Does anyone find being a SAHM lonely?

[AndThisIsTrue]

I love being at home with my DS but I really struggle with the loneliness. We moved to a new city last year and I haven't really made any friends. I have the odd person I speak to at toddler group but that's it. We are pretty skint atm as well so I can't afford to do classes with ds or anything like that. Does anyone else feel like lonely at home?

[PosterEh]

I'm in a very similar position. I used to live in an area with loads of SAHM. I felt part of a community and had loads of friends as well as well as lots of people I knew by name/sight etc. Last year we moved and I haven't met a single SAHM. I've made a few friends with mums on maternity leave but they've then gone back to work. There is only one toddler group locally and it's all minders (think they would be classed as nannies in UK). Nice to talk to at groups but don't tend to be up for meeting up.
I'm waiting for my oldest to start preschool and will hopefully meet some other mums there.

[AndThisIsTrue]

Where about are you Poster? I am looking at going back to work just so I can have people to talk to!

[PosterEh]

I'm in Dublin. The area we live in is lovely but (if you're not on an expat package like us) it's very expensive to live here and most families need two salaries. Lots of yummy mummies about on mat leave but they tend to have lovely pfb babies and be a bit put off by my marauding toddlers. I think people mostly move out a bit further as their kids approach school age or they have more than one.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

Are you inviting people from toddler group back for coffee? I haven't ever met anyone who said no thanks , most people feel like you ime and are delighted for a change of scene and someone new to chat to and their kids to play with. Ime you have to be really pro active about chatting to people when you're at toddler group.

[cantbelieveimonhere]

I know it is obvious and I don't mean to be patronising, top tip: leave the house everyday.

Go to as many activities as possible. Over the summer there are likely plenty of free events e.g. community/council things. What type of toddler groups are you going to? Have you checked out Church parent and toddler groups also? They are usually free and no obligation (turn up if you can go, don't need to cancel if you can't, don't have to book a block etc) You don't need to go to the Church to attend. Over time you'll get to know other parents there, but volunteers/staff should be welcoming to new people also.

If it's a day you're not at a class just go to the local shop. Even buy one thing e.g. milk, bread etc, even there over time you get to see faces and slowly feel part of a community.

Sometimes these things take time, which isn't much use when you could do with the support now

[Wishful80smontage]

When I was on mat leave I didn't I was at baby groups and meeting up with people but as dd has got older and people have returned to work- I became a sahm and it can be.
I think it gets harder as they get a bit older- I found baby groups like sensory etc really welcoming but I don't think toddler groups are the same :( I still have play dates twice a week but when we don't have anything on its quite lonely.

[Hillijx]

Yes very lonely especially if I have only spoken to small children all day, my dh gets home and just wants to rest in silence and I follow him around with verbal diarrhoea!

[TheTravellingLemon]

Yes, incredibly lonely. I also recently moved to an unfamiliar place. Trying really hard to make friends! Getting there slowly, but some weeks the loneliness is terrible.

[MrsMarigold]

Yes it is lonely.

[hookedonamoonagedaydream]

Very lonely at times. Hardest time imo are when the DCs are ill (often with one child getting better as the next one gets sick) and leaving the house is more or less impossible.

It gets easier once they get to school and you hopefully meet other parents at drop off and pick up.

I think it also depends on what time you DH gets back from work, DH leaves before breakfast and is often out until 10/11/12 at night so I feel like a social recluse on some days.

Once youngest is at school I'll be after a term time job asap.

[Lightbulbon]

I found it painfully lonely.

I'd never voluntarily do it again, mostly for that reason.

I did go to groups but found them clique.

[PonderousTortoise]

Yes! Also moved within the last year and I now have one at school, one doing mornings at nursery - so no groups - and one on the way, so plans to go back to work delayed for a bit. DP works away so I am alone weekday evenings and can easily go a day with no adult interaction.

I can't really bear the nursery/school gate socialising any more - I find making 2mins of small talk every day and still never making friends after many months makes me feel more lonely and awful than just not talking to anyone.

The only friend I have made up here I met doing a workshop in something I was interested in - we have different age kids but just meet without kids. In my last place too the only friend I made I met randomly in the cafe, despite chatting to the same people week in week out at playgroups and so on. Is there any class/group/activity you can take yourself off to? Even if you don't meet anyone its good to do things for yourself when you're feeling a bit down.

I also have a couple of skype dates in the week, to friends and family abroad, which helps.

[lemon888]

Yes! very very lonely indeed . I really really hate housework and cooking. I hate being called housewife .

[Bodicea]

Have you tried not groups ? The ones where the mms are hosting. I find that people in nct tend to be more up for making connections with other peoplez

[Bodicea]

Sorry typo - nct groups