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Please come and help me to stop mooning over this totally inappropriate man

(39 Posts)
sillysillySILLYgirl Tue 10-Sep-13 13:18:02

I am a silly silly girl.

I've been single for two years following a horrible marriage breakdown. And I love it. I've had a few dalliances with men, some one night stands and its great, not looking for a relationship at all, or so I thought.

Enter (we'll call him Mark). Mark who is at least 9 years younger than me (early twenties), who floored this independent happily single woman from the first second I saw him, Mark who looks like something that just walked out of GQ magazine, Mark who doesn't text from one week to the next but who is so good in bed you may as well discount any other sex you ever will or have had. And i'm not exaggerating. But he is a dick. A complete dick. But the sex, I honestly didn't know sex could be so...just wow. So we have a few tumultuous months of heavy sex mixed in with him disappearing/not calling/not turning up to dates and then turning back up for another wild week. Mark who managed to convince me that it was fun not being exclusive with each other and "who actually needs a relationship?" And I went along with it hmm. I'm not joking, I turned into a silly little girl waiting for a man to call and bless her with his cock.

Until the day he finally doesn't turn up for good and texts to say he's met someone he's fallen in love with and didn't we have such a good time and he hopes we can be friends.

And months go by and I felt like someone had taken my favorite xmas present away and I sulked and sulked and my friends constantly had hmm that look on their faces.

This is NOT ME. I have a career, a really good one! I manage a house and children and I sit on committees for gods sake! And i'm sat around sulking in my PJ's.

And then yesterday 4 months after I last saw or heard from him....yesterday I come out of work and hear a wolf whistle over the carpark...and there he was. In all his glorious, sexy, big cock, shag me now lent against my car self. And what did I do? Did I flip him the bird and stalk off? Did I come out with some sassy comeback and drive off with some strong woman music blasting out of my car? legs turned to jelly, I actually fucking SIMPERED and an hour later we are having sex at his house. He's newly single and the girlfriend didn't work out and I actually drove home from his shouting 'you stupid stupid stupid GIRL' at myself. The best bit is after the sex, when he says "oh I changed my number and cant remember it but i'll drop it into you soon yeah" angry hmm.

Why why why has this man got such a hold on me. Shake me or something and shout at me to tell him to do one. THIS is only ever going one way and I know why the hell can't I just tell him im not interested?

sillysillySILLYgirl Tue 10-Sep-13 13:28:31

So the fact that nobody has replied means I should totally carry on sleeping with him....?

If he calls, which he wont.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Tue 10-Sep-13 13:29:11

you know the answer yourself!

But only you can do it!

cantthinkofagoodone Tue 10-Sep-13 13:32:40

Do you want him to want more or are you happy with sex whenever he wants it? How about when you want it? Or do you want the drinks and dinner first?

Fuck-buddies are okay but surely that should be reciprocal.

Spree Tue 10-Sep-13 13:36:42

No advice but wish I was single and having the mind blowing sex ...

He sounds like sex on legs

simpleth1ngs Tue 10-Sep-13 13:39:32

Ha. Are you actually quite enjoying yourself? Don't beat yourself up if so!

mcmooncup Tue 10-Sep-13 13:40:33

I can't help because excellent sex with a GQ model would have me behaving the same way too I'm pretty sure confused

LividofLondon Tue 10-Sep-13 13:41:08

I blame hormones, pheromones, gorgeousness, or the elusive intense sexual chemistry. Singularly they are resistible with will-power, but a combination of the 4...well... Damn them! wink

magicstar1 Tue 10-Sep-13 13:41:41

Nothing wrong with a f*ck buddy, but you have to know that's all it will be. I had one for a while but I was in control...I rang when I wanted and arranged to meet etc. I also told him a couple of times "Sure you're something to do to pass the time" - all jokingly of course, but we were of the same frame of mind. I finished it when I met DH.

It can work out great but you have to realise it won't go anywhere else.

sillysillySILLYgirl Tue 10-Sep-13 13:42:16

I don't want a relationship with him at all.

I don't know WHAT i want from him. I don't want him to have such a ridiculous hold over me that I would put up with being stood up blush, yes I did that!

Any other man I would've flipped off without a second glance. And this is going to sound so big headed so please realise that I do know how it sounds, but i'm just not use to being the one doing the chasing. I've never been dumped or stood up and men do call when they say they will, and i'm the one who says I don't want a relationship and walks away.

And he is the complete opposite and it got me hook line and sinker. HOW embarrasing.

peggotty Tue 10-Sep-13 13:43:48


sillysillySILLYgirl Tue 10-Sep-13 13:44:31

And he was actually leaning against my car. Leaning against my car with a smug, sexy, i'm back shag me now grin on his face.

I should move.

peggotty Tue 10-Sep-13 13:47:03

Look you're not a girl, you're a woman. Either just go with it or get a grip. You do sound like you're enjoying it actually and your op has a rather dramatic rom-com flair to it (not suggesting it's not true btw). If he's stopping you enjoying your life or putting you off other potentially more er, adult relationships then you know what to do.

sillysillySILLYgirl Tue 10-Sep-13 13:50:16

Peggoty. I know, I KNOW how it sounds.

And i can see in myself that i'm all giddy and stupid because he's back BUT I also know he wont be for long and then I really won't be happy and giddy.

niceupthedance Tue 10-Sep-13 13:53:15

Sillysilly the way you have written this is hilarious! Sounds like you're worried about when he pisses off again though. Can you beat him to it and attempt to find someone else to moon over?

DuchessFanny Tue 10-Sep-13 13:54:51

Yeah I've been there !
Didn't recognise myself when I was with him, didn't help that all my mates were ' phwoaaaar you lucky, lucky cow'
In all honesty I look back and I'm glad I did it, I totally gave in to my own pleasure ( and his obvs !) whenever he deemed to turn up !!
I knew it wouldn't amount to anything and I knew it would end somewhere and it did, as it will for you.
I'm probably not saying the right thing but just bloody enjoy it while it lasts ! When you're old and grey you'll look back and the sex memories will prob put a bit of colour in your cheeks and a spring in your step !

I should probably point out that I am madly in love and lust with DH so this is easy for me to say !!!

Woodenpeg Tue 10-Sep-13 14:03:21

Love it. Sorry, but I do.

I've been in your shoes, and now when I look back and smile. A LOT.

It's bloody FUN. It's really frustrating, and there is nothing you can do about it. He will have that effect on a great deal of women. His age especially, but clearly not exclusively.

Enjoy the way he makes you feel for what it is. Or cut contact... either way one day you will look on this and it will make you smile.

For what it's worth, after not speaking to my young hot thing for a few years, he got back in contact. I was ready then, things were on my terms... it felt great. Because I didn't really care... still makes me smile!

Good luck OP and enjoy the next time!

sillysillySILLYgirl Tue 10-Sep-13 14:40:56

duchess and woodenpeg. YES, I was just getting to the oh well it was fun whilst it lasted part. And then he shows up.

Another month and i'd of told him where to get off this is a lie

DuchessFanny Tue 10-Sep-13 14:52:43

this is a lie grin

cloudskitchen Tue 10-Sep-13 15:12:12

He's using you (clearly) which is fine if your using him back and therefore reciprocal but I think you feel more than that for him and thats why you cursed yourself on the way home. You need to shift it more into your terms. Try saying no next time and see how you feel smile

FetchezLaVache Tue 10-Sep-13 15:13:59

Condoms, woman, is all I have to say on the subject.

(faintly jealous)

meditrina Tue 10-Sep-13 15:23:09

You're not a girl, you're a grown woman and you can have a fuck buddy if you want one.

Just don't kid yourself that you're anything more than a fallback. Always use a condom, and STI testing if you get carried away.

KatieScarlett2833 Tue 10-Sep-13 16:34:24

Shag him now but do not stop the real man search.
When you find a good un, you will walk away with a smile ( albeit bow legged).
And can I also have a go when you're done with him, please?

Guccidayoneday Tue 10-Sep-13 16:40:53

Sillysilly your post has made me chuckle. He sounds just fantastic! All the fun without the picking up the smelly socks! Enjoy yourself, when your old and wrinkly you can look back with a huge smile!

scrazy Tue 10-Sep-13 16:47:31

FB's are OK as such, it wouldn't do for me as I prefer to do something beforehand. However, he should respect you for what it is and not jerk you around by standing you up etc.

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