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I always feel so ridiculously alone.

(50 Posts)
Hurr1cane Sat 14-Jun-14 19:47:30

I don't know what's wrong with me at the moment but I just feel so shit and sad all the time. I live on my own with my little boy who has ASC, severe learning disabilities and an array of health problems. He's the best thing to ever happen to me. But I still feel really alone.

I have no family up here, my mum moved us about all over the UK chasing after men when we were kids and ended up staying where we are, near her family. But when DS was diagnosed with all his challenges they were all vile about him. So I don't talk to any of them anymore.

My dads family are ace, but all live miles away. They phone me once a week but it just isn't 'enough' if you know what I mean. I'd love to move to be closer to them but DSs dad is here and I don't want him to go through what I did when I was a child. I want him to have his dad near him.

I have a DP who I've been with a couple of years now but can only really see him once a week, we are rarely intimate as he's always really tired.

I have friends ish. But they all have children with disabilities and their own families so I don't see them often either.

I can't work because of the level of DSs needs so I'm just in the house or taking DS to places he likes.

You don't actually have to reply to this I just want a cry. I'm completely sick of life at the moment.

Wishfulmakeupping Sat 14-Jun-14 19:52:02

I here and listening, I'm not sure what advice I can give you but it sounds like you are a fab mum really trying hard so let yourself have a cry if you need to xxx

yummytummy Sat 14-Jun-14 19:53:25

Hi just wanted to say ur not alone. I feel exactly the same. Single parent no family support at all and ex is a complete wanker who moved in with a new woman a few weeks after we broke up after a 20 year relationship. So yup another who is sick of life but I guess it can only get better right? I just live a day at a time and try and do one tiny nice thing a day like sitting with a coffee for two mins or a shower with my fancy shower gel. Sounds small but does help. But yeah its def not just u x

Hurr1cane Sat 14-Jun-14 19:55:41

DSs birthday is coming up and although DP has taken the day off work, it's just going to be me, DP and DS. Not much of a party for him is it? I feel like a shit mum who can't even give him a proper family.

On Christmas I have DS in the morning to open his presents and send him to his dads for the rest of the day for a proper family Christmas because I can't offer him that. Then I just sit at home on my own wishing I could.

foadmn Sat 14-Jun-14 20:02:32

i can't do anything except send you love and hugs. i believe in God so i'll pray for you.

three people is enough for a party, two people is enough, if there is love.

i used to spend Christmas afternoons alone, too, while daughter was with her dad's family. you get used to it.

more love, sister. [that's a Shaker greeting. it came to mind]

Wishfulmakeupping Sat 14-Jun-14 20:04:17

Please don't be hard on yourself OP you really are doing an amazing job by the sounds of it but I know sometime we can't see how well we are doing ourselves. I agree with yummy try to be kind to yourself and do something nice whenever you get a chance to xx

Walkacrossthesand Sat 14-Jun-14 20:09:28

Just a thought - is there any way some Christmases could be with your dad & his family? Just a couple of days, maybe Xmas eve/ Xmas day, coming back in the afternoon so DS's dad can pick him up for a 2nd Christmas? It's nice to have something to look forward to as winter sets in.

Hurr1cane Sat 14-Jun-14 20:28:51

It would be nice but DS wouldn't cope with the travelling and change at such an exciting time hmm we are working up to maybe visiting them in the summer if he's up to it though. I do like the fact that he still gets a good family Christmas and I'm really happy that he has all of his dads side. I'm just a bit sad that I can't give him that as well.

Hurr1cane Sat 14-Jun-14 20:29:06

Thanks for all the lovely replies by the way smile

Parsley1234 Sat 14-Jun-14 20:34:15

Sending you love it's just me and my beautiful ds. I feal sometimes I can't give him a great family as I have no family so he ends up going to his dads but I know I do the best I can and sounds like you do too. Must be really hard with your sons additional needs too I'm really sorry it sounds tough.i hope you manage to visit your dads family xx

springydaffs Sun 15-Jun-14 07:37:45

I'm sorry things are so hard for you xx

I'm at the other end of parenting (kids grown) and in hindsight I did too many things 'for the sake of the children' which left me impoverished in one way or another. I'd say that if you are suffering because of your situ then your boy will be suffering too - and to that end I would seriously consider moving to be closer to your dad's family.

superstarheartbreaker Sun 15-Jun-14 07:51:17

What springy daffy yet. Is his dad a good dad anyway?

superstarheartbreaker Sun 15-Jun-14 07:51:30

Said even!

Hurr1cane Sun 15-Jun-14 10:02:32

His dad and his dads family are fantastic and are a massive part of his life. He has contact with them regularly and it's my only form of respite. I would never get over the guilt of moving him that far away from his family. I just couldn't do it. I get that other people do but there will be different circumstances and reasons

springydaffs Sun 15-Jun-14 13:22:51

Half his family - the family that are making your life miserable. Do please consider the effect of this on you, therefore the effect on your son . Really, that's how it goes.

Hurr1cane Sun 15-Jun-14 13:46:45

His dads family aren't making my life miserable. I probably wasn't clear, my mums family are.

springydaffs Sun 15-Jun-14 14:06:31

I would still consider moving for your sake, therefore your boy's sake <goes on, sorry>

Honestly, it seems so clear to me, now it's all over for me, that mothers, especially currently, lay down their life for their children, to the mother's huge detriment - therefore the children's detriment. I'm not talking about doing precisely what we like, just looking at the main building blocks: your situation is making you very unhappy. Perhaps have a look at the 'guilt', pick it apart, put it under the microscope...

There are so many things I could have done but didn't 'for the sake of the children'. As a result I was ultimately miserable - and that had a direct impact on my kids (though I didn't see that at the time).

Do you visit your dad's side of the family for extended periods? xx

SavoyCabbage Sun 15-Jun-14 14:14:52

There's a huge difference between all the moving that your mum did as a child and you and your ds making a move to live nearer your dad and family. It's not the same. You would be doing it in a considered way.

I've emigrated and we have nobody here. It's crushingly lonely. If I could go home, I'd do it today.

My mum told me, that you can't always be sacrificing your own happiness for your children. Because if you do then your children's mother will be unhappy and that is far more likely to have an affect on them than other things.

Please think about moving.

Hurr1cane Sun 15-Jun-14 14:15:55

But then I'd lose DP as well hmm I love DP. We don't live together but I've known him forever and we've been together a good couple of years

Twinklestein Sun 15-Jun-14 14:19:22

How come you only get to see your DP once a week?

SavoyCabbage Sun 15-Jun-14 14:20:34

How come you only see him once a week at the moment? And how far is it from where you are now to where your dad lives?

GungHo Sun 15-Jun-14 14:28:26

I love springy. A long-time poster and so wise.

Hurr1cane Sun 15-Jun-14 14:32:48

Because he works a lot, and he works evenings so he will start work at about 3pm and work till 1-3am. So if he works 5 days a week (when sometimes to be honest it's 7 days) then he's got one day with me and one day to socialise with his friends.

Hurr1cane Sun 15-Jun-14 14:33:10

It's miles away from my dad. 8 hours drive.

germinal Sun 15-Jun-14 14:33:28

hurricane you sound so lovely and so selfless making the tough decision to be near your little boys df. I think it sounds like you have absolutely made the right, "child focused" decision. Your little boy will be all the better for having such a mum, who supports his strong relationship with his father.

Am so sorry you feel lonely sad. I hope you find a way through that. Xxx

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