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Childcare not working

(2 Posts)
NooNooMummy Fri 20-Nov-15 16:13:12

Oh dear! I'm having a tearful, bad week. I need advice or some words of wisdom and this SAHP place seems v supportive! Here comes my big rant and any responses or advice will be welcome:

It's such a long story but, basically, my daughter (nearly 2) is v upset and Im worrying about her social skills. I know she's only 2...

She's always been v attached to me and her dad, we don't have much family support nearby and it's much quieter on the friends front since everyone went back to work/ I've become quite isolated... She's still breastfeeding... We've always gone out lots and done lots of baby groups since she was tiny but often there's little interaction outside the group...

She started with a childminder last month and now hates it, v traumatised at the prospect of going, crying, shouting, just doesn't want to go and I've had to abandon ship.

I think the childminder leaves the kids alone to play (safely) and my daughter just hadn't hit it off with the other 2 kids - one is older and can't understand what my daughters saying, the other one is younger and they don't seem to like each other. She really needs one to one attention and support particularly when they go to groups or the park but I don't think she's getting it and she's been getting inconsolably upset.

The childminder's now said that we might have to call it a day. I'm annoyed with her now that, after I've spent many weeks acclimatising my daughter to the childminder's home, friends, other kids, routine etc I'm going have to start from scratch somewhere else just because the childminder can't be bothered to help my daughter.

I've noticed that my daughter has started playing by herself at home much more too in the last few weeks...

She loved it at first and I really wanted her to do a bit of socialising instead of being stuck with me and for me to have a bit of time for my work (I'm self-employed).

I just want her to be happy but I do worry that she might have some social problems or that i might have caused problems for her by not socialising her enough. Or should we all just chill out?! I've read about how to spot autism/ aspergers and, honestly, she doesn't have the signs. It's just in some, unfamiliar situations that she gets v upset and/ or is withdrawn and don't we all? Surely it's perfectly normal for her to be upset and overwhelmed by a roomful of strangers when her mummy and daddy sent there with her? And she has had some v close playmates, she does talk and laugh with strangers and she can sometimes be v confident, loud and entertaining

Should I just end things with the childminder or should we persevere? I really don't want to leave her there if she's saying "No, mummy!!"

NickyEds Fri 20-Nov-15 21:42:21

That sounds very hard opsad. Tbh honest I'd be really annoyed at the cm for not being perhaps a bit more supportive. I think it's really common to have tears at drop off time but they're usually short lived and the baby settles. Is your dd unsettled for the full day?

I think that the range of "normal" wrt to interaction is huge at this age. Some 2 year olds are much quieter than others and i don't think it's necessarily a problem. My ds will be two in December and he's never been in nursery or with a childminder. He's very confident in rooms full of toddlers but he doesn't exactly play with them.

I think it's easy to worry that it's something you're doing/not doing when you're a SAHM. My ds isn't talking yet and I've been convinced it's because he's been at home with me. Hv has said that it isn't at all!

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