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Am I being emotionally abused very confused :/

(150 Posts)
Inthefog Thu 01-Aug-13 09:30:40

I'm a member but have name changed for this.
My husband has basically been caught cyber cheating on me a few times these were a few years ago but i only found out recently.
He was also flirting and messaging women at work all this info was drop fed to me over the past two years.
Which is why I think I'm still here he is the last person you would think would cheat although he says he never cheated physically the stuff I read and found was disgusting.
February he smashed the house up because I went out without him smashed up my things.
Recently his behaviour has gotten worse he constantly checks my phone and logs into my Facebook accuses me of having affairs and looking at other men.
A few nights ago I went out to watch a show and he said he wanted sex when I got home , my younger sister wanted to stay over and he went ballistic like a lunatic going mad saying 'he wanted pussy' and how would he get it with my sister here. He argued on me for a good hour over this in the end my sister did not stay.

When I got home he got out of bed and sat waiting for me I said I didn't want it had been at work all day and had been out and was tired but he jus wouldn't listen said he wanted it etc. I ended up just walking upstairs like a robot and lay there I didn't want it an after he goes that doesn't count what just happened you made me feel like I raped you.
The sex thing is a constant thing that happens I say no but he still gets his way and I end up doing it.

He blows up for the slightest thing he's meant to be going out next week with his friends and our children are staying in Wales with their nan I said I might go out to but he just went mental over it saying I can't go
Out. I'm taking the piss thinking I can go
Out again and he would rather us go out together instead as he feels he can't go out now as he will be worrying where I am all night.
We went to a wedding and he accused me of looking a other men all might an had a huge row when we got home.

He never used to be like this but since I caught him out with his cheating he's just getting worse he actually told me the other day he wa going to burn my face with acid if I leave him so I'm scarred for life.
He made out it was a joke afterwards but it was far from funny to me. He sits there staring at me even while I watch TV and when I ask him to stop he says he does it because I'm so beautiful.
The other night we were watching something and a woman was being drowned and again he said he was going to do that to me.
Just last night he Said if I ever leave him thy he will stab me in the face.
I went to bed early and he was moaning about that and started arguing on me again about next weekend he said its my fault and I know how to push his buttons.

I start to dread him coming home he's like a man possessed with me I'm so bloody embarrassed I don't know how it's got to this after ten years together.
I feel like its maybe this is normal and Im blowing it up an making it worse than what it is.
I never thought I would stay with someone who cheated like this but thought we could get past it but if anything his behaviour has got worse.

He blows up over the slightest thing I do that upsets him an he he said he's wrote down everytime I've gone out. He really treats me likes sex object a lot to and says derogatory things to me.
He's not the man I married I'm 27 now I feel trapped I just want to get out but I've got no where to go and he puts on such a nice act all the time I'm really confused of what he's doing is normal or not.

I know this is a ramble but had to tell someone what's going on thank you

YvyB Thu 01-Aug-13 09:40:21

Shit. That is not normal. Please tell someone in RL and have a safety plan. Try the police too. My xh started to become violent, threatened to kill me. They took it very seriously and gave me good advice. Please tell someone today.

LuisSuarezTeeth Thu 01-Aug-13 09:49:58

Yes this is abuse. Get help now all I can see is red flags.

clam Thu 01-Aug-13 09:50:11

Him cheating is the least of your problems.
Get out. NOW.

Inthefog Thu 01-Aug-13 09:53:43

YvY do you think he could physically turn violent? He's never hit me before but he also had never smashed the house up before either. He said if I leave him he will kill himself he's not got many friends and isn't close to his family i feel guilty that i will leave him with no one. I told a friend about the physical violence threats but she said he's only saying it as he doesn't want to lose me.

LuisSuarezTeeth Thu 01-Aug-13 09:54:18

Look at this thread

Lots of helpful links. Talk to Women's Aid as soon as you can. This sounds like a ticking time bomb hugs to you OP x

LuisSuarezTeeth Thu 01-Aug-13 09:56:14

Just because he hasn't hit you, does not mean this is not abuse. He is ticking just about every box associated with a domestic abuser. Please make a safety plan. Have you got friends or family to support you?

LuisSuarezTeeth Thu 01-Aug-13 09:58:08

Well done for talking about it, it's not easy. Hopefully others with more advice will be along soon.

amessagetoyouYoni Thu 01-Aug-13 10:03:55

Yes, you are being abused. This behaviour is appaling and you do not deserve it.

Do contact Womens Aid. Good luck x

glenthebattleostrich Thu 01-Aug-13 10:04:18

Please call Womens Aid. He is emotionally and sexually abusing you. And yes, I do think it will lead to physical abuse too.

From your messages this is what I read:

He believes your body is there at his disposal, you don't matter as long as he can get a fuck. He is using this to show you that you belong to him.

He is trying to isolate you from your friends

He is bullying you

He is threatening you

I'm sorry if I sound harsh but you do need to see this is not normal and your children can't grow up thinking this is. For your and their safety you need to break away from him.

Inthefog Thu 01-Aug-13 10:06:56

Yes I have got family I couldn't stay with them though not long term anyway. At the moment I feel like he's a pressure cooker that's the only way to describe it. He acts so nice though people wouldn't think this of him. Feel like I'm going mad or something.

LuisSuarezTeeth Thu 01-Aug-13 10:08:58

You are not going mad. Have you got children?

Inthefog Thu 01-Aug-13 10:10:36

Yes three children Luis

artychick Thu 01-Aug-13 10:11:03

get out now and report his threats to the police. I would be taking it very seriously. stabbing and acid disfigurement threats? I am utterly shocked

Inthefog Thu 01-Aug-13 10:12:49

Glen you are right I feel like an object to him I feel I'm losing sense of what is normal in a relationship and it's been gradual you know but getting worse

Inthefog Thu 01-Aug-13 10:14:33

You see your shocked but I told someone what he said and they said 'but e wouldn't do it , he's just saying it' makes me feel like its normal.

LuisSuarezTeeth Thu 01-Aug-13 10:17:40

Fog, the person is wrong. Protect yourself and your children, I know how hard it is to get your head round.

I know you feel like you are about to do something enormous. You are, and you CAN.

How is he with the DC?

LuisSuarezTeeth Thu 01-Aug-13 10:18:23

Don't wait for him to do something physical before you act.

clam Thu 01-Aug-13 10:18:50

So the person you told has got even lower standards?
Leave. Please.

Interesting that you say he hasn't got many friends.

lollylaughs Thu 01-Aug-13 10:22:28

Not only emotionally, but sexually abused too...

Threatening to burn or stab someone in the face is NOT normal behaviour!

You did you tell? Is it a family member fog?

As per other posts, please try get to womens aid asap...

Inthefog Thu 01-Aug-13 10:22:57

See he's good with the children but his patience is getting worse wit them he shouts all the time lately they are better behaved with me.
He makes me more stressed than the kids because he shouts all the time recently.
He does play with them and is good in some ways with them so would feel guilty about that.

Inthefog Thu 01-Aug-13 10:25:38

I told a friend about the threats she said he wouldn't do it but he's scared of leaving me. I think Im actually getting a bit scared of him he keeps doing this stare to me lately a horrible stare it sounds ridiculous I know.

Twinklestein Thu 01-Aug-13 10:29:01

As everyone says, you must report the threats to police, so that if you need to call them in an emergency they are aware of your case & can respond quickly.

And then contact Women's Aid & get the hell out asap.

He's quite happy to coerce you into sex, please do not think he would not carry out his threats of physical violence. Up until now you have been compliant, so he had no need to harm you physically.

If you don't comply or you leave, that could easily trigger violence.

Twinklestein Thu 01-Aug-13 10:30:56

I think Im actually getting a bit scared of him he keeps doing this stare to me lately a horrible stare it sounds ridiculous I know.

Not ridiculous at all. It sounds like his mental health may be deteriorating.

I can only repeat this is serious emotional & sexual abuse, please get out before it becomes physical.

thistlelicker Thu 01-Aug-13 10:30:56

What do u wanna do op??

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