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Do you buy your partner a Father's Day present if you don't earn?

(25 Posts)
SlinkyB Sun 07-Jun-15 20:50:50

I just mentioned to DH that I was Father's Day gift searching online, and he said "Don't bother; I'm essentially buying myself a present...don't waste money".

It's his birthday at the end of the month too. I would normally get something little from me, and something little (beer/chocs/plant) from the kids. He's got a point, but it makes me feel shit.

SqueezyCheeseWeasel Sun 07-Jun-15 20:52:33

No, it's family money. Sod him, the selfish git doesn't deserve anything anyway.

alwaysabattle Sun 07-Jun-15 20:53:49

yes i always do but if he said this to me i certainly wouldnt

SqueezyCheeseWeasel Sun 07-Jun-15 20:54:33

BTW, I'm not a sahp but when I was, I did spend money from the pot which was obv 100% DH's earnings but that's not how it was treated.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sun 07-Jun-15 20:55:05

Yes agree with Squeezy that's a gittish thing for him to say. Not designed to make you feel great.

Having said that, unless I know Dh would really be chuffed with an expensive present which he'd adore, it tends to be just a token, socks depicting his hobby etc.

SlinkyB Sun 07-Jun-15 20:55:55

That's what we're meant to be doing; remembering it's "family money". I have to ask him to top my bank account up though, and then I will buy him a gift. Does seem weird, but we're new to all this as I've only recently stopped working.

I guess it'll take some getting used to! Oh, and his family don't celebrate Mother's Day or Father's Day as they think it's over-commercialised and a waste of money (can you tell they don't like spending money?!).

SlinkyB Sun 07-Jun-15 20:57:14

We don't do expensive presents. I was Googling pickle forks grin

howabout Sun 07-Jun-15 21:00:44

Wait until DC can make a present or make him breakfast in bed eg.

sliceofsoup Sun 07-Jun-15 21:07:31

Personally, I think fuck getting used to it. Bill him for childcare for all the hours he is at work. And the fees for the cleaning and the ironing and all the other stuff I am guessing you do now that you "don't earn."

I am a SAHM. If DH had this attitude I can tell you right now I wouldn't have married him. But I know he would never feel like that or throw it in my face.

We discuss major purchases, we have a rough budget for things like food and the bills, he lifts maybe £20 a week from the ATM for whatever he needs, I do the same. I pay the bills and do the shopping anyway, so he doesn't take much to do with it in general, but he trusts me that I am not off spending it all on me and I trust him the same. I couldn't live any other way.

Patilla Sun 07-Jun-15 21:40:33

DH's wages go into a joint account. Each month DH and I get a smallish amount which goes into our personal accounts. We don't have to account for how we spend this money but it usually goes on clothes, haircuts, excessive amounts of craft materials.
We also use this for presents for each other. So while DH has earned that money, in a sense I am sacrificing spending it on stuff I want so it feels like the gift comes from me more. And he can't see it on a bank statement before he gets the present!

SlinkyB Sun 07-Jun-15 22:19:23

Kids are 4 and 18 months, so could make something I guess.

We don't have a joint account; he just bacs transfers me money when I need it. I do food/clothes shopping; he pays mortgage, bills, insurance etc

He's well aware that me being at home is a lot cheaper than paying for nursery, and all housework and chores are pretty much split 50/50. He's anything but lazy, and is a great husband and Dad.

Breakfast in bed is a no-no as a) he doesn't like breakfast and b) he hates anyone taking food upstairs! Haha. I'm sure we can spoil him by making his favourite dinner and giving him a "day off".

morethanpotatoprints Sun 07-Jun-15 23:42:25

My dh said this when the dc were little and money was tight. he didn't mean anything by it and the Op dh might not either.
However OP one thing you need to change is him giving you money.
It isn't his to give, it's family money that should go into the same pot.
So you have a joint account and you just take what you need/want.

WinterBabyof89 Mon 08-Jun-15 22:38:47

I don't consider myself a non earner - my family earns money through DH's job. So yes I buy gifts for him
from that account, just as he does me. Although this year we're doing it on the cheap - making card, possibly a small gift.

Re: issue of joint account, I wouldn't be a SAHP without one. If I've set up home with a person & procreated with them, then sure enough I have equal access to family funds whilst I'm at home pregnant/raising DS.
It baffles me that people remain desperate financial entities whilst sharing something as personal as a family.. But I do appreciate that some people situations lend themselves to staying in such a position.

cosmicglittergirl Mon 08-Jun-15 22:42:07

I would get him something he would like but wouldn't pick up himself like new head phones or a kindle. I will probably also give him an unlimited lie in which is worth more than gold at the moment.

missnevermind Mon 08-Jun-15 22:42:41

Veering away from your topic only slightly Slinky, tonight I have used the pickle forks to eat berries grin

SlinkyB Mon 08-Jun-15 23:10:42

He's always been anti joint account for some reason, I might try and talk to him about it again. It does seem to be v.important to most sahp's on MN. We've been together for almost seven years, living together for six, and always had separate accounts.

cosmic funny you should suggest headphones - I've just noticed he's sporting a new pair of funky Bluetooth headphones! He only got them today. Typical. He already has a Nook which he loves, but thanks for your suggestions.

missnever which pickle fork?! Do you recommend? I'm looking at a stainless steel telescopic one on Amazon for about a fiver ... blush

clarehoppy Wed 10-Jun-15 11:19:48

I've been a stay at home mammy for a year now smile in the same boat as you but don't worry what he says just get him a little something, card and like you said a nice dinner smile
my dh and i don't have a joint account (we have one each) but i do have a card for his account so after budgeted outgoing are done from both i can spend from his as there is never anything left in mine after bills etc. just an idea for you maybe smile

SocietyClowns Wed 10-Jun-15 11:23:35

What's wrong with just a card?

holmessweetholmes Wed 10-Jun-15 11:40:51

Surely you don't get him something from you as well as the dc - he's not your dad! My dc (7 and 9) make dh something usually and make him a card too. Personal, genuinely from them, costs pretty much nothing.

SlinkyB Wed 10-Jun-15 13:46:18

They are great suggestions ClareHoppy - esp about having a bank card for his current account. Seems a good compromise. Thank you!

Society nothing wrong with just a card, it's just that I've always bought him a little something too (and I love getting chocs and flowers for Mother's Day, so would seem like double-standards if he just got a card).

holmes, sorry for confusion, I wrote in the OP that it's his birthday at the end of the month too. I meant I'd get him something from me then, not on Father's Day.

holmessweetholmes Wed 10-Jun-15 16:21:00

Ah sorry SlinkyB - I misunderstood!

SlinkyB Wed 10-Jun-15 19:55:13

I didn't write very clearly to be fair! blush

MrsPear Wed 17-Jun-15 10:52:01

I know this is an older thread but what about the child benefit? Even if earns over then you should have it in your name for NIcredits. This is the money I use for h's presents and bits for myself.

SlinkyB Wed 17-Jun-15 13:21:11

MrsPear you genius! Yes I get CHB paid into my bank account, so can justify spending a whole £3.75 on a pickle fork some money on him when I want to grin

missnevermind Fri 19-Jun-15 16:45:43

Sorry Slinky these are what I am using. Not fancy at all I am afraid.

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