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Do you see friends every day?

(24 Posts)
Lachoux Wed 11-May-16 12:21:25

I have 2 DC 3 and 9 months and I am at home with them at the moment. We do all the usual activities - playgroup once a week, park, library, museums etc. Older DC is at nursery 2 days a week which is when I catch up on housework. But we only see friends I.e for coffee or for a play date maybe once a week sometimes every two weeks, as I haven't made that many mum friends (though I have lots of non mum friends who are at work!)
A this normal or is everyone else being sociable every day? I feel like my three year old is missing out on friendships.

Mrsw28 Wed 11-May-16 13:05:43

I have literally no friends. I know that sounds ridiculous and pathetic but the only friends I have are basically two girls I went to school with that I email/text and see once every couple of years, the both live more than 100 miles away from me.

I have no friends locally, we've moved twice since having DC1, and now have DC2, we live in/near my husband's hometown and about 100 miles from mine. I have no work friends that I used to work with because the last time I was employed full time was before DC1 and we lived about 300 miles away from where we are now.

I would love to have some mummy friends that I could meet once a week/fortnight or more if we really clicked but I just haven't made proper friends with anyone at baby groups (we go to a few) and they all seem to have so many friends already.

Just call me Billy.

imwithspud Wed 11-May-16 13:10:15

I hardly ever see friends. I have 3 who I would consider true friends but 2 of them don't live locally and the other is childless and at work. I see her once every few weeks usually for dinner and the other 2 I see a few times a year.

I get on with the mum's at dd1's pre school but haven't been able to click and get past the friendly pleasantries stage.

Lachoux Wed 11-May-16 13:11:24

Sorry to hear that Mrsw, not just me then!
I agree it is hard to make mum friends as everyone seems to have their own thing going on. Much easier to make friends at school/uni.
I'm just going to try and be a bit more open and chatty (not necessarily in my nature)

ohtheholidays Wed 11-May-16 13:21:51

No I think that's perfectly normal,there's a lot of talk now about not trying to fill every single minute of the day for our DC and I think it's true.

It was very different when I was growing up,there were'nt all the toddler groups,messy play,toddler tumble groups ect but I never missed out,I've never struggled to make friends as a child or an adult.
If anything I think it helped the generation I grew up in,we all learnt how to amuse ourselves,we learnt how to use our imaginations,as children we learnt a lot about ourselves and I think that helped with future friendships because we were happy and confident in ourselves and with our own company and I think that helped draw other people to us and made it easier to make friends.

When I had younger children at home I made friends with some of the women I went to a Toddler group with and a messy play group and I'd see them twice a week at those groups,now and again I'd have a friend who didn't go to those groups come round or I'd go to they're house.

Now my 5DC are older(my youngest is 8)I don't see my friends quite as much but when I do see them it tends to be for longer,sometimes we'll go out for lunch and go shopping,other times we'll all go out for dinner together(me,my DH our 5DC and my friends and they're husbands and DC)other times we'll visit each other's homes and watch movies and get a take away or when the weathers nice we'll have a BBQ,we tend to celebrate birthdays of the DC and the adults birthdays together as well.

I think socialising every single day for me would be exhausting,I love my friends and I know they love me but I think having a bit of space is a good thing and besides if you have a bit of space you have more to talk about when you do catch up with each other. smile

peasofcake Wed 11-May-16 13:25:14

I lucked out massively and met a great group of 8 or so girls at the children's centre and we now meet weekly (have done for a year) I go to several other groups but wouldn't say I've made real actual friends there. I have met one person who is very good at making friends and has really put herself out there since moving to the area so I can be done but you do have to do the leg work which just might not be your thing!

sphinxster Wed 11-May-16 13:36:15

I see my non-mum friends from pre-pregnancy in the evenings and weekends.
I go to baby groups and exchange pleasantries but I don't really want to hangout with any of them.
I got friendly with a couple of women from an antenatal class. I started meeting them for coffee but they started bitching about the other women. They didn't see me for dust!

Lachoux Wed 11-May-16 13:43:08

Agree it's about putting in the leg work to get past the 'chatting at baby groups' stage to be more like real friends. Better get cracking.
Although glad to hear that not everyone has a play date or activity lined up for every single day!

BillBrysonsBeard Thu 02-Jun-16 12:42:51

I never see any other mums! I chat at playgroup but otherwise it's just me and DS doing our own thing. He'll make friends at nursery/school when he goes! My childhood was not filled with stuff and I don't get this need to be sociable all the time. It's just another thing to make mums feel inadequate if they're not doing it.

Toomanymarsbars Thu 02-Jun-16 12:45:44

Once a week??! You're lucky! I have no friends where I moved to. I see no one week in, week out, every month, of every year pretty much alone haha until husband comes back from abroad.

Ragwort Thu 02-Jun-16 12:56:20

Yes I did - I moved before we had our DS so I had to make a huge effort to make a new circle of friends (no family locally) - I made sure I didn't just have 'mum' friends but a wide circle so friends I would walk with, neighbours to chat to, do voluntary work, community events, meet at the gym, have a coffee, glass of wine etc. I appreciate I am lucky though as we move around a lot and I do find it quite easy to make friends probably because I am a bit nosey and happy to get involved in anything and everything grin.

MyBreadIsEggy Thu 02-Jun-16 13:04:56

Not just you.
Both DD (13mo) and I were poorly on Monday, Tuesday we had a lazy CBeebies day blush, yesterday we did painting and today we are building duplo towers.....we haven't left the house since Sunday - which is a common occurrence most weeks! We live in the arsehole of nowhere and DH uses the car to get to work most days anyway. I know most of my neighbours/mum friends, as their DH's work with my DH, but I don't see them everyday, and DD's morning nap clashes with every single play group in my area!

seeyounearertime Thu 02-Jun-16 13:06:48


Hi Billy, i'm Billy grin

I'm a deeply unpleasant person IRL. I have zero friends as a result.

HoggleHoggle Thu 02-Jun-16 13:26:56

I do tend to see friends often, 2 or 3 afternoons out of 4. I'm trying to cut it down though as ds is 2.5 and his speech is developing very slowly, so I think he needs more 1-1 time.

I didn't know anyone in my area so I did NCT when pregnant and have made a couple of friends though nursery (ds goes once a week) and a toddler group.

Ds goes mad if he's in the house all day, he likes a lot of fresh air, so I've been extremely proactive in meeting up etc. If he liked chilling at home I'd be in heaven grin

Lucy90 Thu 02-Jun-16 21:53:41

I have DD who is 16 months and DD2 due in July! We meet my friend and her little girl once a week and my friend from work once a week. I love having lots of time just me and DD

LadyAntonella Fri 03-Jun-16 11:44:13

I'm glad to come across this thread to see it's not just me! NO, I do not see friends every day. We have had to move around a lot due to DH's work and all my good friends and family live miles away and are dotted about the country as a result. Poor 17mo DD watches too much CBeebies at the moment - I feel terrible about it, but I just can't face going out in our new town at the moment and she seems to love watching it. We do other things in the house like cooking, colouring in, reading, running round in the garden and kicking a football about but that doesn't kill much time really and outdoor stuff quickly descends into DD eating feathers, mud, the garden plants, pouring water all over herself and needing a whole outfit change! Cooking isn't much better obviously. I'm not complaining about her behaviour at all - she is a lovely, energetic, ordinary 17mo who just likes to be active. That's what upsets me so much when we are stuck in the house. We used to go out once or twice a day to the park or shopping or just for a walk, but I've just lost the will to do it over the last couple of weeks. DD is constantly getting out of her pram when we do and generally getting frustrated and upset that she can't walk, (which she wants to do, right into oncoming traffic on a busy road). I can't drive, so we walk everywhere. We have a couple of weekly activities but they only take up so much of the week. The rest of the time we are at home and a bit bored to be honest. I'm just a bit fed up today (can you tell)? smile

Luckystar1 Fri 03-Jun-16 11:56:22

I go out every day to groups and I've made friends there so we often do things after the group (lunch or library or something). If I don't go to a group (unlikely) I meet up with friends from nct.

I need to get out, I can't sit inside as I find trying to entertain DS hard work blush. It all seems so much easier with another adult there!

Luckystar1 Fri 03-Jun-16 11:58:02

I should say, we have no family nearby, and DH works long hours so I have literally no reprieve aside from the times I'm out. They are my life line.

LadyAntonella Fri 03-Jun-16 12:00:08

Ah yeah our NCT friends are lovely. It's a shame we moved (yet again) away from ours.

LadyAntonella Fri 03-Jun-16 12:00:23

No reprieve here either.

OneTiredMummmyyy Tue 14-Jun-16 12:08:03

OP, I think your situation is normal and actually pretty healthy... I see so many mums with small children try to do too much and end up in floods of tears as they feel overwhelmed with it all. Just do what you feel comfortable with.

I try to get "out" at least once a day for a walk with my two (both under two years old), usually for a stroll in their buggy, and we do one playgroup a week. Plus one daytime playdate with another mummy friend per week / every two weeks. The rest of the time my DC play with their toys, with CBeebies in the background, and I get some bits done around the house.

I have no help at all (parents are not nearby) and no cleaner. DP works long hours.

In time, I'd like to do more with them but at the moment whilst they are both still in nappies, eating messily, one is still formula feeding, they both have 2-3 hour naps... Well, it's hard enough just doing the basics quite frankly, and I try to cut myself some slack. wink

ilovechocolate07 Mon 27-Jun-16 17:38:07

I don't see people every day. Maybe once a week I'll go for a coffee. I moved a long way away from my home town and left my job and have been a stay at home mum since December. Thankfully I enjoy my own company but I do miss adult interaction too.

Therightthing16 Sun 03-Jul-16 07:59:15

I've been lucky to grow up with same group of friends and have had children at same time. Most of us are SAHM.

pocketsized Sun 03-Jul-16 08:29:56

We move a lot with DHs work, and it's always a bit of a struggle to make new friends. Ive learnt that you really have to be proactive, be the one to suggest axtivities and invite people to do things. If not I think many people are a bit unsure, and assume you aren't interested. Its hard though, and I always find the first few months emotionaloy exhausting.

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