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What is this and how would you deal with it?

(53 Posts)
Sparklysilversequins Thu 17-Oct-13 22:38:49

You're going out for the day and your DP is irritable. So he says things like:-

"brushed your teeth kids?" kids say not yet, DP says in a shocked voice "really?! Well that should part of your daily routine, does Mummy not tell you to do it every day because you really should know that by now". Accompanied by tutting and head shaking.


"have you got your coats kids? No? Well we really should be taking a ruck sack with all these things in YOU shouldn't have to worry about this! Do you usually not take one with you? Tut tut" head shaking.


"yes we are going to have to rush now kids because we are leaving twenty minutes later than we said we would because Mummy had a bath, so let's be quick.". (Mummy has got herself and two dc ready while daddy got himself ready).

How would you respond to this? Thanks.

BunnyLebowski Thu 17-Oct-13 22:41:20

I believe the technical term is

Being a passive aggressive cunt.

ImperialBlether Thu 17-Oct-13 22:41:48

I'd respond by visiting a solicitor. My ex BIL was like this - I never understood why my lovely SIL stayed with him. She became a shadow of her former self.

Sparklysilversequins Thu 17-Oct-13 22:41:49


BelleDameSansMerci Thu 17-Oct-13 22:41:50

I'd ask why he's being such a passive aggressive arse...

Why is parenting Mummy's job? Is he not equally responsible?

ImperialBlether Thu 17-Oct-13 22:42:15

But yes, it's passive aggressive behaviour. Horrible.

ImperialBlether Thu 17-Oct-13 22:42:49

It's gaslighting, too, as he's persuading his own family that things aren't actually as they are.

ScaryFucker Thu 17-Oct-13 22:43:46

This passive aggressive arsefuckery

I wouldn't "deal with it" because that infers acceptance. It would stop, or his backside out the door.

ScaryFucker Thu 17-Oct-13 22:44:09

This is

BunnyLebowski Thu 17-Oct-13 22:44:27

If you haven't already done so, tell him to stop doing it. He's being an immature wanker and is criticising you to your kids.

Are there reasons he can't do the tasks he's criticising you for?? Is he this horrible in all aspects of your relationship?

A verbal toe up the hole might be the best place to start.

Sparklysilversequins Thu 17-Oct-13 22:44:35

This isn't me by the way but I have witnessed it many times in a family members relationship. They end up having big screaming rows but she says she cannot put a name to what he is doing hence other family members think she is overreacting and hysterical sad. I DON'T. I just wanted a name for it to tell her. I said PA as well but wasn't sure it was quite right.

BunnyLebowski Thu 17-Oct-13 22:46:05

That's horrible Sparkly sad

The poor woman is being severely gaslighted.

What a cunt. She should get rid.

Sparklysilversequins Thu 17-Oct-13 22:46:35

Hr doesn't do any parenting imo but thinks he does when he is pulling her up for all the "mistakes" she's making.

Glenshee Thu 17-Oct-13 22:57:16

This is so bad it really makes me physically sick to picture these scenes sad

ImperialBlether Thu 17-Oct-13 22:57:53

I'm glad he isn't your husband - he sounds really horrible.

Glenshee Thu 17-Oct-13 22:59:17

How awful to be undermined like this, for no reason, and with no warning. I bet Mommy has anxiety attacks as a result, which are all her problem too! confused

onefewernow Thu 17-Oct-13 23:00:31

Yep. Total PA asshole.

Sparklysilversequins Thu 17-Oct-13 23:00:44

She had a nervous breakdown a couple of years ago glenshee sad.

Your posts are extremely helpful, I will be showing them to her.

Sparklysilversequins Thu 17-Oct-13 23:02:01

ALL of your posts that is.

Glenshee Thu 17-Oct-13 23:07:39

You're welcome Sparklysilversequins. So sad sad

ilovebowie Thu 17-Oct-13 23:13:53

I would record the next load of shit that comes out of his petulant, lemon pouty lips and ask him he thinks that was acceptable?

What a ridiculous man.

ImperialBlether Thu 17-Oct-13 23:14:47

I think one piece of advice I'd be giving her is to record him, without telling him, because that sort of thing makes you feel like you're going mad. Later he will tell her she's wrong to think he's said anything like that, so hearing the recording again will confirm her sanity.

ImperialBlether Thu 17-Oct-13 23:15:07

Cross post, bowie!

PedantMarina Thu 17-Oct-13 23:17:40

Tell her to LTB. From me.

Sparklysilversequins Thu 17-Oct-13 23:22:46

"petulant, lemon pouty lips" grin

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