Deep breath - rejoining - farming support

[Vegasbaby2019]

Hi peeps, I've just rejoined MN after a 7 yr hiatus and wondered if anyone from the 2017 Farming Folk thread was here, or if there are any other farmers/partners of farmers here?

I realise from the outside it looks idyllic but I'm really struggling at the moment with the cold, wet, shit/silage in my washing machine and my hubby's relentless hours.

Is there anyone else in the same boat, or know if there are other support groups out there?

Thank you 😊

[HighInTheHills]

🙋‍♀️ farmers wife here and fairly sure I remember that farming folk thread!

We are arable and broilers, so now is our quiet time of year (if there's ever such a thing as "quiet" when farming is involved! 😂) so not silage and cowshit in my washing machine but grain and mud, and today it is chicken shit too as they've been cleaning out the sheds ready for changeover.

'Farm Wives UK' and 'The Artful Farmer's Wife' are both fantastic farming Facebook groups full of wonderful women in exactly the same boat. They have been my absolute lifeline over the last few years and a fab way to get to know other local farmers wives too. There are also a number of spin off groups from AFW - eg one for baking etc.

Whereabouts in the country do you farm? We are in Shropshire. I have three little ones; 5, 3 and 4mo 😊

[Vegasbaby2019]

Thank you for replying so quickly High. I'm also high in the hills but on the Yorkshire border halfway up a Pennine. We're (well hubby) is a sheep farmer, I attempt to go out to work and generally fail at managing any sort of domestic order.

And chicken muck? Lovely

I'm actually fairly well entrenched here, 10 years, and hubby has been here all his life. Everyone else seems to be coping though (there are few wives that go out to work) and I'm a bit embarrassed to admit I'm not coping.

I will definitely look up those FB groups though and see where they take me, thank you 😊

[HighInTheHills]

Don't be embarrassed, it is bloody hard work being married to a farmer. As you well know, farming isn't a job it's a way of life and the farm always comes first. It has huge upsides but it's also hugely shit as well! How things appear from the outside is often not what they are from the inside, you only have to read the posts on the aforementioned groups to realise you're far from the only one in the situation.

I have been a SAHM for the last five years and (this year notwithstanding) there are often weeks when I don't leave the farm at all. I wouldn't change the way we live for the world but it doesn't stop it being bloody hard.

My DH left at 7am this morning whilst the kids and I were still asleep, popped home for five mins mid-morning to relight the Aga which had gone out, typically on the coldest snowiest day we've had this year, whilst I bit my lip about the fact he'd traipsed chicken shit across the clean kitchen floor at the same time 😬, he got home at 7, shovelled dinner down, showered, said goodnight to the kids and was asleep on the bed by 7.30 he's so knackered. On the plus side I am now also snuggled up in bed with a hot chocolate as the house is bloody freezing and at least I haven't got to listen to tractor videos on YouTube all evening! 😂

I know my situation isn't quite the same as yours, but I've always found it reassuring to know other women have it exactly the same with their farmers!

Do you have friends locally who are farm wives? My friends who are also married to farmers are the ones who keep me sane with a chance to grumble and have someone fully understand. Friends who are not married to farmers may empathise, and that is lovely they do, but cannot truly understand what it's like.

I honestly couldn't recommend those two FB groups more though, they are just fabulous!

[Vegasbaby2019]

Why is it always on the coldest day of the year? We've had no heating or hot water since Christmas day. I've put the baby to bed in her 9 year old sister's thermal leggings and a fleece as she's the only one without an electric blanket. It was 10c in my bedroom last night. If my electric blanket breaks I'm leaving.

Oh and its side-by-side and land-rover video reviews here, and Minder on ITV4

And its very reassuring to hear I'm not alone, thank you, I really appreciate it. You're right about the relentless nature of farming, for all of those involved.

[HighInTheHills]

Another lover of electric blankets here! Yes it is sod's law these things always break when it's coldest! Thankfully now re-lit so kitchen will be warm by morning, but I feel your pain with no hot water and young children!

Enjoy your landrover reviews - a classic way to spend an evening! Spend all day farming, and then spend any available 'free' time doing farming related things too - very much the same in our household!

[Vegasbaby2019]

Thank you, its reassuring to know that it's not just me. Although I'm not sure that's the best thing for all of us...

I contacted an acquaintance who is a rural advisor and she has instantly swung into practical action suggesting ways we could meet and chat, without the kids knowing something's wrong.

She also recommended those groups so I'm definitely on a fb trawl.

[TheFnozwhowasmirage]

I don't know if I was on the original group,but I'm a farmer in Leicestershire. We have sheep and suckler beef cattle. DH is not a farmer and has nothing to do with that side of things. I farm with my extended family,dad,uncle, aunt cousins and sister. We bought the first lot of sheep in prior to lambing at the end of February,last week,so it's the calm before the storm at the moment. I'm trying to repair fencing,cut back brambles and do other maintenance before lambing starts. I'm so so glad that the shortest day is over,I loathe winter. This time last year we were living in a touring caravan while we were waiting for our new house to arrive,so this winter has been so much easier,despite the cold.

[TheFnozwhowasmirage]

I can recommend the FB groups 'Ladies & Livestock' and 'Ladies who love livestock'. They are a great form of support as they understand that farming isn't just a job,and the pressures of work,family ect that can occur. They are both closed groups too,I think,so things can't be shared outside of the group.