i feel lost(8 Posts)
I need help. Im a sahm who doesnt get a break. I feel terrible when i get aggitated and feel trapped. My lo is 15 months old so im certain its not post pardum but im almost all ways depressed, aggitated, exhausted. My SO isnt home much and when he is the LO completely ignores me and throws huge fits whenever he leaves the room. Lately iv been extremely angry because i cant get a job or a break from being a parent and my SO and i have been getting into some pretty nasty fights after the LO goes to sleep. I dont know what to do anymore. Im at my wits end and my mother takes a harsh stance whenever i ask her for advice and reminds me that of course i dont know how to be a mother because i wasnt raised with one. I feel so alone.
it may well be PPD kasandra, mine didnt hit until my dd was 8mo and it took until she was 2 for me to do anything about it.
Do you get any kind of break at all? Any time to yourself? How much does your SO do when he is at home? How about sleep or time with friends? Do you take your LO out to any groups?
Sorry for all the questions, i want to help, but other than the following bit of advice, i can't really do anymore without some more specifics.
Please do go and talk to your GP, if you feel depressed, then the exhaustion and agitation you're feeling will be magnified and he/she might be able to help you at least get on top of it a bit better and then you might be more able to cope with everything else
No breaks no me time, not even bathroom breaks wothout an earth shattering fit. He doesn't know how to be a parent so not much and im the one who gets up to check on her at night and all that. None of my friends who live close by have kids and the ones that do are a long way away. Ive tried a young children parenting group but all the women were so peppy and upbeat and i couldnt click with any of them.
Hi, didn't want to read and run - what does your Mum mean? I don't understand that?
It is relentless, do you have any family or anyone close by? The baby group circuit does need determination, it is unusual to feel like you click straight away and some SAHM's decide to give them a miss completely (depends on your location and how many are availably I guess)
Are you in the UK? You sound very down, it would be worth talking to GP as I agree it could easily be PND
Do you get out at all? With Ds1 I found some great friends through a mother and baby group but moved 100 miles away. Then I had Ds2 and couldn't click with anyone in the new area. They were all in little groups and weren't very welcoming.
Instead I went to soft play places, Ds2 got to play with other children/in a ball pit etc and I had a coffee and breathed a sigh of relief for just being able to drink a coffee without a child climbing up my legs.
Just getting out of the house can help, a change of scene plus the weather will be getting better.
Stop turning to your mother if she is just negative, unless you want to call her on her negativity.
When I had a particularly bad day Dh would come home and I would hand over the children and pop out for 30 minutes. That way, I got time for me, I didn't have to hear any tantrums or feel that I needed to wade in. If you remove yourself then your SO has to deal with whatever is thrown at him. You can't switch off completely if you are there to hear it.
Or send him to the park with the LO and have a bath, enjoy the peace.
It's hard. I did so much walking listening to my iPod. The exercise was a great stress reliever and he often slept which gave me a break. I also listened to the news a lot, or chat radio, to keep in touch with the outside world. Could you join an evening exercise class?
Where are you? Sounds like you could use something like Homestart. (lovely volunteer ladies to play with dc whilst you rock in a corner)
Otherwise, visit your local churches and find out if there are any coffee mornings that welcome kids, soft play sessions, messy church - that sort of thing. A couple of my local churches had stuff going on that kept me sane when mine were that age - and of course you don't have to be religious to go.
Aww i really feel for you! Ive been there myself after my dd was born and my ds was 19 month (who has ASD). Its over whelming, hard and gets you down!
1) (as above all say), see your GP. It will really helped
2) get out with your dd. You probably don't even want to but try. Go to the park, go to the library, a caffe with a kids area, soft play to the shops. Any where at least once a day. This will break up the day for you and your dd.
3) you need to sit and really talk to your other half about how you are feeling. You need his support.
4) meet up with friends and family when you can.
5) you MUST have some time to your self!!! Leave her with your other half and get out of the house for half hour, Put her to bed and have a nice long bath, get your other half to take her out somewhere for a couple of hours once a week so you can have some time to yourself.
6) it will get better
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