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Husband taken by aliens

(105 Posts)
Littlet932 Sun 14-Jul-13 04:23:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vivacia Sun 14-Jul-13 06:28:59

I think he just doesn't love you any more, and with the abuse in the relationship I think you'd both be better off apart.

Lizzabadger Sun 14-Jul-13 07:02:13

I am sorry but you can't make someone love you and it looks like the only option is to split.

It is hard but there is absolutely no point in begging, trying to be the perfect wife etc. Keep your dignity and ask him to move out.

Lizzabadger Sun 14-Jul-13 07:05:49

The other thing is, I don't know whether to say this, but the things he was saying and doing in May are part of a classic affair script.

Lweji Sun 14-Jul-13 07:11:08

When people tell you what they are/feel, listen to them.

Sadly, I think this is gone. And I think he couldn't make it more clear, except by walking out on you.

You are losing control (punching him) and suffering.

You cannot make him love you.

So, get your life and self respect back and do tell him to leave.

SlimePrincess Sun 14-Jul-13 07:11:24

He emotionally checked out of the rerelationship a while ago. I think the only option you bave is to seperate.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

outoffuel Sun 14-Jul-13 07:12:28

It sounds to me as if work girl hasn't be the first, and perhaps he's been seeing another woman. You need to ask him if he wants this holiday, or if he'd prefer to go it alone from this point. Would he agree to couples counselling?

desperateforaholiday Sun 14-Jul-13 07:16:37

Have you apologised for repeatedly punching him? It does sound like he has emotionally detached from you and just wants it to be over regardless of whether he has had an affair or not.
Would you stay with him if it was him doing the punching?

Lweji Sun 14-Jul-13 07:31:30

Reading your title again, it feels like you are excusing him.

However, he's telling you in every way he can that he doesn't want to be with you.
He's just gutless to actually leave.
(or he's playing up to make you fall in line with taking care of his child, himself and shut up with demands)

Either way, stop trying to fix the unfixable.
He is responsible for what he's doing (it's not aliens or another woman).

Littlet932 Sun 14-Jul-13 07:52:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vivacia Sun 14-Jul-13 08:01:27

You can't make him love him. You've tried being good, you've tried being sexy and you've tried being violent. You can't make him love you. This reads like a very unhealthy relationship and one of you needs to make the difficult decisions sooner rather than later.

jayho Sun 14-Jul-13 08:20:52

I think you're in for a grim holiday. Unless you're going to the States where there is a chance he'll be abducted by aliens....... grin

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 14-Jul-13 08:31:46

It may be a short marriage but you've been together 10 years.... that's more than a lot of people stay together. Sadly 'not letting him leave without trying' is just the equivalent of grabbing hold of his ankles as he's trying to get out of the door.... it's demeaning. So let him go, take control and retain your self-respect. You can work something out for your DS's sake but it'll be co-parenting from two locations rather than one.

Sorry you've had such a nasty shock.

nkf Sun 14-Jul-13 08:36:26

He's checked out and he's having an affair. That will be the bear bones of the problem. Probably nothing you've done. So sorry. You will get lots of advice on here. Good luck.

Littlet932 Sun 14-Jul-13 08:48:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lweji Sun 14-Jul-13 09:09:13

Doesn't help that I'm stubborn too - if someone tells me I can't have something it usually makes me determined to get it. Not good in this situation!

No, definitely not good.
Not for you, your husband or even your child. I'm sure he's picking up on all the bad vibes. sad

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 14-Jul-13 09:23:44

'Doesn't know what he wants' IME either means 'doesn't know who he wants' i.e he's got alternatives he's weighing up ... and 'I do know what I want but I'm too cowardly to tell you' Either way, it invariably means there's someone else in the picture and you're just expected to sit there being friendly and carrying on as if nothing has happened, waiting for this knob of a man to decide if you're worth still being married to or not..... hmm If you let him be in control of your destiny like that, what's left of your self-esteem will be all over the carpet.

Vivacia Sun 14-Jul-13 09:37:55

There's something unusual about the way you describe him and your relationship, but I can't quite put my finger on it. Could you wilfully be not seeing the true situation? You appear quite critical of him, whilst describing unacceptable behaviour of your own.

Littlet932 Sun 14-Jul-13 09:43:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lweji Sun 14-Jul-13 09:48:29

You can give him a deadline to decide.

And distance yourself in the meantime.

Littlet932 Sun 14-Jul-13 09:48:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Madamecastafiore Sun 14-Jul-13 09:48:49

He is having an affair but wants you to end the relationship so it's not viewed as his fault.

Sorry but I think that basically it.

Bags packed by the front door would be my advice.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 14-Jul-13 09:50:29

So he's a coward.... so what? Isn't playing it cool just you being equally cowardly? Is it really so important to you that he leaves of his own volition - i.e get dumped - rather than you assert yourself and end this charade?

Littlet932 Sun 14-Jul-13 10:08:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PlainOldVanilla Sun 14-Jul-13 10:25:54

Sorry but I think your clinging on to something that doesn't exsist any more. By making him stay your not making anything better. If he doesn't love you then going on holiday isn't going to fix that and IMO will make it worse

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