel for it imo. Children's centres sometimes run groups in the afternoons so do google you local one. Also maybe look for other activities too eg swimming classes, tumble tots etc gets you out of the house and in company but without pressure of feeling you need to strike up conversation or wondering why no one is talking to you. After a while you might pluck up courage to speak to someone who seems friendly. Home Start provide trained volunteer parents to spend time with other parents who are lonely or struggling - you can self refer if theres one near you, google it they have a website. Don't give up there's someone out there hoping to meet a friend like you.
Thanks for all the replies. I feel put of going to another toddler group because although I did try and make an effort to strike a conversation, generally I'm quiet too, it seemed no one was willing to carry on the conversation, I wasn't introduced to anyone, I wasn't acknowledged by the two ladies running the group and I did feel quite uncomfortable, I could try it again though, or maybe look into other groups. Swimming is one I want to try, so will look into that. I just need to get away from the house and the everyday routine we seem to be stuck in, I'm sure my daughter would enjoy doing more too. Thanks again
Does your town have a Mum FB page? I'm not in the Uk but here it's completely normal for SAHMs to post on them asking if anyone fancies doing XYZ.
Do keep trying with the toddler groups! Sometimes people are just as shy as you and you can interpret that as coldness and even they may be interpreting your shyness as coldness etc.. it helps to just keep going for a while and then you will naturally start talking to people. Its hard if you are shy but worth the effort in the end i think. They arent as cliquey as they seem. I also agree with people suggesting to try the librairy, i go to a singing group at mine and they also do things like baby signing and baby yoga. If you live in a city with a mothercare they often do groups there. Also you could ask your health visitor? Mine gave me a local newsletter with all the childrens groups on it. Im a SAHP too and ive just gone out on a limb and started talking to other women with babies out and about in my village and have actually made lots of friends that way. Just think to yourself 'whats the worst that could happen?' they could think you are a bit strange and just walk off... but the best that could happen is that they are glad of someone being friendly and they want to chat to you and maybe youll have something in common and make a friend! xx
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