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DH is sulking because I don't fancy sex tonight...

(151 Posts)
AuntLucyInPeru Sat 09-Feb-13 20:11:17

We basically had a crap day in the cold wrestling with the kids, followed (at the end of the day) by tea and Nanny McPhee.

He mentioned sex earlier and I said "prob not, I just can't feel sexy after a day of arguing with a 2yr old and 5yr old all day".

So he brings it up again just now by asking me to go and have a bath, and I said 'no thanks, I know the subtext, just don't fancy sex tonight'. So now he's throwing washing up around the kitchen furiously in a noisy fury.

Being able to say no to sex when you just don't want to is just how it bloody IS surely?

We have sex 1-2 times per week, work a 60hr week (both of us) and have children aged 2 & 5.

BTW He only wants sex if we both shower, I put new full make-up on and sexy underwear, high heels, scent etc.

I just can't be bothered tonight.

How do I handle the big strop hmm ?

StrawberryMojito Sat 09-Feb-13 20:13:27

Ignore it, go to bed. He'll get over it, what can he actually say?!

Mum2Fergus Sat 09-Feb-13 20:13:50

Put him to bed with the other kids in the house smile

AnyaKnowIt Sat 09-Feb-13 20:14:19

Tell him to get over himself!

catladycourtney1 Sat 09-Feb-13 20:16:22

Bloody hell. If my DP expected all that every time we had sex he'd be getting no sex at all!

elfycat Sat 09-Feb-13 20:16:59

And I find sulky so attractive. Don;t you look at his pouty face and want to clip him up the back of his head jump into bed with him?

Fairylea Sat 09-Feb-13 20:18:12

He's being an idiot. And a bully.

AuntLucyInPeru Sat 09-Feb-13 20:18:54

Exactly. There is nothing less sexy than a 39 year old man having a strop.

He never ever drops the fucking subject if I don't want sex with him though.

<mutinous muttering>

SorryMyLollipop Sat 09-Feb-13 20:19:32

BTW He only wants sex if we both shower, I put new full make-up on and sexy underwear, high heels, scent etc.

Sounds like a lot of hassle TBH.

Not a pleasant situation re the stropping about, its a form of coercion. I left my STBXH who did this. Your DH needs to realise that you are an actual person, with actual feelings.

Imnotaslimjim Sat 09-Feb-13 20:21:21

BTW He only wants sex if we both shower, I put new full make-up on and sexy underwear, high heels, scent etc.

That is just not normal! and I certainly couldn't be bothered with it! Putting make-up on to go to bed? No thanks, I'd rather be celibate!

Let him have his sulk, there isn't really much else to be done

anchovies Sat 09-Feb-13 20:21:28

He only wants sex if we both shower, I put new full make-up on and sexy underwear, high heels, scent etc.

I'm not surprised you can't be bothered shock

ledkr Sat 09-Feb-13 20:23:18

Jeeez. Isn't sex supposed to be spontaneous? I'd hate it if dh "booked" it in early in the day. I don't know if I want it or not at this moment but when dh gets in from work and I'm not tired and he does the right things then I may fancy it. If I don't then that's that.

ShatnersBassoon Sat 09-Feb-13 20:26:02

How could you resist a sulker who insists on 'preparing' for sex?

Helltotheno Sat 09-Feb-13 20:28:34

LTB.. put it another way, if he continues like this, you might as well save yourself a lot of trouble and do it now...

The eternal pessimist, me grin

AuntLucyInPeru Sat 09-Feb-13 20:30:20

I don't so much mind the preparing for sex most of the time. With a 2yr old and a 5yr old in the house, spontaneous lust is a rare thing so I'm happy to make the effort. It's more that

A: we both have to want to. I HATE being bullied and
B given that sex to his criteria always takes 2+ hours I really can't be bothered tonight.

There's really no such thing as a quicky. And it would save rows if he could contemplate lowering standards occasionally..

SorryMyLollipop Sat 09-Feb-13 20:30:29

What do you get out of this marriage? Seriously? He sounds bloody awful and selfish and entitled.

Lueji Sat 09-Feb-13 20:30:36

Personally, I'd tell him to find someone who is willing to have sex on demand.

Expecting to get sex from sulking, even worse, from stropping, is abusive.

Does he ever even put any effort in getting you in the mood, such as preparing you a bath? Or offering a massage, for example?

Is he actually throwing washing up liquid in the kitchen in a fury? shock

TBH, I do think you should be telling him that this kind of behaviour will see him out of the door if it doesn't stop soon.

spiritedaway Sat 09-Feb-13 20:31:10

Do the shower, fresh make up, hooker heels and underwear and still don't have sex smile) that'll learn him!

SorryMyLollipop Sat 09-Feb-13 20:31:19

2+ hours?! Why??????

AuntLucyInPeru Sat 09-Feb-13 20:32:37

Nah, he's nice. Does his 50% with the kids, funny, generous - I love him. I do not love his 'aged 13 and three quarters' attitude to sexual rejection. Go and have an effing wank, FFS.

kalidanger Sat 09-Feb-13 20:34:50

BTW He only wants sex if we both shower, I put new full make-up on and sexy underwear, high heels, scent etc.

And the two hours prep?? Bloody hell. If I was tired I'd go for a shower and a slow lazy one and straight to sleep afterwards but that's a hell of a lot of hassle. Every time is this?

MirandaWest Sat 09-Feb-13 20:36:10

Do you invlude the preparation in the two hours or is it 2 hours of sex?

I very rarely wear makeup and can't imagine putting it on specifically for sex. But I am a little odd

Lueji Sat 09-Feb-13 20:36:26

The thing is, by acting out like that he is being sexually abusive.
Because every time, you'll weight out if you are prepared to put up with the strop versus the sexual demands.
Because he is very demanding about sex.

You should really be able to say no without putting up a strop.

littlemisssarcastic Sat 09-Feb-13 20:37:06

You both work 60 hours a week. I am assuming that doesn't include travelling time?
You are parents to 2 very young children.
Sex takes 2+ hours!! shock

Seriously OP, when do you find time to eat or sleep? Do you have lots of paid help in the house?

ledkr Sat 09-Feb-13 20:37:31

2+ hours <faints>

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